It's been a few days since we got home from our little adventure and if you follow along, you've likely seen some pictures. We left our house Wednesday afternoon without a plan, other than to get in the vicinity of where we needed to be on Thursday night. Most people that I know who have kids go to great lengths to plan out everything for a trip. We did not. It was part of the plan, to not have a plan, just a destination.
We made our way through the most beautiful parts of Wisconsin, the Western side of course. We stopped off for an impromptu visit with my husband's former college buddy in the LaCrosse area. That was a great way to carry on in our trip. I had long joked that these people he had spoke of were a figment of his imagination, so it was nice to finally meet them! This was also an opportunity for Judah to get out and walk around. He couldn't contain his excitement.
The bluffs and the winding roads were beautiful as we drove along, there was always something to look at. Both kids sat quietly in their seats in the back, looking out the window. I did however play the nunu and bottle dropping game with Lily, many many times. Crossing the Mississippi never ceases to amaze me! The sheer size and force of such a river leaves me in awe every time.
We arrived in Burnsville around dinner time, which was perfect because we were so hungry. Another opportunity for Judah to get out and stretch his legs, he stood in line to order our dinner with me. Arriving safely anywhere, to me, is a miracle all in it's own. Traveling along the freeway at 70+ miles per hour. Need I say more? When we arrived at our hotel with food bag in hand (Chipotle) I looked out to see the tall buildings of the city in the distance. I took in a deep breath and smiled, that was where we were headed on a mission tomorrow.
Our hotel room had one king size bed, which was going to be interesting but I knew we would manage. We were just happy to have a place to lay our head for the night and settle in to make it home for the evening. Lily slept like a log, which was unusual, she usually tossed around a lot while sleeping. So I actually woke up several time to place my hand on her to make sure she was still okay. I know, total mom move.
My husband was in charge of figuring the right hotel for the next day, I knew he would get it right. The room wasn't going to be available until 3 pm, so we had some time to kill. So when you're in Minnesota, where else can you go to kill some time other than the Mall of America? Oh my goodness, I had no idea! I felt like I was in candy-land or something! I was nearly moved to tears at the sight of it and we were there together as a family! We don't get out much together between the difficulty of pulling something off and with my husbands work schedule.
Both kids seemed to be just about as excited as I was, in spite of not quite understanding where we were or what we were doing there. As a side note, there was Moose garb everywhere, so I was one happy woman! We made our way to the food area (one of the many) and found another Chipotle. (We lived off of Chipotle for 3 days) We sat down in an area over looking the amusement park area, beside Lego land. While eating, I looked over at the kids, whose faces were fixed on the largest Transformer made from Legos. I just laughed, watching their expressions. At this point my husbands mom arrived to meet us, as she only lived 2 hours north of where we were. It was so good to see her and that she was able to join us. We walked around for a while, I took a lot of pictures and showed some general self restraint in the store that looked to me to be a "Everything has a Moose on it" store but really, it was a Minnesota store. Ha!
It was time to head to our downtown hotel, which just so happened to be right next door to where the conference was being held. That was another God thing. My husband set out on the trolly to get some bottled water. I went outside for a bit, Jake's Mom stayed with the kids. While I was outside, I learned that the main speaker at the conference was also staying in our hotel. It was at this point that I knew God was up to something. What are the chances?
I was ready to go back in but I felt the Spirit tell me, stay a little longer. So, I did. I watched people walk by, living their lives, going where ever it was they were going. About five minutes passed and two men pulled up, rather built men. They were wearing lanyards from the conference, they told the valet guy that they were there to pick someone up. All I could think was- really? Do I get to meet him? It was about 5 minutes later that I felt the Spirit tell me to go back in, even though I dragged my feet a bit, arguing that I hadn't seen him yet, I still obeyed. I rounded the corner to the elevator, lo and behold, there were the men I saw earlier. I struck up a conversation with them, as I usually do with just about anybody. I told them we were in town for the conference and that we had brought our daughter to be prayed over by Todd. I asked if he still does that. They told me if the opportunity presented itself. The elevator dinged and off the elevator strode Todd. I just laughed and said, Hey man, I was just talking about you! He stopped and looked at me and smiled. So, I just said, we'll see you at the conference tonight! He said great, Bless you!
I got in the elevator and shook my head laughing. The irony. I don't believe in coincidences and it was furthermore confirmation that God was indeed up to something big.
I must add this here, the night before we left, the Holy Spirit brought a scripture to my mind. "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory." Ephesians 3:20-21
This was the mindset going into this whole adventure. As Bill Johnson so lovingly puts it, we set out on an adventure seeking God, setting up an "ambush" for Him, anticipating that He would show up where ever we were. And It had already been evident that He was here. I told my mother in law what had just happened and of course, told my husband. I could feel the Spirit stirring within me even more. I couldn't be more excited about this conference!
Soon the time came to head over to the conference. It was loud, Lily hadn't napped, so naturally, she wasn't handling things very well. She eventually completely and utterly had a meltdown. My husband strolled around with her as much as he could. I took her for a turn and rocked her, calming her a bit. I put her back in the stroller, she finally fell asleep. I think we all sighed a breath of relief, as she had been crying and carrying on for sometime. Judah, was mostly happy the entire night, as he usually is.
We got to hear as much of the message as we could. It was a great message as it always is, it's truth and love and conviction all wrapped into one. I love hearing the hard stuff because it pushes me to forfeit another part of me that truly isn't mine to hang onto. I came into following Jesus with little understanding of what was to be achieved in me and through me. But after some time following Him, I've come to adore the pruning and the changes made. At the end of the day, if I'm walking in the Spirit, I have no regrets and my feelings haven't been hurt by anyone because my identity is in Him, not in what someone says about me. That's good stuff, right?
Sadly, Lily woke up screaming. My husband took her back out again, this time back to the hotel. He told me to text him when the healing prayer was to begin. The altar call was made, many many people went up to the front to accept Christ as their Savior. This always overwhelms me with a deep joy in my heart, moves me to tears every time! I text my husband that healing was next. They weren't making their way back just yet. I was standing holding Judah, praying and singing along with the throng of people. I told my mother in law that I hoped he got back over here with Lily soon because this was what we were here for.
Todd began to pray for healing for people, we all shouted out with all our might that these various afflictions be gone in Jesus name. It was beautiful to see and to feel the presence of God so heavily upon the place. Tears streamed down my face from a mixture of joy and sadness as Lily was not there. We sang aloud as a group, I was filled joy once more as I took account of the fact that I was there holding my son at a God filled conference. Feeling overwhelmed with gratitude and joy from God that I was privileged to do something like that. I felt so over joyed to be able to share something like that with my son. Though Lily and my husband weren't there, I felt nothing but love.
A man approached me to pray for my back, as I was sore from holding Judah for quite a while. I asked him to pray with me for Lily too. So he did, he shared a testimony about a little girl being restored from downs syndrome. Of course I cried because I know God still performs miracles. As we prayed together, I wept and claimed everything we prayed about in Jesus name.
I had text my husband that I needed him to come back because Judah was drunk with being tired and needed the stroller. I didn't say much when I saw him, I wasn't mad. I took to heart the things that were prayed for on Lily's behalf, I knew regardless of her presence there, God was working on her behalf. As we walked along, I had a feeling in my spirit I don't believe I had ever felt. I was wrecked, I was absolutely wrecked for God. He did something in my heart during this conference. It's not something I can put my finger on but something had changed yet again within me.
We got up to the hotel room and my husband asked very calmly, do you want to hear my story? He was smiling, I knew that smile.
Yes! Let's hear it.
"So, I made my way back over to the depot to pick you guys up and I took the back way in, as I usually do anywhere. I was there waiting for the elevator and ding, there was Todd with two guys." He smiled.
"Shut up!" I interrupted.
"I told him I was there for prayer for Lily. Todd said, I already know. I asked him if he wanted some background, he said no, that he already knew what she needed. So, he knelt down and prayed for total restoration over her body and something about cerebral. I got her out of the stroller and asked Lily if she wanted to touch Todd's face. Todd said, she already did touch my face. So, I explained to him, that means she loves you. People were beginning to gather around, so I told Todd he'd better get out of there. He gave me a hug and said, I love you man. And told me he would continue to pray for Lily." My husband was still smiling as he recalled his encounter.
"Well, what did you think of all of this? What did you do?" I probed.
"I laughed."
"Laughed?"
"Because God."
I knew what he meant by his statement, "Because God."
So, I thought I was wrecked after the conference, I was completely wrecked now. My husband and I went outside and talked some more, I laughed and sobbed at the same time, thinking about God's goodness and faithfulness. I can't help but well up just typing this for you to read dear friend.
Lily has improved since the encounter. It's all miraculous, whether it's radical or it's minor things. We've seen improvements on her focus, her tracking, her attention and seeing all around more joy in her demeanor. She's had "the gigs" more since we've been home.
My greatest take away from this entire experience, God is faithful but not always in the ways we think He will show up. I think He enjoys breaking us out of the boxes we've placed Him in or the list of ways He works. This testimony is a testament to this statement. God showed up. He gave us the faith to believe He would. Even the faith we have is a gift from Him! Our desire to see our daughter healed and made whole, is also a desire He placed in our hearts. That desire isn't there to tease us, it's there to push up to press into Him even harder for a breakthrough.
I can't exaggerate God's goodness and my mere words can't possibly even touch on the impact of His goodness and love but I try. Lily has two parents who won't quit, God placed that in us. He put that "fight" into us and He placed it in her too. So, friends, take this testimony however you wish to take it. I pray for strength and courage over your lives and your spirits. I pray for a fighting spirit within you. I pray you press into God no matter what the circumstances around you look like. I pray that you rest in His love and are enveloped by His peace. Seek Him, He's the only One that can make sense of this crazy, mixed up, broken down world we live in. Let's seek to expand His rule and His territory on earth. God bless you all.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, September 18, 2017
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Fear
God seems to have made a habit of repeating Himself on one specific point, fear. It is said, "Do not fear," is repeated in the Bible 365 times. I Googled it, Google confirms that sentiment. There was something that God knew about fear that we don't. It's disabling. It's spirit crushing. It's ungodly. God didn't make light when He commanded us not to fear.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed; for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
God will not leave us nor forsake us in the day to day nor when we are in the midst of trials. There are times when we don't "feel" Him there. Just because you can't feel Him near, doesn't mean He isn't. It is a promise that He will never leave us. Feeling are temporary, they come and go like the wind but God is eternal. He is the same yesterday, today and forever(Hebrews 13:8).
Fear can be debilitating and crippling. Fear can keep us locked up in our homes, fulfilling the same tasks and never experiencing anything new. Fear can keep us from living out loud and living life to the full— which is one of the things that Jesus came here to do, give us life to the full (John 10:10) Jesus didn't come here to condone our many excuses why we can't get out there and live the life He paid a mighty price for. We will one day give an account for how we spent our time here on earth and sadly, no excuse will stand.
How do you know you're living in fear? The sneaky thing about fear is that it disguises itself as rationalization. It makes sense to you why you won't do the thing that was proposed to do but honestly, it's heavy laden with fear. It's merely an excuse.
Here's a few examples of fear. Fear said, don't get out and socialize, no one will be able to relate to you or your life anymore— since having a special needs child. Following the birth of Cookiepants, I had a serious case of "social anxiety disorder." It was awful. I had anxiety attacks just going to the grocery store. I needed so badly to get out of the house and get a break from what was going on at home. But there was another side of me that was petrified. Scared that others would want to talk to me and what would I say? I had nothing to talk about that wasn't something related to the new life that was dropped on my lap. I didn't want others to see the exhaustion that had taken up a permanent residence on my face. I didn't want to have to explain or share. I just wanted to stay in my home where life was about as unpredictable as life gets but at least it was strangely becoming more familiar.
Fear said: Give Cookiepants up for adoption following her birth. But love said; just love her. Adoption was never a consideration of mine but it was suggested to us as an option. I'm grateful every single day that we chose to just love her instead.
Fear says: Don't bother looking for a new home, just stay where it's familiar. This was something my husband and I had talked about. Our family expanded by +2, so we needed a new home desperately. So we searched not in a wildly committed sort of way but looked around. We found a beautiful home and applied to get it, then left it in the hands of our loving Father. Well, Daddy wanted a bigger brighter home for us too because we packed our things and moved away from everything that was fondly familiar.
Fear says; Get an abortion if you get pregnant before you get genetics testing done. Well, I did get pregnant before I had genetics testing done. And had I followed through with (the enemy's) fears "suggestion," I would not have the final jewel in my crown, my dear son.
Can you imagine? What would my life look like now had I allowed fear to drive my decisions? I would be less two children, living in the same place, doing the same things and wondering why my life feels so empty. My life would be empty of all the things that give it flavor. There is no forward movement in fear. Fear keeps your feet planted right where they are as if you have roots. We can go ahead and pat ourselves on the back, commending ourselves for all the things we do that we think are sufficient but it's not enough. Yeah but I do this, this and this... Yes but what about the things of life that you let pass you by?
What are we letting pass us by? The things of God. The things that make God smile. The risks we are willing to take for another human being. The time that we spend with others, rather than spending them alone in our own little selfish prison. God commanded us not to fear, God doesn't fear and we have the spirit of God living within us! How much more empowered can you get? Yes, the spirit of the living God resides within you if you have a relationship with His son Jesus Christ.
"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma." Ephesians 5:1-2
"The spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'" Romans 8:15
So you see, this fear that you have is nothing more than a tactic of the enemy and once recognized and it is already diminished. Get out there and live! Get out there and share the love of God with others. We don't get another shot at this thing called life. Its so sad when life is wasted. Don't grieve over that fact for too long, allow that to in part be your fuel to make the change not to live in fear anymore. What do you have to lose? You dignity? Your reputation? Your life savings? What, what is it? Do any of these things matter if it isn't pleasing to God? Heck no! Count it all loss unless it's been done for the Father. Nothing else is worth anything. Do everything as unto the Father.
But what am I supposed to do, you ask? A good place to start is picking something that is good-willed and good-natured that maybe scares the crud out of you. First, affirm that you will do this thing, whatever it is as an act of obedience to the Father and that you relinquish the spirit of fear in Jesus mighty name. Be dead set on it. Do not back down and do not lose heart. God is with you.
Maybe it's volunteering at church to greet people. Maybe it's getting back to going to church because the last church you went to put you off or upset you somehow. Try again, right? Maybe it's visiting a relative out of state that you haven't seen in ages. Whatever it is, do it with love and as an act of obedience toward God. You must first commit to doing something different, something that challenges you and maybe even scares you a bit. It's alright to do something, with hands shaking, heart pounding and knees shuddering. You still did it, you over came your fear! There are plenty of opportunities out there to drive out fear. God is constantly tossing us opportunities. Until we are even willing to get beyond our fear, we are playing catch with God in a baseball field while wearing a blindfold. Until we're willing to take the blindfold off and say yes to Him rather than fear, we'll miss the opportunities.
Oh friends... I can't even put into words right now how good God is and how very much He loves us in this very moment. There is nothing that can separate you from His love and there is nothing you can do that will make Him love you any less. He doesn't condemn, He corrects, there is a big different between those two words. God lovingly guides and corrects us, whereas the enemy will condemn and make us feel bad. Oh if only we would just believe that He is always with us, the freedom that lies just on the other side of that door is boundless. God's mind thinks and imagines in a much greater an expansive way than our mind can. He has the entire universe within His capable hands, every resource is within His grasp, to be used for His creativity. Just trust and believe Him, you will not be disappointed. God is indeed good, all the time.
Be blessed and bless others today dear friends, God never leaves our side. We are enabled to get out and love others the way He loves us.
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed; for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
God will not leave us nor forsake us in the day to day nor when we are in the midst of trials. There are times when we don't "feel" Him there. Just because you can't feel Him near, doesn't mean He isn't. It is a promise that He will never leave us. Feeling are temporary, they come and go like the wind but God is eternal. He is the same yesterday, today and forever(Hebrews 13:8).
Fear can be debilitating and crippling. Fear can keep us locked up in our homes, fulfilling the same tasks and never experiencing anything new. Fear can keep us from living out loud and living life to the full— which is one of the things that Jesus came here to do, give us life to the full (John 10:10) Jesus didn't come here to condone our many excuses why we can't get out there and live the life He paid a mighty price for. We will one day give an account for how we spent our time here on earth and sadly, no excuse will stand.
How do you know you're living in fear? The sneaky thing about fear is that it disguises itself as rationalization. It makes sense to you why you won't do the thing that was proposed to do but honestly, it's heavy laden with fear. It's merely an excuse.
Here's a few examples of fear. Fear said, don't get out and socialize, no one will be able to relate to you or your life anymore— since having a special needs child. Following the birth of Cookiepants, I had a serious case of "social anxiety disorder." It was awful. I had anxiety attacks just going to the grocery store. I needed so badly to get out of the house and get a break from what was going on at home. But there was another side of me that was petrified. Scared that others would want to talk to me and what would I say? I had nothing to talk about that wasn't something related to the new life that was dropped on my lap. I didn't want others to see the exhaustion that had taken up a permanent residence on my face. I didn't want to have to explain or share. I just wanted to stay in my home where life was about as unpredictable as life gets but at least it was strangely becoming more familiar.
Fear said: Give Cookiepants up for adoption following her birth. But love said; just love her. Adoption was never a consideration of mine but it was suggested to us as an option. I'm grateful every single day that we chose to just love her instead.
Fear says: Don't bother looking for a new home, just stay where it's familiar. This was something my husband and I had talked about. Our family expanded by +2, so we needed a new home desperately. So we searched not in a wildly committed sort of way but looked around. We found a beautiful home and applied to get it, then left it in the hands of our loving Father. Well, Daddy wanted a bigger brighter home for us too because we packed our things and moved away from everything that was fondly familiar.
Fear says; Get an abortion if you get pregnant before you get genetics testing done. Well, I did get pregnant before I had genetics testing done. And had I followed through with (the enemy's) fears "suggestion," I would not have the final jewel in my crown, my dear son.
Can you imagine? What would my life look like now had I allowed fear to drive my decisions? I would be less two children, living in the same place, doing the same things and wondering why my life feels so empty. My life would be empty of all the things that give it flavor. There is no forward movement in fear. Fear keeps your feet planted right where they are as if you have roots. We can go ahead and pat ourselves on the back, commending ourselves for all the things we do that we think are sufficient but it's not enough. Yeah but I do this, this and this... Yes but what about the things of life that you let pass you by?
What are we letting pass us by? The things of God. The things that make God smile. The risks we are willing to take for another human being. The time that we spend with others, rather than spending them alone in our own little selfish prison. God commanded us not to fear, God doesn't fear and we have the spirit of God living within us! How much more empowered can you get? Yes, the spirit of the living God resides within you if you have a relationship with His son Jesus Christ.
"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma." Ephesians 5:1-2
"The spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'" Romans 8:15
So you see, this fear that you have is nothing more than a tactic of the enemy and once recognized and it is already diminished. Get out there and live! Get out there and share the love of God with others. We don't get another shot at this thing called life. Its so sad when life is wasted. Don't grieve over that fact for too long, allow that to in part be your fuel to make the change not to live in fear anymore. What do you have to lose? You dignity? Your reputation? Your life savings? What, what is it? Do any of these things matter if it isn't pleasing to God? Heck no! Count it all loss unless it's been done for the Father. Nothing else is worth anything. Do everything as unto the Father.
But what am I supposed to do, you ask? A good place to start is picking something that is good-willed and good-natured that maybe scares the crud out of you. First, affirm that you will do this thing, whatever it is as an act of obedience to the Father and that you relinquish the spirit of fear in Jesus mighty name. Be dead set on it. Do not back down and do not lose heart. God is with you.
Maybe it's volunteering at church to greet people. Maybe it's getting back to going to church because the last church you went to put you off or upset you somehow. Try again, right? Maybe it's visiting a relative out of state that you haven't seen in ages. Whatever it is, do it with love and as an act of obedience toward God. You must first commit to doing something different, something that challenges you and maybe even scares you a bit. It's alright to do something, with hands shaking, heart pounding and knees shuddering. You still did it, you over came your fear! There are plenty of opportunities out there to drive out fear. God is constantly tossing us opportunities. Until we are even willing to get beyond our fear, we are playing catch with God in a baseball field while wearing a blindfold. Until we're willing to take the blindfold off and say yes to Him rather than fear, we'll miss the opportunities.
Oh friends... I can't even put into words right now how good God is and how very much He loves us in this very moment. There is nothing that can separate you from His love and there is nothing you can do that will make Him love you any less. He doesn't condemn, He corrects, there is a big different between those two words. God lovingly guides and corrects us, whereas the enemy will condemn and make us feel bad. Oh if only we would just believe that He is always with us, the freedom that lies just on the other side of that door is boundless. God's mind thinks and imagines in a much greater an expansive way than our mind can. He has the entire universe within His capable hands, every resource is within His grasp, to be used for His creativity. Just trust and believe Him, you will not be disappointed. God is indeed good, all the time.
Be blessed and bless others today dear friends, God never leaves our side. We are enabled to get out and love others the way He loves us.
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
When your heart breaks
I used to think I was a nice person when I was younger... I was nice to the people I knew, I would give them the shirt off my back if they needed it. Paying for lunch was my pleasure. I wasn't afraid to smile at strangers. I'd watch the news and hear stories but would carry on with my life. I figured as long as it wasn't near me or wasn't anyone I knew, it was almost as though it wasn't real. It was on TV, it didn't feel real. I avoided thinking about the pain, I didn't want to. Who wants to feel pain? But the truth was, my heart was stone. Until I met Jesus my heart was made out of stone. He is the only one who can give us a new heart, one that is soft and kind. No matter how good we think we are, we have no shot at anything perceived as goodness unless Jesus is our savior. And even then, the goodness that does come from us is in fact His goodness radiating from us.
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26
My heart broke in an irreparable way. Sure, I don't walk around with my head hung low, sobbing every day anymore. God soothed and mended my broken heart but the crack that occurred 3 years ago is still there. It doesn't hurt the way it used to. Now, I feel, mostly love pours forth from it. It wouldn't have been possible without God, this I assure you.
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 146:3
I absolutely counted on that scripture to become a reality in my life and eventually, after I stopped trying to force myself to live again, that scripture became a reality to me. It wasn't just some quaint fragment that someone once shared with me. It was something I read and was written on the tablet of my heart. I prayed and poured over it. I begged that it would become real to me because I didn't want to be lost in the darkness anymore. And once I began to reemerge again, I felt the Spirit tell me that the crack in my heart that I suffered would remain because that was where His light would shine through. I had two choices; be bitter or let His light shine through- through my deepest pain. Here I am. I'm not bitter. I don't "feel" broken. My heart swells with His love and my own wonderment. He is my strength. He is my peace. He is my rock and my salvation.
I often look back across this journey with Cookiepants and dote upon the work of God in our lives. The utter lengths we've been taken to and the lessons we've learned from them and the growth that we've yielded. But none of this would have been made possible had our hearts not been stripped bare of all the "worldly overgrowth." Whether it's the correct answer or not, I've come to the determination that this was necessary. God is still sovereign. He is still on the throne. He will birth good from this, He already has.
I look into Cookiepants' eyes and wonder what she sees? Does she see her mom? Or am I just some nice lady that kisses her and tells her she's beautiful? Does she know that I love her? Does she know she's safe here with us and that we'll care for her even unto our last breath? Will she stay here for a while longer? These are some hard questions that pass through my mind, often. I try not to ask them or even entertain them in my mind because they're far more painful than anything any parent truly wants to think about. They often cause me to cry, from deep within the crack in my heart- the one that never fully healed but yet, is mended. God is there. God is here. I've often prayed that when Cookiepants is quietly giggling to herself, the angels are telling her about her life here, in a way that she understands. I pray that they tell her how much we love her and that I feel honored to be her mom. Oh when those bright blue-green eyes look up at me, I feel nothing but love. A love like no other I've ever felt...
So you see, the break is still there. God has filled it in and continues to, in a way only He can. I'm happy to let Him, He will do a far better job than I ever could. One last bit of encouragement—
"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." James 4:8
He will. I assure you of this one thing. Earnestly seek Him in your brokenness and He will be there.
We live in a fallen world, where fallen things happen. But God is good, all the time. There is nothing about Him that isn't good. We often don't understand the things that happen in the world, I certainly don't. I don't love this world, I love many people who are passing through here... But there is a place where things are all made right. I yearn for it. I long for it. There is an "alarm" that often goes off within me, reminding me of how wrong the world is... I am grateful this isn't my home. But Jesus is making a place for me and for anyone else who trusts in Him. I will be elated when-
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
One day dear friends... One day.
Be a blessing to someone today, they need it.
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26
My heart broke in an irreparable way. Sure, I don't walk around with my head hung low, sobbing every day anymore. God soothed and mended my broken heart but the crack that occurred 3 years ago is still there. It doesn't hurt the way it used to. Now, I feel, mostly love pours forth from it. It wouldn't have been possible without God, this I assure you.
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 146:3
I absolutely counted on that scripture to become a reality in my life and eventually, after I stopped trying to force myself to live again, that scripture became a reality to me. It wasn't just some quaint fragment that someone once shared with me. It was something I read and was written on the tablet of my heart. I prayed and poured over it. I begged that it would become real to me because I didn't want to be lost in the darkness anymore. And once I began to reemerge again, I felt the Spirit tell me that the crack in my heart that I suffered would remain because that was where His light would shine through. I had two choices; be bitter or let His light shine through- through my deepest pain. Here I am. I'm not bitter. I don't "feel" broken. My heart swells with His love and my own wonderment. He is my strength. He is my peace. He is my rock and my salvation.
I often look back across this journey with Cookiepants and dote upon the work of God in our lives. The utter lengths we've been taken to and the lessons we've learned from them and the growth that we've yielded. But none of this would have been made possible had our hearts not been stripped bare of all the "worldly overgrowth." Whether it's the correct answer or not, I've come to the determination that this was necessary. God is still sovereign. He is still on the throne. He will birth good from this, He already has.
I look into Cookiepants' eyes and wonder what she sees? Does she see her mom? Or am I just some nice lady that kisses her and tells her she's beautiful? Does she know that I love her? Does she know she's safe here with us and that we'll care for her even unto our last breath? Will she stay here for a while longer? These are some hard questions that pass through my mind, often. I try not to ask them or even entertain them in my mind because they're far more painful than anything any parent truly wants to think about. They often cause me to cry, from deep within the crack in my heart- the one that never fully healed but yet, is mended. God is there. God is here. I've often prayed that when Cookiepants is quietly giggling to herself, the angels are telling her about her life here, in a way that she understands. I pray that they tell her how much we love her and that I feel honored to be her mom. Oh when those bright blue-green eyes look up at me, I feel nothing but love. A love like no other I've ever felt...
So you see, the break is still there. God has filled it in and continues to, in a way only He can. I'm happy to let Him, He will do a far better job than I ever could. One last bit of encouragement—
"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." James 4:8
He will. I assure you of this one thing. Earnestly seek Him in your brokenness and He will be there.
We live in a fallen world, where fallen things happen. But God is good, all the time. There is nothing about Him that isn't good. We often don't understand the things that happen in the world, I certainly don't. I don't love this world, I love many people who are passing through here... But there is a place where things are all made right. I yearn for it. I long for it. There is an "alarm" that often goes off within me, reminding me of how wrong the world is... I am grateful this isn't my home. But Jesus is making a place for me and for anyone else who trusts in Him. I will be elated when-
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4
One day dear friends... One day.
Be a blessing to someone today, they need it.
Monday, April 10, 2017
When the hand of judgement comes against you...
I am not speaking in terms of God's judgement here today, I am speaking of your fellow man or woman. One of the easiest things to do is to sit back and watch your fellow man and commentate and judge their every move. We have a natural bent toward doing so. We make assessments everyday. We evaluate. We perceive. And we judge. We assume, too.
Judging is harmful, not only to the other person but also to us. Judging lumps the other person into a category without a collection of all the facts. Judging others also puts us in great danger of future judgement from God and from others.
"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:2
I don't want that coming back at me, if I judged someone harshly- not knowing every scrap of the their lives in order to make an assessment.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Matthew 7:3
Matthew 7:3 has been one of my favorite scriptures regarding judgement of others, it has been my go-to reminder that none of us are perfect.
"Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgement on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you— who are you to judge your neighbor?" James 4:11-12
I think the last scripture just sealed the deal on this one... We have no right. We have no right to make up excuses as to why we think we know better about something or someone. We were not given their life. We were not given their children. We do not have their job. We do not have their spouse. We did not acquire their life experiences.
Go on then and continue judging, exalting your own authority and knowledge over God. Because I know this is a weak spot for me as a human, I talk to the Holy Spirit about it daily. I ask for the help not to pass judgement on others. It is a conscious effort on my part to receive help in this area. We all need this help. I am grateful for the help, without it, I could be a gossiping, judgement filled person. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that and I certainly wouldn't want to be that "me" come judgement day.
Being a special needs Mom and having extraordinary responsibilities, I am called to consult God on seemingly ordinary issues. I feel I must in order to make the best possible decisions regarding Cookiepants. I don't follow ordinary medical guidelines. I don't follow ordinary advice. We don't have an ordinary child but an extraordinary one. We don't "do" typical; normal, ordinary, orthodox, status quo, general recommendations. All that got thrown out the window. It hasn't been what is best.
Because of what we are doing, we have been commended by Cookiepants' doctor's for development and lack of dependence on medications. She has thrived given the environment we have created for her and taking into account the precautions we have followed. God gave us this child because HE KNEW we would be the parents she needed. He knew we would be a couple of boxers in the ring for her. He knew we would fight. He knew we would be hard in the places we need to be and be soft when that was needed too. He knew we would know what was serious and what wasn't. He knew we would take the utmost of care of and for her. We made an agreement the day we brought her home, we agreed that we would fight, knowing that God had the ultimate say. We have had to have utter dependence on God with this child. There has been no other way about it.
God has fought for us too. He has fought against the nay-sayers. He has fought against those who judge us for doing what we do. He has fought against the enemy in order to give us a safe and spacious home for our family. God has fought because we've sought Him in our circumstances. Our decisions haven't been haphazard or just because we want to be a couple of jerks. There has been a reason for every determination we've come to. It has been from a place of love. It has come from a place of wisdom.
I have no doubt that we will continue to be came against, but I am confident our God will be in our corner. Everyday is a continual act of surrender to His will and His power in our lives. Moment by moment we give over to Him the things and people in our lives that needs attention. We were confidently given this life; our personalities, our experiences, our children, our jobs by an Almighty God. Therefore the only judgement and scrutiny we will stand under is His. He is worthy. He is praiseworthy. He is mighty. He is amazing! He is all powerful.
Take heart dear friends when you come under the judgement of others, when God has ordained something in your life, have no fear of the judgement of man. Let it not dictate what you do or how you respond. Being in right standing with God is the only thing that matters.
Be blessed.
Judging is harmful, not only to the other person but also to us. Judging lumps the other person into a category without a collection of all the facts. Judging others also puts us in great danger of future judgement from God and from others.
"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:2
I don't want that coming back at me, if I judged someone harshly- not knowing every scrap of the their lives in order to make an assessment.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Matthew 7:3
Matthew 7:3 has been one of my favorite scriptures regarding judgement of others, it has been my go-to reminder that none of us are perfect.
"Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgement on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you— who are you to judge your neighbor?" James 4:11-12
I think the last scripture just sealed the deal on this one... We have no right. We have no right to make up excuses as to why we think we know better about something or someone. We were not given their life. We were not given their children. We do not have their job. We do not have their spouse. We did not acquire their life experiences.
Go on then and continue judging, exalting your own authority and knowledge over God. Because I know this is a weak spot for me as a human, I talk to the Holy Spirit about it daily. I ask for the help not to pass judgement on others. It is a conscious effort on my part to receive help in this area. We all need this help. I am grateful for the help, without it, I could be a gossiping, judgement filled person. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that and I certainly wouldn't want to be that "me" come judgement day.
Being a special needs Mom and having extraordinary responsibilities, I am called to consult God on seemingly ordinary issues. I feel I must in order to make the best possible decisions regarding Cookiepants. I don't follow ordinary medical guidelines. I don't follow ordinary advice. We don't have an ordinary child but an extraordinary one. We don't "do" typical; normal, ordinary, orthodox, status quo, general recommendations. All that got thrown out the window. It hasn't been what is best.
Because of what we are doing, we have been commended by Cookiepants' doctor's for development and lack of dependence on medications. She has thrived given the environment we have created for her and taking into account the precautions we have followed. God gave us this child because HE KNEW we would be the parents she needed. He knew we would be a couple of boxers in the ring for her. He knew we would fight. He knew we would be hard in the places we need to be and be soft when that was needed too. He knew we would know what was serious and what wasn't. He knew we would take the utmost of care of and for her. We made an agreement the day we brought her home, we agreed that we would fight, knowing that God had the ultimate say. We have had to have utter dependence on God with this child. There has been no other way about it.
God has fought for us too. He has fought against the nay-sayers. He has fought against those who judge us for doing what we do. He has fought against the enemy in order to give us a safe and spacious home for our family. God has fought because we've sought Him in our circumstances. Our decisions haven't been haphazard or just because we want to be a couple of jerks. There has been a reason for every determination we've come to. It has been from a place of love. It has come from a place of wisdom.
I have no doubt that we will continue to be came against, but I am confident our God will be in our corner. Everyday is a continual act of surrender to His will and His power in our lives. Moment by moment we give over to Him the things and people in our lives that needs attention. We were confidently given this life; our personalities, our experiences, our children, our jobs by an Almighty God. Therefore the only judgement and scrutiny we will stand under is His. He is worthy. He is praiseworthy. He is mighty. He is amazing! He is all powerful.
Take heart dear friends when you come under the judgement of others, when God has ordained something in your life, have no fear of the judgement of man. Let it not dictate what you do or how you respond. Being in right standing with God is the only thing that matters.
Be blessed.
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Super-Mom!!!
I wouldn't dare name myself super-mom, on a "I really mean it" kind of level but some days, super-mom is what the day requires. I was a mom before Cookiepants came into the world but I was a mom of a typical child. One who met developmental milestones at a typical time. One who was able to eat without struggle. One who responded typically with smiles and began to speak. But it wasn't until 3 years ago that I came to grips with what it meant to become an above and beyond mom, almost like a super-mom.
They say over the span of the first 2 years of a child's life, a parents lose 6 months worth of sleep. Yeah, you read that right, 6 months. I am convinced, it was more with Cookiepants, in fact I know it was more. For the first several month of her life, my husband and I slept in shifts. We were often awoken by an alarm or a raspy terrified cry. It was difficult to reach a place mentally to shut it down and sleep for the night. I woke up every morning and grabbed the largest can of caffeine I could find in the house just so I could begin to think about functioning.
Any iota of selfishness has been dashed away... If it rears it's ugly head, something that happens throughout the day with expose it and slaughter it. I used to be a selfish person, who wasn't when it was just them and lived alone etc. It was hard not to be selfish. I didn't share my space with anyone. I had a schedule that wasn't rigorous, a schedule I enjoyed. I lavished myself in sleep whenever I wanted and I ate whatever the heck I wanted. I saw no problem with my selfishness, in fact, I embraced it.
Selfishness can't be found here. Here you are poured out until you have nothing more to give and then you're asked for more. It's become easier though, I must admit. We're not walking zombies anymore. I've actually been able to eat more hot meals in the last few months that I probably did in the first year or so of Cookiepants' life. And we're working on staying on a good sleep schedule. We're challenged on it from time to time but we fight to get it back.
Because we have one extraordinary child in the house, we're called to be extraordinary parents and people. Which often means- different. We're different. We're not typical people, at least not anymore, whereas we may have been before. But something changed in a deep and immovable way, deep within us. We can't panic in the face of medical emergencies. Worry as we've discovered causes us to lose even more of the sleep that we're missing out on. We have to be flexible. We can't carve out precise schedules anymore. And arrival times have turned into a "suggested arrival time." We can't make solid plans or it's rather difficult to, at least. -Especially during the long-lasting winter around here. We have to arrive anywhere prepared or know where to buy specific things where we're going. We have to be open-minded. Did I mention a wealth of patience? We have to continually choose patience because if we were people with short fuses, we wouldn't survive a day in this house.
It isn't madness really, it's just different. It's a different way to view life, it's a different way to approach the day, each day. Caring for a medically sensitive child is so different that I almost felt ill-equipped to care for our son when he was born after Cookiepants. But much like riding a bike, I knew what to do.
I've discovered through this journey that seeking happiness isn't the aim here, it's developing holiness. Becoming more Christ-like. And maybe this was the thing that needed to happen to me in order for me to become more Christ-like. I have peace now, in knowing this was carefully considered for my life, as a person and as a mother. This wasn't some random occurrence. It was determined. I can see, with my limited human eyes the wealth of benefits that I've reaped from this experience and the effect it's had on me. The positives far outweigh the negatives. Even with all the extra "work" and planning. I wouldn't change this. It wasn't a matter of what I gave up to have this life but what I've gained.
I've gained an amazing perspective on life itself. How fragile it is and how beautiful it is. How fleeting it is. Death still is, as it has always been, strange to me. I live with someone who by most medical standards, shouldn't be here. She is a miracle. I feel especially blessed to have a tiny miracle living under the same roof as me. This life has shaken me out of my need to plan everything single detail. Cookiepants took care of that. No two days are the same, nor will they ever be. It has trained me to trust in the Lord each moment of the day for everything I need so I can care for/do whatever I need to do that day. I've learned to pray and praise often. There is no such thing as praying or praising too often. In fact, there's always room for improvement here.
Most of all, I've learned to lean heavily on God each day. I don't have a view of what the day will be ahead. I truly don't. I have a picture in my mind how a typical day looks or how it will go. Picture if you will, driving down a road with dense fog. You have your headlights on, you can see possibly 2 feet in front of your car and that is all. You keep driving because you need to get to your destination. I keep going each day because I have to. God has a view of the entire road. God has a view of your entire life. So you keep driving and nearly blindly trusting even though you can't see whats ahead. God has me on this road for a reason, He can see what I cannot. I will trust Him through the fog. I will trust that He will supply my every need. He will continue to equip me to do the things I have to do.
Any bit of super-mom that I am, I owe all the praise and glory to my Heavenly Father. A God who has carefully equipped me to be the woman and mother than I am. Everyday I learn something new, this is a process that has a set time, a time which I do not know the end. I will keep trusting in Him who does know.
When you see a super-mom, pray for her... She's walking in a pair of shoes no one can understand unless you've worn those shoes. This road compares to no other, make no assumptions nor judgments. We're doing the best we can.
Be blessed friends!
They say over the span of the first 2 years of a child's life, a parents lose 6 months worth of sleep. Yeah, you read that right, 6 months. I am convinced, it was more with Cookiepants, in fact I know it was more. For the first several month of her life, my husband and I slept in shifts. We were often awoken by an alarm or a raspy terrified cry. It was difficult to reach a place mentally to shut it down and sleep for the night. I woke up every morning and grabbed the largest can of caffeine I could find in the house just so I could begin to think about functioning.
Any iota of selfishness has been dashed away... If it rears it's ugly head, something that happens throughout the day with expose it and slaughter it. I used to be a selfish person, who wasn't when it was just them and lived alone etc. It was hard not to be selfish. I didn't share my space with anyone. I had a schedule that wasn't rigorous, a schedule I enjoyed. I lavished myself in sleep whenever I wanted and I ate whatever the heck I wanted. I saw no problem with my selfishness, in fact, I embraced it.
Selfishness can't be found here. Here you are poured out until you have nothing more to give and then you're asked for more. It's become easier though, I must admit. We're not walking zombies anymore. I've actually been able to eat more hot meals in the last few months that I probably did in the first year or so of Cookiepants' life. And we're working on staying on a good sleep schedule. We're challenged on it from time to time but we fight to get it back.
Because we have one extraordinary child in the house, we're called to be extraordinary parents and people. Which often means- different. We're different. We're not typical people, at least not anymore, whereas we may have been before. But something changed in a deep and immovable way, deep within us. We can't panic in the face of medical emergencies. Worry as we've discovered causes us to lose even more of the sleep that we're missing out on. We have to be flexible. We can't carve out precise schedules anymore. And arrival times have turned into a "suggested arrival time." We can't make solid plans or it's rather difficult to, at least. -Especially during the long-lasting winter around here. We have to arrive anywhere prepared or know where to buy specific things where we're going. We have to be open-minded. Did I mention a wealth of patience? We have to continually choose patience because if we were people with short fuses, we wouldn't survive a day in this house.
It isn't madness really, it's just different. It's a different way to view life, it's a different way to approach the day, each day. Caring for a medically sensitive child is so different that I almost felt ill-equipped to care for our son when he was born after Cookiepants. But much like riding a bike, I knew what to do.
I've discovered through this journey that seeking happiness isn't the aim here, it's developing holiness. Becoming more Christ-like. And maybe this was the thing that needed to happen to me in order for me to become more Christ-like. I have peace now, in knowing this was carefully considered for my life, as a person and as a mother. This wasn't some random occurrence. It was determined. I can see, with my limited human eyes the wealth of benefits that I've reaped from this experience and the effect it's had on me. The positives far outweigh the negatives. Even with all the extra "work" and planning. I wouldn't change this. It wasn't a matter of what I gave up to have this life but what I've gained.
I've gained an amazing perspective on life itself. How fragile it is and how beautiful it is. How fleeting it is. Death still is, as it has always been, strange to me. I live with someone who by most medical standards, shouldn't be here. She is a miracle. I feel especially blessed to have a tiny miracle living under the same roof as me. This life has shaken me out of my need to plan everything single detail. Cookiepants took care of that. No two days are the same, nor will they ever be. It has trained me to trust in the Lord each moment of the day for everything I need so I can care for/do whatever I need to do that day. I've learned to pray and praise often. There is no such thing as praying or praising too often. In fact, there's always room for improvement here.
Most of all, I've learned to lean heavily on God each day. I don't have a view of what the day will be ahead. I truly don't. I have a picture in my mind how a typical day looks or how it will go. Picture if you will, driving down a road with dense fog. You have your headlights on, you can see possibly 2 feet in front of your car and that is all. You keep driving because you need to get to your destination. I keep going each day because I have to. God has a view of the entire road. God has a view of your entire life. So you keep driving and nearly blindly trusting even though you can't see whats ahead. God has me on this road for a reason, He can see what I cannot. I will trust Him through the fog. I will trust that He will supply my every need. He will continue to equip me to do the things I have to do.
Any bit of super-mom that I am, I owe all the praise and glory to my Heavenly Father. A God who has carefully equipped me to be the woman and mother than I am. Everyday I learn something new, this is a process that has a set time, a time which I do not know the end. I will keep trusting in Him who does know.
When you see a super-mom, pray for her... She's walking in a pair of shoes no one can understand unless you've worn those shoes. This road compares to no other, make no assumptions nor judgments. We're doing the best we can.
Be blessed friends!
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Now is not the time
Now is not the time to take steps away from God. Now is not the time to discredit God. It never has been the time to walk away, it has never been the time to try and prove Him wrong. Unfortunately, a lot of humans to walk away and try to prove Him wrong. Sadly, one day they discover it's too late, when it is too late. But if you're reading this, it isn't too late.
God had a glorious plan for mankind, for us to be reconciled back to Himself by our own choosing.
I traveled along a path for the majority of my life doing what I wanted, when I wanted. Though I had most everything I wanted, I still wasn't happy. It wasn't until I realized that it was God who was missing from my life that I knew that's what the longing was all while. I spent money trying to fill the hole, I spent time out with people who likely weren't there for the betterment of my life, that still didn't fill the hole. The person I was when I was alone, was who I really was at that time. Who was I? Was I happy? Was I filled with joy? Was I content? Lost; no, no and no. Those are my answers.
I got to the point of "what is the point!?" before I realized what I needed. God was wooing me through my miserable circumstances and He used the most unlikely of people- at times. Oh boy, God's patience with me in the beginning... It was sweet and nurturing. It was inspiring and caused my heart to warm towards Him. I began to see God for who He was, rather than the twisted ideology behind Him. His nature was laid out in His word and in His actions in my life.
God's word is absolute truth. Science is theory. Do you have any idea how many scientific theories have been debunked and rendered obsolete? Me either... I couldn't find an exact number. Although there was one website that sited 104 obsolete theories with subcategories below each. So that may total several thousand, maybe more. What about the big bang theory? A theory, nothing more. The world was once believed to be flat. It was once believed that we couldn't travel to the moon. It was also once believed that we were residing in the only solar system in outer space.
It was once socially acceptable to smoke in hospitals and on airplanes. Sugar replacements were once touted as being better, now we're coming to find that they cause cancer and a whole list of other problems. Plastic was designed as a convenient product, now it's showing up in the belly's of marine animals and beaching them, eventually killing them.
It seems that whatever is created with profit in mind rather that God eventually comes tumbling down. If these things become elevated above the mind of God, they will eventually fail. We can't continue to assert ourselves above God and expect to succeed. It just isn't possible, eventually we will fall flat on our faces.
Do you know how many Bible's have been discredited? Zero.
There are theories against what the Bible says but if you have Jesus in your heart you already know the Bible is absolute truth. Many people ask, "Where are the evidences of the flood?" "Where is the ark?" Where is the Garden of Eden?" You know what I believe? It's all hidden from our sight. You know why? Because we are called to walk by faith not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)
So, let me ask you this, do you want to follow after a bunch of people who were once spoon fed; crapped their pants and threw temper tantrums when they were children- just like you did? Or do you want to follow hard after a mighty and all knowing God— whom created everything? A God who isn't given to mood or feelings that change in a moments notice? A God who isn't a respecter of persons? A God who deeply loves and cares for you, even as you've rejected Him? Who then, who will you follow after? Men are proven wrong and eventually die. God on the other hand will never be proven wrong and will never die. God is eternal! And you have an opportunity to spend eternity with Him.
Just trust. Trust in Him. Trust in His Son Jesus. Walk toward Him, not away. You can't go wrong trusting God, it's a decision you'll never regret.
Have a blessed week my friends, take those steps toward God.
God had a glorious plan for mankind, for us to be reconciled back to Himself by our own choosing.
I traveled along a path for the majority of my life doing what I wanted, when I wanted. Though I had most everything I wanted, I still wasn't happy. It wasn't until I realized that it was God who was missing from my life that I knew that's what the longing was all while. I spent money trying to fill the hole, I spent time out with people who likely weren't there for the betterment of my life, that still didn't fill the hole. The person I was when I was alone, was who I really was at that time. Who was I? Was I happy? Was I filled with joy? Was I content? Lost; no, no and no. Those are my answers.
I got to the point of "what is the point!?" before I realized what I needed. God was wooing me through my miserable circumstances and He used the most unlikely of people- at times. Oh boy, God's patience with me in the beginning... It was sweet and nurturing. It was inspiring and caused my heart to warm towards Him. I began to see God for who He was, rather than the twisted ideology behind Him. His nature was laid out in His word and in His actions in my life.
God's word is absolute truth. Science is theory. Do you have any idea how many scientific theories have been debunked and rendered obsolete? Me either... I couldn't find an exact number. Although there was one website that sited 104 obsolete theories with subcategories below each. So that may total several thousand, maybe more. What about the big bang theory? A theory, nothing more. The world was once believed to be flat. It was once believed that we couldn't travel to the moon. It was also once believed that we were residing in the only solar system in outer space.
It was once socially acceptable to smoke in hospitals and on airplanes. Sugar replacements were once touted as being better, now we're coming to find that they cause cancer and a whole list of other problems. Plastic was designed as a convenient product, now it's showing up in the belly's of marine animals and beaching them, eventually killing them.
It seems that whatever is created with profit in mind rather that God eventually comes tumbling down. If these things become elevated above the mind of God, they will eventually fail. We can't continue to assert ourselves above God and expect to succeed. It just isn't possible, eventually we will fall flat on our faces.
Do you know how many Bible's have been discredited? Zero.
There are theories against what the Bible says but if you have Jesus in your heart you already know the Bible is absolute truth. Many people ask, "Where are the evidences of the flood?" "Where is the ark?" Where is the Garden of Eden?" You know what I believe? It's all hidden from our sight. You know why? Because we are called to walk by faith not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)
So, let me ask you this, do you want to follow after a bunch of people who were once spoon fed; crapped their pants and threw temper tantrums when they were children- just like you did? Or do you want to follow hard after a mighty and all knowing God— whom created everything? A God who isn't given to mood or feelings that change in a moments notice? A God who isn't a respecter of persons? A God who deeply loves and cares for you, even as you've rejected Him? Who then, who will you follow after? Men are proven wrong and eventually die. God on the other hand will never be proven wrong and will never die. God is eternal! And you have an opportunity to spend eternity with Him.
Just trust. Trust in Him. Trust in His Son Jesus. Walk toward Him, not away. You can't go wrong trusting God, it's a decision you'll never regret.
Have a blessed week my friends, take those steps toward God.
Monday, March 13, 2017
When winter ends...
Today is March 13th, 2017. We just turned our clocks forward early Sunday morning and spring is next week. I remember when I was a kid, as soon as the calendar turned to March I would dig out all of my summer clothes. I would put them on believing that if I embraced the spring and summer season, that the weather outside would follow— immediately. Boy was I ever wrong.
Here I am just a wee bit older, filled with the same empty feeling in my spirit and itching with a similar temptation for an all out protest of winter. What is it about this season of the year that causes such a vast emptiness within me? Is it the cold? The gray overtones and brown undertones outside? The fact that life has appeared to come to a halt yet everything is still in motion? I think it's a combination of all these things. Not to mention the body aches and pains I experience just from the cold.
When the world looks alive with green and animals scurrying about I can't help but look forward to getting out of bed and embracing the day. It's exciting! Even if I have nothing planned for the day. There is something invigorating about spring and summer, a coming alive of everything! The trees begin budding; the flowers begin the bloom, the birds are singing, there are sweet smells in the air. Spring and summer are all together lovely.
But what about a different winter in life? The kind that is no respecter of seasons? The winter that is heavy laden with struggles and strife? We've all had them. Our lives getting hit with one snow storm after another until we're nearly buried. There is only one man who can dig us out, Jesus! We've had our share of winter storms, they arrived no matter what season it was outside. Although, they were more tolerable when the weather was warm...
For me, winter is a winter season all in it's own. I struggle with it deeply. I know that I need Jesus everyday to push me through and give me enough strength to get through the day. Waking up with a headache everyday isn't fun, nor are the golf ball sized knots in my shoulders and neck. All due to the cold weather. After a while it becomes difficult to shine when the weather isn't shining but I still do. I know Jesus is the one that enables me to. If I gave into my flesh everyday would be filled with a dissertation about how miserable winter is and how much I hate it. And I would be the most rotten person to be around. I don't want to be that person, even though somewhere within me I feel that way.
So, I guess I'm writing this blog to share that even though I am not where I want to be right now, I know there is hope. And I'm not just talking about the mark of spring on the calendar next week. I'm talking about a hope that one day God will open the door for a move to a more appropriate climate for myself and my family.
I remember the first time I went to the ocean when I was 3, I fell in love with it. The sand between my toes; the smell, the sound of the waves, the utter freedom and wonder. It's still a very clear memory for me. Every time I return I'm reunited with something that has otherwise lain sleeping. There has been nothing else that has compared to it, I am in awe of God's wonders when I stand before His majestic ocean.
A couple years ago our family took a trip to Myrtle beach, South Carolina. Unbeknownst to me my husband made arrangements for our hotel room. I had no idea what lay behind that hotel room door and as soon as it swung open I was taken aback by the view... My husband bought me the ocean! And of course I cried, I was swept up with emotion by his thoughtfulness and love for me. That was a moment I will never forget. It's a time I dote upon on the cold and wintry days.
Though half of my life has been spent with a season I have a deep disdain for, I still have hope. I have hope that one day we will live near the ocean. One day the sun will be out everyday. I know that we will not be free from life's troubles but weather of preference certainly does go a long way in my book.
Here's to an early spring filled with beautiful flowers, bright sun and the joys of life in spite of our circumstances.
Sending much love from a snowy Wisconsin!
Here I am just a wee bit older, filled with the same empty feeling in my spirit and itching with a similar temptation for an all out protest of winter. What is it about this season of the year that causes such a vast emptiness within me? Is it the cold? The gray overtones and brown undertones outside? The fact that life has appeared to come to a halt yet everything is still in motion? I think it's a combination of all these things. Not to mention the body aches and pains I experience just from the cold.
When the world looks alive with green and animals scurrying about I can't help but look forward to getting out of bed and embracing the day. It's exciting! Even if I have nothing planned for the day. There is something invigorating about spring and summer, a coming alive of everything! The trees begin budding; the flowers begin the bloom, the birds are singing, there are sweet smells in the air. Spring and summer are all together lovely.
But what about a different winter in life? The kind that is no respecter of seasons? The winter that is heavy laden with struggles and strife? We've all had them. Our lives getting hit with one snow storm after another until we're nearly buried. There is only one man who can dig us out, Jesus! We've had our share of winter storms, they arrived no matter what season it was outside. Although, they were more tolerable when the weather was warm...
For me, winter is a winter season all in it's own. I struggle with it deeply. I know that I need Jesus everyday to push me through and give me enough strength to get through the day. Waking up with a headache everyday isn't fun, nor are the golf ball sized knots in my shoulders and neck. All due to the cold weather. After a while it becomes difficult to shine when the weather isn't shining but I still do. I know Jesus is the one that enables me to. If I gave into my flesh everyday would be filled with a dissertation about how miserable winter is and how much I hate it. And I would be the most rotten person to be around. I don't want to be that person, even though somewhere within me I feel that way.
So, I guess I'm writing this blog to share that even though I am not where I want to be right now, I know there is hope. And I'm not just talking about the mark of spring on the calendar next week. I'm talking about a hope that one day God will open the door for a move to a more appropriate climate for myself and my family.
I remember the first time I went to the ocean when I was 3, I fell in love with it. The sand between my toes; the smell, the sound of the waves, the utter freedom and wonder. It's still a very clear memory for me. Every time I return I'm reunited with something that has otherwise lain sleeping. There has been nothing else that has compared to it, I am in awe of God's wonders when I stand before His majestic ocean.
A couple years ago our family took a trip to Myrtle beach, South Carolina. Unbeknownst to me my husband made arrangements for our hotel room. I had no idea what lay behind that hotel room door and as soon as it swung open I was taken aback by the view... My husband bought me the ocean! And of course I cried, I was swept up with emotion by his thoughtfulness and love for me. That was a moment I will never forget. It's a time I dote upon on the cold and wintry days.
Though half of my life has been spent with a season I have a deep disdain for, I still have hope. I have hope that one day we will live near the ocean. One day the sun will be out everyday. I know that we will not be free from life's troubles but weather of preference certainly does go a long way in my book.
Here's to an early spring filled with beautiful flowers, bright sun and the joys of life in spite of our circumstances.
Sending much love from a snowy Wisconsin!
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
My love affair
When what I had wasn't enough, I reached outside of my limitations. When what I had didn't satisfy me, I chased after what did.
Chips. Yes, that's right, chips. I've had a love affair with junk food since before I was a teenager. Oh man, I've loved chips for a long time!
I went vegan almost a year ago now, it was a lifestyle change that I needed for me, for the environment— everything. I don't regret my decision, not even a little bit. It hasn't been a difficult move for me, just keeping the variety is a bit difficult sometimes. Especially during the winter (which is way too long) I'm more of a salad kind of gal and during the winter it doesn't always satisfy. I love my comfort food, like really love it. Before I went vegan nothing satisfied me more than twice baked potato soup with extra bacon. Oh my gosh!
So, potatoes. They are (in my opinion) a food group all their own. You can do almost anything with them. But for me, on the fly or a quick snack, I loved a handful of potato chips. Or even these other chips I had found - that were vegan but I couldn't stop eating them! But after my stomach feeling like it was on fire every night and gaining a few water weight pounds, I knew it was time to give them up. Ugh, the sodium content... That's what was killing me. I guess I really have to watch that. It lit me up at night, no matter how much water I drank it didn't take away the burn. And it had tremendously slowed down my digestion. So it was time to go.
This hasn't been easy... I pack chips in my husbands work lunch everyday. There is a small basket on top of the fridge containing all the chips too. I see them all the time. But you know what, this is how I gave up soda too. I had a 12 pack of throwback Pepsi in my house when I gave it up, it was torn open with a few soda's missing. Every time I walked past it, it called to me... Haha. I kept saying no.
I guess my point in all of this, is that we all struggle with something. And when it's time to give something up, it will just happen. Not by beating ourselves up. Not my shaming or guilting. It will just naturally happen. I know there are other people out there struggling with something greater than a chip addiction. Don't shame them. Don't judge them. Support them. Encourage them.
I've been there. I used to drink. I wasn't an out of control alcoholic but a textbook alcoholic is defined as someone who has a habit in relation to alcohol. Whether it's the time of day they have it or that they have even one drink a day. It's still considered a habit. Especially if a day isn't missed. That was me. I began reasoning, I'll just drink every other week. And I did. I did just fine with that. But I looked forward to it. Or I'd have a few too many on that week- because I was making up for lost time. I've been freed from alcohol for almost 6 years this coming June. I haven't had a drop and I don't miss it one single bit! It didn't add anything to my life. Just like chips haven't either.
I know this is kind of a goofy post but I felt like I had to share this one because it's real, it's real to me. This post is very much keeping in step with the publication of: Human, being. In the way that it was a hang up of mine, even though seemingly trivial. But it was a hang up for me.
In my spirit for going on a year or so now, a prompting to take a proverbial roto-rooter to my life. I've been doing it little by little and un-strategically. I've been handling the things that are brought to my attention by way of the Holy Spirit. One by one these things, whether little or big are left at the wayside. Not by my doing but through a strength only God can give. There are other things, smaller and bigger things but I am confident when their number is called, they will fall to the side as well. My God is bigger than anything I can manage to have a fond attachment to. That, it something I can count on.
I hope this encourages someone, whether food is an addiction for you or if it's something else. If you have any questions about veganism, just ask. I'm always happy to talk about it. I don't however respond to criticism and ridicule. I choose not to give my time or energy over to those such things.
Have a blessed day my friends!
Chips. Yes, that's right, chips. I've had a love affair with junk food since before I was a teenager. Oh man, I've loved chips for a long time!
I went vegan almost a year ago now, it was a lifestyle change that I needed for me, for the environment— everything. I don't regret my decision, not even a little bit. It hasn't been a difficult move for me, just keeping the variety is a bit difficult sometimes. Especially during the winter (which is way too long) I'm more of a salad kind of gal and during the winter it doesn't always satisfy. I love my comfort food, like really love it. Before I went vegan nothing satisfied me more than twice baked potato soup with extra bacon. Oh my gosh!
So, potatoes. They are (in my opinion) a food group all their own. You can do almost anything with them. But for me, on the fly or a quick snack, I loved a handful of potato chips. Or even these other chips I had found - that were vegan but I couldn't stop eating them! But after my stomach feeling like it was on fire every night and gaining a few water weight pounds, I knew it was time to give them up. Ugh, the sodium content... That's what was killing me. I guess I really have to watch that. It lit me up at night, no matter how much water I drank it didn't take away the burn. And it had tremendously slowed down my digestion. So it was time to go.
This hasn't been easy... I pack chips in my husbands work lunch everyday. There is a small basket on top of the fridge containing all the chips too. I see them all the time. But you know what, this is how I gave up soda too. I had a 12 pack of throwback Pepsi in my house when I gave it up, it was torn open with a few soda's missing. Every time I walked past it, it called to me... Haha. I kept saying no.
I guess my point in all of this, is that we all struggle with something. And when it's time to give something up, it will just happen. Not by beating ourselves up. Not my shaming or guilting. It will just naturally happen. I know there are other people out there struggling with something greater than a chip addiction. Don't shame them. Don't judge them. Support them. Encourage them.
I've been there. I used to drink. I wasn't an out of control alcoholic but a textbook alcoholic is defined as someone who has a habit in relation to alcohol. Whether it's the time of day they have it or that they have even one drink a day. It's still considered a habit. Especially if a day isn't missed. That was me. I began reasoning, I'll just drink every other week. And I did. I did just fine with that. But I looked forward to it. Or I'd have a few too many on that week- because I was making up for lost time. I've been freed from alcohol for almost 6 years this coming June. I haven't had a drop and I don't miss it one single bit! It didn't add anything to my life. Just like chips haven't either.
I know this is kind of a goofy post but I felt like I had to share this one because it's real, it's real to me. This post is very much keeping in step with the publication of: Human, being. In the way that it was a hang up of mine, even though seemingly trivial. But it was a hang up for me.
In my spirit for going on a year or so now, a prompting to take a proverbial roto-rooter to my life. I've been doing it little by little and un-strategically. I've been handling the things that are brought to my attention by way of the Holy Spirit. One by one these things, whether little or big are left at the wayside. Not by my doing but through a strength only God can give. There are other things, smaller and bigger things but I am confident when their number is called, they will fall to the side as well. My God is bigger than anything I can manage to have a fond attachment to. That, it something I can count on.
I hope this encourages someone, whether food is an addiction for you or if it's something else. If you have any questions about veganism, just ask. I'm always happy to talk about it. I don't however respond to criticism and ridicule. I choose not to give my time or energy over to those such things.
Have a blessed day my friends!
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Trust
It's been a long week and it's only Wednesday... This happens often. It's been a whirlwind few months, this happens often too.
Our trust isn't in ourselves alone because it's fallible. Our strength isn't in ourselves alone because our strength runs out. We don't rely on our own wit or wisdom because we can't see what will happen even 5 minutes from now. I do know Who has an endless supply of strength; wisdom and who is faithful. God!
God brings us through with each step, His Son never leaves our side. He is the steady hand on my shoulder as I work quickly to bring a fever down. He is the quiet voice amidst the crying, He is the calm in the middle of the storm. He is, I am.
We've seen Him present in everything over the course of the last several months. From the femur fracture with Cookiepants, to the surgery and it's timing and now this monster cold that has over taken her. We trust in His loving care to cause her to thirst again. We trust in the fellow believers praying on her behalf, that those prayers are affecting her recovery in a positive way. We trust in His leading, knowing what to do with her and when.
To the world and the worldly mind it sounds like utter madness but it makes perfect sense to us. There is this path we have been traveling along for a few years now that has brought us to this point. To a point of utter reliance and being present. We are here, being who God created us to be, doing or not doing the things He has ordained or asked us to refrain from. That is all. Worry doesn't cloud our thinking nearly as much as it used to. Worry doesn't add to a circumstance, it only takes away your presence of mind. Trying to do everything and all at once- no longer necessary. It never was necessary, we just hadn't understood that yet.
Though our problems aren't solved and our circumstances haven't changed much- though they've improved slowly, I still have peace today. We don't know what the day will hold, as it is unpredictable every day. There is no general thrumb to pick up on and ride the wave through the day. Floating through the day would take away from the intricate details, the little ones that are the reminders that God is still here and His hands are all over everything. I want to see that, I don't want to bury myself in mock busyness just to take my attention away from my current reality. I don't want to displace the pain because I know it would inevitably revisit me and show up somewhere else. Pain has a way of doing that. So don't avoid it, stare it in the face. Be bold. Be brave because God is right there with you.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do no be afraid." John 14:27
This is why I trust Him, if He said it, it will be so. Or the peace that surpasses all understanding. He said it, it will be so. I know that I can trust Jesus, trusting Him doesn't make things easier but I know His promises are true. Much of the things that happen, I don't understand but He does. And I trust Him.
We're still here being who God created us to be, exactly where we are supposed to be. Brighter things are on the horizon, we know this but for now, we trust in His timing and trust His direction.
We used to live within the most common option, which was to trust in ourselves for everything. It didn't work out well and we were exhausted. Trusting in God has alleviated much of the stress and mental and emotional exhaustion. This is where I would rather be, this is where I would rather live my life- over here with God.
With trust, comes peace. Reach out to the only one that knows, He will never leave you nor forsake you.
For more insight on this subject matter pick up a copy of: Human, being. Now available online.
www.lulu.com/spotlight/sarastjohn
sarastjohn.wixsite.com/author
God bless.
Our trust isn't in ourselves alone because it's fallible. Our strength isn't in ourselves alone because our strength runs out. We don't rely on our own wit or wisdom because we can't see what will happen even 5 minutes from now. I do know Who has an endless supply of strength; wisdom and who is faithful. God!
God brings us through with each step, His Son never leaves our side. He is the steady hand on my shoulder as I work quickly to bring a fever down. He is the quiet voice amidst the crying, He is the calm in the middle of the storm. He is, I am.
We've seen Him present in everything over the course of the last several months. From the femur fracture with Cookiepants, to the surgery and it's timing and now this monster cold that has over taken her. We trust in His loving care to cause her to thirst again. We trust in the fellow believers praying on her behalf, that those prayers are affecting her recovery in a positive way. We trust in His leading, knowing what to do with her and when.
To the world and the worldly mind it sounds like utter madness but it makes perfect sense to us. There is this path we have been traveling along for a few years now that has brought us to this point. To a point of utter reliance and being present. We are here, being who God created us to be, doing or not doing the things He has ordained or asked us to refrain from. That is all. Worry doesn't cloud our thinking nearly as much as it used to. Worry doesn't add to a circumstance, it only takes away your presence of mind. Trying to do everything and all at once- no longer necessary. It never was necessary, we just hadn't understood that yet.
Though our problems aren't solved and our circumstances haven't changed much- though they've improved slowly, I still have peace today. We don't know what the day will hold, as it is unpredictable every day. There is no general thrumb to pick up on and ride the wave through the day. Floating through the day would take away from the intricate details, the little ones that are the reminders that God is still here and His hands are all over everything. I want to see that, I don't want to bury myself in mock busyness just to take my attention away from my current reality. I don't want to displace the pain because I know it would inevitably revisit me and show up somewhere else. Pain has a way of doing that. So don't avoid it, stare it in the face. Be bold. Be brave because God is right there with you.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do no be afraid." John 14:27
This is why I trust Him, if He said it, it will be so. Or the peace that surpasses all understanding. He said it, it will be so. I know that I can trust Jesus, trusting Him doesn't make things easier but I know His promises are true. Much of the things that happen, I don't understand but He does. And I trust Him.
We're still here being who God created us to be, exactly where we are supposed to be. Brighter things are on the horizon, we know this but for now, we trust in His timing and trust His direction.
We used to live within the most common option, which was to trust in ourselves for everything. It didn't work out well and we were exhausted. Trusting in God has alleviated much of the stress and mental and emotional exhaustion. This is where I would rather be, this is where I would rather live my life- over here with God.
With trust, comes peace. Reach out to the only one that knows, He will never leave you nor forsake you.
For more insight on this subject matter pick up a copy of: Human, being. Now available online.
www.lulu.com/spotlight/sarastjohn
sarastjohn.wixsite.com/author
God bless.
Monday, January 2, 2017
We're still here!
2016 gave us white knuckles at times, barely holding onto much of anything and certainly not ourselves. Once again it was another year of learning; trial/error, crashing and burning too. It was a year of sitting and watching as those around us were living their lives while it felt like we were living someone else's.
We watched families lose loved ones and mourned with them. While at the same time we gained an addition to our family and rejoiced in God's goodness. We watched milestones met, with the realization that others were surpassed a long time ago. At times the reality of it was overwhelming and other times we simply celebrated where we are. We are whatever we are, whatever that is. We're here, we're alive and we're still breathing. While there may have been many things that were meant to harm us, with tear stricken faces as times we still praised. God is still good. Even when we haven't understood, God is still good.
If 2016 taught me anything it was a continue to praise even when I don't feel like it and also not to get comfortable with my plans. There isn't much that happened in 2016 that happened just as we planned. Judah came into the world quietly and gently, healing parts of my ever broken heart. Cookiepants decided that she would hold her own bottle the day we brought her brother home from the hospital. Another thing I learned is that help comes from the most unexpected places and people. And the ones you would believe would be there scatter still. I'm not mad though, it's just life and it's all a part of God's grand plan. I know that He is sovereign over that part of our life too. Sometimes old friends are drawn back together while others drift further away. I've learned not to count on anything but God's hand in this life, who He draws near.
He has been faithful when I haven't been, He's loved me when I was unlovable. Jesus has been there every step of the way. There were many times I felt alone or overwhelmed, you'll have that with this set of circumstances... I'm still learning that, everyday.
I've finally come around to the concept of making some plans and having dreams and hopes again. Those things were dashed away a few years ago, all felt lost. I am often reminded, because we're still here that God has a plan for our life. A plan to prosper us and not to harm us. I'm comforted by that. There were times where I just about scoffed at that scripture in my darker moments. But I've learned that even when it's hard to believe, I must believe.
One thing I must carry into 2017 is the knowledge that plans and dreams are fine and good, they give me something to strive toward. But God ultimately determines where we go and who we're with. We will continue to make plans for the future and pray that they turn out better than we had hoped for. God is capable to knitting things together for our life far grander than anything that we could ever dream up or imagine. Oh how wonderful does that sound!?
I'm looking forward to 2017 and all that it has to offer, I'm hoping there won't be so many bumps and bruises this year but this is life and those happen. They hurt, often badly... I just have to remember to feel them instead of just tossing those feeling aside. I am only human after all, though most of the time, my obligations should be assigned to someone who is super human. But God takes care of that piece too, filling me with His strength. I know that I can't go a day without Him.
The end of 2016 felt like a tidal wave of sewing up gaps and it hit pretty hard. The week of Christmas especially. I praised as I held my cat for the last time. I praised as I waited in the waiting room for Cookiepants to get out of surgery. We praised as Cookiepants opened Christmas gifts for the first time ever, as did Judah. It was adorable. It was quiet and it was just the four of us, just as God intended I guess. We sat in our Christmas light lit home, watching old movies, enjoying one another's company and holding each other close. Just as we were supposed to.
There is nothing else that could have taught us to love one another and appreciate each other the way that we do. Whatever we have been through has gotten us here and whether it was "good or bad" we wouldn't be the same without it. I wouldn't love and admire my husband the way I do today had it not been for everything we've been through together. When Judah calls out for his "mama," it wouldn't sound as sweet as it does had it not been for nonverbal cues from Cookiepants. One day we will appreciate a bigger home that much more, after having lived in a home that we're convinced we've out grown. And winter (don't get me started) I'll soon appreciate the meaning of winter one day when we move somewhere more temperate. It's all there, it's all in the plan. But mostly, I recognize it's not my plan. And I can't look back and state without a doubt that this or that happened because I needed to learn this. But what I do know, I'm just going to trust Him in this new year. I'm going to try and press into Him harder and when I want to throw my hands up in agony and give up- that's when I just need to drop to my knees and pray/praise. Truth be told, I just don't know... I can't see tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to do next week or even what I'm going to eat for lunch tomorrow.
So here I am. I'm waiting and I'm watching and I'm praying. He see's me. He hears me and He knows. He know's the desires of my heart.
Thank you to those of you who are still here or who I've had the great pleasure of reconnecting with. And to those who have fallen behind- if you have to think about it, yeah, it's probably you... But to you, we were what we were for a time and that is all. And I'm grateful for what it was because it was all a part of this wonderful web called life.
2017, here we come!
God bless.
We watched families lose loved ones and mourned with them. While at the same time we gained an addition to our family and rejoiced in God's goodness. We watched milestones met, with the realization that others were surpassed a long time ago. At times the reality of it was overwhelming and other times we simply celebrated where we are. We are whatever we are, whatever that is. We're here, we're alive and we're still breathing. While there may have been many things that were meant to harm us, with tear stricken faces as times we still praised. God is still good. Even when we haven't understood, God is still good.
If 2016 taught me anything it was a continue to praise even when I don't feel like it and also not to get comfortable with my plans. There isn't much that happened in 2016 that happened just as we planned. Judah came into the world quietly and gently, healing parts of my ever broken heart. Cookiepants decided that she would hold her own bottle the day we brought her brother home from the hospital. Another thing I learned is that help comes from the most unexpected places and people. And the ones you would believe would be there scatter still. I'm not mad though, it's just life and it's all a part of God's grand plan. I know that He is sovereign over that part of our life too. Sometimes old friends are drawn back together while others drift further away. I've learned not to count on anything but God's hand in this life, who He draws near.
He has been faithful when I haven't been, He's loved me when I was unlovable. Jesus has been there every step of the way. There were many times I felt alone or overwhelmed, you'll have that with this set of circumstances... I'm still learning that, everyday.
I've finally come around to the concept of making some plans and having dreams and hopes again. Those things were dashed away a few years ago, all felt lost. I am often reminded, because we're still here that God has a plan for our life. A plan to prosper us and not to harm us. I'm comforted by that. There were times where I just about scoffed at that scripture in my darker moments. But I've learned that even when it's hard to believe, I must believe.
One thing I must carry into 2017 is the knowledge that plans and dreams are fine and good, they give me something to strive toward. But God ultimately determines where we go and who we're with. We will continue to make plans for the future and pray that they turn out better than we had hoped for. God is capable to knitting things together for our life far grander than anything that we could ever dream up or imagine. Oh how wonderful does that sound!?
I'm looking forward to 2017 and all that it has to offer, I'm hoping there won't be so many bumps and bruises this year but this is life and those happen. They hurt, often badly... I just have to remember to feel them instead of just tossing those feeling aside. I am only human after all, though most of the time, my obligations should be assigned to someone who is super human. But God takes care of that piece too, filling me with His strength. I know that I can't go a day without Him.
The end of 2016 felt like a tidal wave of sewing up gaps and it hit pretty hard. The week of Christmas especially. I praised as I held my cat for the last time. I praised as I waited in the waiting room for Cookiepants to get out of surgery. We praised as Cookiepants opened Christmas gifts for the first time ever, as did Judah. It was adorable. It was quiet and it was just the four of us, just as God intended I guess. We sat in our Christmas light lit home, watching old movies, enjoying one another's company and holding each other close. Just as we were supposed to.
There is nothing else that could have taught us to love one another and appreciate each other the way that we do. Whatever we have been through has gotten us here and whether it was "good or bad" we wouldn't be the same without it. I wouldn't love and admire my husband the way I do today had it not been for everything we've been through together. When Judah calls out for his "mama," it wouldn't sound as sweet as it does had it not been for nonverbal cues from Cookiepants. One day we will appreciate a bigger home that much more, after having lived in a home that we're convinced we've out grown. And winter (don't get me started) I'll soon appreciate the meaning of winter one day when we move somewhere more temperate. It's all there, it's all in the plan. But mostly, I recognize it's not my plan. And I can't look back and state without a doubt that this or that happened because I needed to learn this. But what I do know, I'm just going to trust Him in this new year. I'm going to try and press into Him harder and when I want to throw my hands up in agony and give up- that's when I just need to drop to my knees and pray/praise. Truth be told, I just don't know... I can't see tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to do next week or even what I'm going to eat for lunch tomorrow.
So here I am. I'm waiting and I'm watching and I'm praying. He see's me. He hears me and He knows. He know's the desires of my heart.
Thank you to those of you who are still here or who I've had the great pleasure of reconnecting with. And to those who have fallen behind- if you have to think about it, yeah, it's probably you... But to you, we were what we were for a time and that is all. And I'm grateful for what it was because it was all a part of this wonderful web called life.
2017, here we come!
God bless.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
We had no idea...
I think back to 3 years ago when I was just a couple months pregnant with Lily... I try to remember the challenges I faced and my attitude and reactions to them. I try to think about what my idea of lost sleep was or what feeling "heart-broken" felt like to me then. I think about these things because I had no idea that I'd be sitting here, having experienced the things I have experienced since then.
I try to think about the things that used to get under my skin... Uncontrollably screaming children. Grinding teeth. Vomiting. No sleep. Opposition at every corner. Constant mind numbing pain in my back.
I think by now, you can guess where this is going. I'm there, all these things listed above happen or occur on a daily basis. If you know me, I don't seek pity. I have no interest in it, I write these blogs just to give a glance into the window known as our life. I view the aforementioned irritants as sandpaper to grind away at the things that never should have bothered me. Does that make sense? There are things we let bother us or that we judge but we don't know the back story behind those things. Maybe I made a mistake along the road and judged something or someone and that's why they're my sandpaper now. I don't know and I likely won't find out this side of heaven. All I can do is accept these things and move on.
I am not the woman I was 3 years ago, there may be a mere scrap of her left. Though I know we have suffered some form of PTSD from all of this, I feel like we're slowly coming out of it. My plan is to emerge from all this trauma stronger than I ever was, more certain of who I am. What matters most, is who I am in Christ and boy have I ever gotten to know that version of me better than ever. Never in my life have I had to depend on God so much, someday's just to get through the day in tact.
When we think about starting a family or expanding one, we get this cushy feeling. One of love and warmth and completion. I know I did. I still do. (no, we're not expanding the family anymore) When we embark on such a wondrous journey with our husband or wife, the mere thought of it is exciting! It's also scary because it's unknown territory, instead of 2 of us, there will be 3 or 4 or 5, etc. When we embarked on this journey, we had no idea that we would have such a high calling. A calling that only God could see us through.
I was never much for relying on people or asking for help, I was always a "I'll do it myself" kind of gal. I think or two reasons, one- people fail you and two- pride. I've come to realize that people still fail you but I've also come to realize that there's no room for pride in my life. I don't want anything to do with it, in fact, I pray the Holy Spirt continues to convict me of any pride.
Never in a million years did I think we'd have an unhealthy baby... Pride. There I stood, spiritually naked, pride-less. And all the things above that used to get under my skin, I was forced to replace with a feeling of love and sympathy.
There were so many things I didn't understand about life and the people here. There are still so many more things I don't understand and will likely never come into contact with in my lifetime. What I do know is that there were things that I had never experienced or dismissed as irritating that I am now faced with everyday. My heart swells with love for those of us who are on such a complicated journey... We all are really, as no two lives look the same. We're all faced with challenges and complications. But it's all a matter of how we view them. I guess I was just extra stubborn and the only way to change me was to break me. And the only way to get me to seek God or look to Him in every aspect of my life was to bring me to my knees.
We all bleed and breathe, we all desire love. In my early 20's I was blind to that fact. If you were lousy toward me, expect a double dose back! Now... I believe it's a waste of time and I'd rather just pray for them. For most of us, there are defining moments in life when that light bulb lights up above our heads. There will always be nay-sayers, don't let them stop you if you know it's right. We need to keep pressing on, moving forward, in the right direction. Our attitude defines who we really are! I know my attitude needed some fine tuning, though for now I'm still tired and my body is hurting I certainly feel like I have a greater purpose to my life. I was broken so that God's light can shine through me better. It was painful being stripped spiritually naked but I'm grateful it happened.
Keep pressing on friends, let your hearts be filled with love for those around you even if they don't treat you well. Pray for them instead. We've all walked a path none of us knows anything about, love on them rather than judge. I share this because I know at points and places in my life, I made these mistakes. Being broken isn't ugly, it's beautiful- God's light can shine through...
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Just passing through...
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as it's own. As it is, you do not belong to the world but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember what I told you: 'a servant is not greater than his master,' if they persecuted me, they will persecute you also." John 15:18-20
I wanna pick this apart a little bit, really zoom in there if we can. "If the world hates you," let's start there... Why do they hate you? Are you a jerk or do they hate you because 'you take this Jesus thing too seriously?' Do you not share in all the world views? Do you follow along with Jesus when others think you've completely lost your mind?
If you're a jerk, knock it off! Life is too short to project your misery onto everyone else. And whether you believe it or not, you'll have to take account for everything you've done. We all will. I know I don't want to stand at the judgement seat of God and have to give account for a bunch of miserable things with no other excuse than my own sad attempt at excusing myself. No excuse holds water as far as God is concerned. But there is one way to get pardoned, Jesus.
So, you take the "Jesus thing" seriously... Fantastic! Jesus is far more real than your hand in front of you.
It is an immediate response to retaliate when someone makes an offense against you, right? It crosses our minds even if we don't follow through. Jesus says forgive 70 times 7, essentially He says, keep forgiving and don't keep track.
"As it is, you do not belong to the world but I have chosen you out of the world."
If you ever feel unspecial or unimportant, you're not. You were chosen, you are dearly loved by the God of the universe. He tells you in the Bible countless times! If you don't believe me, have a look for yourself. He also tells us not to worry about our lives here. I know that sounds hard to do because we do get a bit attached to things and people here but there is something far better than here. It is with Him in heaven. And He can tell you not to worry because He is assured of this place and you can be assured if only you trust and believe.
"A servant is not greater than his master, if they persecuted me they will persecute you also."
I'd have to say this one is pretty obvious, we're not exempt just as Jesus was not exempt. The Pharisees and other religious leaders of that time were always seeking to kill Him. Jesus was always ducking out of crowds and seeking refuge in quiet far off places any chance He could get. He was in trouble. He was an outlaw for the right reasons.
Are you an outlaw for the right reasons? Are you sought for advice and help? Is your insight requested?
It's quite alright to stick out in a crowd, Jesus certainly did. It's alright to be an outcast, Jesus was. If you take up your cross daily and follow the Lord and you're met with ridicule by those who are of this world, you're in good company. The Bible tells us in Matthew 7:13-14, "Enter through the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate ans narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few will find it."
"Few will find it," -Wow, few... You are one of few. Checking google today, there are 7.4 billion people in the world right now. So of those 7.4 billion, few will find the narrow path that leads to life, eternal life, that is. I want to be one of the few. I will follow Jesus even while everyone around me doesn't understand or laughs at me. I will follow Him, He's more real than this temporal place that I live in. He's more real that my "real life problems," He's also bigger than my "real life problems." My problems and troubles pale in comparison to the glory that is coming! Oh what a fine day it will be.
I had it on my heart to share this message today, someone needed it, including me. It's a message I continually need to be reminded of myself, the world, the life, all seems to huge and so real sometimes. When really, we're only passing through. We've all got a set time here. We've all got a set list of goals to accomplish and lessons to teach others. One day it all will make sense, we're assured of this.
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Adulting doesn't have to suck.
Psssssssst..... come'ere, I wanna tell you a secret... Come a little closer- there, that's perfect. You ready?
-Just because we're adults, our life doesn't have to suck... No really, It doesn't. -Yes, of course I'm serious, you don't have to look so bewildered.
I've recently come to the conclusion that it doesn't have to be all work and no play or laughter or planning everything to the nth degree. I've seen a meme going around the internet that the Bible says: "Fear not" like 365 times but I think it may actually be more. I haven't counted, that would take a lot of time. Okay, cross check, Google says it is indeed 365 times. So guess what, that's no coincidence and there is in fact one "fear not" for each day of the year!
Think about that for a minute, what is the root of all your adulting anxiety? I know what mine is, FEAR! I had one smart college professor that professed that fear was- False Evidence Appearing Real. That really stuck with me!
I still have days where my mind starts spinning out of control with all the what if's and believe me, there are a lot of them. But honestly, as of late, I really just don't care. They're not my problem. Jesus told me to come to Him and He would give me rest and give me His yoke which is much easier than mine. So guess what, daily (dismissing fear) I turn over my burdens to Him. He's got it. Yes, He's strong enough. Who else could have managed to die on the cross for all the sins of the world? God in the flesh, that's who.
With my new "fear not" banner waving proudly in the air (courtesy of Jesus, of course) I've had the distinct pleasure of feeling alive again. Yes, alive. No, I wasn't dead before but I surely wasn't living... I was getting by each day, head hitting the pillow exhausted. Oh I'm still tired some days, I'm human but my heart isn't so heavily weighed down with all the burdens of life.
We of course have a unique circumstance in our house, our daughter... Whose fate we can't be certain, we don't know any of our fates but there is one things we do know about our fate- where we're going. That is one thing that helps me sleep at night, should anything happen to any one of us, we will one day be together again. Thank you Lord Jesus!!! I can't thank Him enough and I can't manage to live my life enough for Him either! It's a debt I simply pay nor did He expect me to. He just wants me to trust Him. So, everyday I wake up there is an exchange that takes place. I hand over my stuff and He gives me His peace. Yes, It's that easy... There are times throughout the day where the enemy tries to steal it but it's as simple as readjusting my vision back to Him.
It has absolutely broken me how little I've been "living" rather than just getting by and surviving the day. Yes, broken. It's been like a thick cloud of oppression. It was dark and thick and miserable in there. I wasn't alone in there, maybe it was something I needed to go though to get to where I am now and have some staying power here. I never knew a sadness like I became acquainted with other the last two years, it was debilitating. There are still days where I feel emotional but I've learned that I need to experience them rather than suppress them.
On the difficult days I know I can kneel at the foot of the cross and surrender everything over to Jesus once more. There isn't a limit. There is no end to His love and understanding. He will never tell me to go away. And He will never leave my side.
I'm re-learning how to be an adult, the most responsible way I know how. It's been a matter of erasing everything I thought that I knew and replacing it with His truths. I'm letting go of the wheel and giving it over to Him, Jesus will do a much better job of avoiding the pot holes and pit falls of life than I will. I can have a bit more fun too because I'm not shouldering all that unnecessary responsibility that just isn't mine. It's not mine, say it with me. IT'S NOT MINE! Now give up. Really, it's safe, give up. Give it over to Jesus and start to live for Him rather than for whatever the world is telling you to live for. If you're living for Him, you're loving people in all the right ways. You're doing your part in the world but the stress is gone. Poof! Gone.
The heck with stress and anxiety and all those other awful things were plagued with. Screw them all! We don't need them, do we? Life is so hard that we don't even get out of here alive... Haha... sorry, a little humor there. But we can have eternal life and that friends, that is a beautiful thing!
Hey, don't let adulting get you down. Talk to Jesus, He'd love to hear from you and He'd love to share in your burdens with you and your triumphs. He's an amazing man.
I'm off to go color in my blanket fort, have a stellar day friends!
-Just because we're adults, our life doesn't have to suck... No really, It doesn't. -Yes, of course I'm serious, you don't have to look so bewildered.
I've recently come to the conclusion that it doesn't have to be all work and no play or laughter or planning everything to the nth degree. I've seen a meme going around the internet that the Bible says: "Fear not" like 365 times but I think it may actually be more. I haven't counted, that would take a lot of time. Okay, cross check, Google says it is indeed 365 times. So guess what, that's no coincidence and there is in fact one "fear not" for each day of the year!
Think about that for a minute, what is the root of all your adulting anxiety? I know what mine is, FEAR! I had one smart college professor that professed that fear was- False Evidence Appearing Real. That really stuck with me!
I still have days where my mind starts spinning out of control with all the what if's and believe me, there are a lot of them. But honestly, as of late, I really just don't care. They're not my problem. Jesus told me to come to Him and He would give me rest and give me His yoke which is much easier than mine. So guess what, daily (dismissing fear) I turn over my burdens to Him. He's got it. Yes, He's strong enough. Who else could have managed to die on the cross for all the sins of the world? God in the flesh, that's who.
With my new "fear not" banner waving proudly in the air (courtesy of Jesus, of course) I've had the distinct pleasure of feeling alive again. Yes, alive. No, I wasn't dead before but I surely wasn't living... I was getting by each day, head hitting the pillow exhausted. Oh I'm still tired some days, I'm human but my heart isn't so heavily weighed down with all the burdens of life.
We of course have a unique circumstance in our house, our daughter... Whose fate we can't be certain, we don't know any of our fates but there is one things we do know about our fate- where we're going. That is one thing that helps me sleep at night, should anything happen to any one of us, we will one day be together again. Thank you Lord Jesus!!! I can't thank Him enough and I can't manage to live my life enough for Him either! It's a debt I simply pay nor did He expect me to. He just wants me to trust Him. So, everyday I wake up there is an exchange that takes place. I hand over my stuff and He gives me His peace. Yes, It's that easy... There are times throughout the day where the enemy tries to steal it but it's as simple as readjusting my vision back to Him.
It has absolutely broken me how little I've been "living" rather than just getting by and surviving the day. Yes, broken. It's been like a thick cloud of oppression. It was dark and thick and miserable in there. I wasn't alone in there, maybe it was something I needed to go though to get to where I am now and have some staying power here. I never knew a sadness like I became acquainted with other the last two years, it was debilitating. There are still days where I feel emotional but I've learned that I need to experience them rather than suppress them.
On the difficult days I know I can kneel at the foot of the cross and surrender everything over to Jesus once more. There isn't a limit. There is no end to His love and understanding. He will never tell me to go away. And He will never leave my side.
I'm re-learning how to be an adult, the most responsible way I know how. It's been a matter of erasing everything I thought that I knew and replacing it with His truths. I'm letting go of the wheel and giving it over to Him, Jesus will do a much better job of avoiding the pot holes and pit falls of life than I will. I can have a bit more fun too because I'm not shouldering all that unnecessary responsibility that just isn't mine. It's not mine, say it with me. IT'S NOT MINE! Now give up. Really, it's safe, give up. Give it over to Jesus and start to live for Him rather than for whatever the world is telling you to live for. If you're living for Him, you're loving people in all the right ways. You're doing your part in the world but the stress is gone. Poof! Gone.
The heck with stress and anxiety and all those other awful things were plagued with. Screw them all! We don't need them, do we? Life is so hard that we don't even get out of here alive... Haha... sorry, a little humor there. But we can have eternal life and that friends, that is a beautiful thing!
Hey, don't let adulting get you down. Talk to Jesus, He'd love to hear from you and He'd love to share in your burdens with you and your triumphs. He's an amazing man.
I'm off to go color in my blanket fort, have a stellar day friends!
Thursday, June 2, 2016
The purpose in life...
Let me just preface this by saying, I love the book of Ecclesiastes... I think about the wisdom in just that book alone because I have a lot of time to think about life and what it's all about. I don't know many people who do enjoy reading it, if you don't interpret it correctly, it's the most depressing book ever! But I love it.
So, we're going to go through and ponder some of the things that are brought forth to our attention and how it relates to now. Don't be shy, read on. And No I'm not gonna hit you over the head with a Bible either.
"I have see all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind." Ecc 1;14
Now what do you suppose that means? He digs in...
"I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives. I undertook great projects; I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them...... I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun." Ecc 2:3-5, 9-11
Wow, this guy had everything imaginable but still his ultimate revelation was- he wasn't happy and really, it was all still just meaningless.
Have you ever been there? You thought to yourself that you had everything that you wanted (without even being greedy) this was it, this was all you needed? I think we all have. I know I have at one point or another. But then, something else came along, something else that would make the picture even more complete. It would be the icing on the cake- so they say. Let's say you achieved it, but there is always going to be something else.
Have you ever wondered if everything that you do serves no purpose but to keep you entertained while you're here? We take everything so seriously, it seems. Except the right things. Think about that for a moment. Your car that you wax every weekend during the summer, do you buy your wife flowers every weekend too? Or the cell phones that never leave our sides, do we take such notice and care to regarding the food we put in our bodies? I think you get my point, I hope so...
I'm not standing on a soap box as I type this, I'm guilty on where my priorities are, I write these blogs more for me than for all of you. I'm just hoping to start some kind of a revolution here, one that's filled with love instead of hatred. I know the word love gets tossed around an awful lot but is it really love???
What else does the teacher say in this book?
"He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil- this is a gift from God." Ecc 3:12-13
Oh I love this book!
... set eternity in the hearts of men? Somewhere deep within us, we know this isn't it. I think to fill the void, the grasping and grabbing, we try to fill this "knowing" with everything imaginable other than God. Oh yeah... guilty. I used to love shopping, it made me happy for a little while, then I'd find something else that I wanted.
"There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. 'For whom am I toiling' he asked, 'And why and I depriving myself of enjoyment.' -This too is meaningless- a miserable business." Ecc 4:8
That's really sad, all that stuff and work put into it, with no one to share it with. Notice, the teacher says, 'miserable' here? It is miserable and lonely and meaningless!
"Naked a man comes from the womb, so he departs. He takes nothing from his labor that he can carry in his hand." Ecc 5:15
When you pass on, who gets your empire? Okay, so you have a beneficiary designated. Will they spend it wisely? Share the wealth while you're here, at least then you'll be obeying Gods commands AND you'll know where the good are going.
"The man who fears God will avoid all extremes." Ecc 7:18
All extremes of what? (to paraphrase) perishing in righteousness, wickedness, overly righteous, foolishness...
"Fear God and keep His commandments for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every detail into judgement, including every hidden thing, whether good or evil." Ecc 12:13-14
Why these? These are some of my favorites from this book, outlining some of the key points made through out the book. What good is wealth with no one to share it with? Finding satisfaction in what we're doing, knowing that it's a blessing from God, not just luck or fate. We came here with nothing, we will leave with nothing... It's not depressing, it's just facts. Solomon, who was said to be the wisest man to have ever lived is the one known to have written this book. The entire book is packed with wisdom. Wisdom is what he was known for.
Keep Gods commandments... Jesus came and had what is often referred to as the greatest commandment. It's found in Matthew 22:36-40
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?" Jesus replied; "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. this is the first and greatest commandment. and the second is like it; 'Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments."
If you're loving God with all you have and loving others, which often gives birth to enjoyment in what you do while you spend your days under the sun... This is the point of life then, isn't it? So If you've even wondered what the point to life is, this is it. The root of it is love, love God and love others.
Hey, thanks for reading along with me. Read Ecclesiastes on your own if you wish, it really is a fantastic book. And it's not break neck long either.
Love! It's all about love, the real kind. Not the manufactured garbage the world pumps out, love originates from God. We can love others because He loved us first.
So, we're going to go through and ponder some of the things that are brought forth to our attention and how it relates to now. Don't be shy, read on. And No I'm not gonna hit you over the head with a Bible either.
"I have see all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind." Ecc 1;14
Now what do you suppose that means? He digs in...
"I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives. I undertook great projects; I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them...... I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun." Ecc 2:3-5, 9-11
Wow, this guy had everything imaginable but still his ultimate revelation was- he wasn't happy and really, it was all still just meaningless.
Have you ever been there? You thought to yourself that you had everything that you wanted (without even being greedy) this was it, this was all you needed? I think we all have. I know I have at one point or another. But then, something else came along, something else that would make the picture even more complete. It would be the icing on the cake- so they say. Let's say you achieved it, but there is always going to be something else.
Have you ever wondered if everything that you do serves no purpose but to keep you entertained while you're here? We take everything so seriously, it seems. Except the right things. Think about that for a moment. Your car that you wax every weekend during the summer, do you buy your wife flowers every weekend too? Or the cell phones that never leave our sides, do we take such notice and care to regarding the food we put in our bodies? I think you get my point, I hope so...
I'm not standing on a soap box as I type this, I'm guilty on where my priorities are, I write these blogs more for me than for all of you. I'm just hoping to start some kind of a revolution here, one that's filled with love instead of hatred. I know the word love gets tossed around an awful lot but is it really love???
What else does the teacher say in this book?
"He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil- this is a gift from God." Ecc 3:12-13
Oh I love this book!
... set eternity in the hearts of men? Somewhere deep within us, we know this isn't it. I think to fill the void, the grasping and grabbing, we try to fill this "knowing" with everything imaginable other than God. Oh yeah... guilty. I used to love shopping, it made me happy for a little while, then I'd find something else that I wanted.
"There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. 'For whom am I toiling' he asked, 'And why and I depriving myself of enjoyment.' -This too is meaningless- a miserable business." Ecc 4:8
That's really sad, all that stuff and work put into it, with no one to share it with. Notice, the teacher says, 'miserable' here? It is miserable and lonely and meaningless!
"Naked a man comes from the womb, so he departs. He takes nothing from his labor that he can carry in his hand." Ecc 5:15
When you pass on, who gets your empire? Okay, so you have a beneficiary designated. Will they spend it wisely? Share the wealth while you're here, at least then you'll be obeying Gods commands AND you'll know where the good are going.
"The man who fears God will avoid all extremes." Ecc 7:18
All extremes of what? (to paraphrase) perishing in righteousness, wickedness, overly righteous, foolishness...
"Fear God and keep His commandments for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every detail into judgement, including every hidden thing, whether good or evil." Ecc 12:13-14
Why these? These are some of my favorites from this book, outlining some of the key points made through out the book. What good is wealth with no one to share it with? Finding satisfaction in what we're doing, knowing that it's a blessing from God, not just luck or fate. We came here with nothing, we will leave with nothing... It's not depressing, it's just facts. Solomon, who was said to be the wisest man to have ever lived is the one known to have written this book. The entire book is packed with wisdom. Wisdom is what he was known for.
Keep Gods commandments... Jesus came and had what is often referred to as the greatest commandment. It's found in Matthew 22:36-40
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?" Jesus replied; "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. this is the first and greatest commandment. and the second is like it; 'Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments."
If you're loving God with all you have and loving others, which often gives birth to enjoyment in what you do while you spend your days under the sun... This is the point of life then, isn't it? So If you've even wondered what the point to life is, this is it. The root of it is love, love God and love others.
Hey, thanks for reading along with me. Read Ecclesiastes on your own if you wish, it really is a fantastic book. And it's not break neck long either.
Love! It's all about love, the real kind. Not the manufactured garbage the world pumps out, love originates from God. We can love others because He loved us first.
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Reflections
I remember my 20's... They weren't that long ago, really. But I often wonder where they went and what the hell happened?
I remember the days of not having an agenda; sleeping until I just woke up, working so I had enough money for the essentials and a whole lot of fun...
What makes my 20's even stranger is how at times, I feel like I'm a 15 year old trapped in a 30 somethings body. I look at my three kids someday's and think to myself, I'm somebody's mother? It's not that I never thought I'd have kids, I knew I always wanted to, it just seems like sometimes it snuck up so fast on me. As if it were an over night thing, like BAM here you go- 3 kids...
What on earth happened? When did life get so serious? Or at least it sure feels that way. Life the last several years has felt like a list of don't do's. I miss trying new things and going new places... I miss having fun.
I know of a real turning point for me and not for the better either... When Cookie was born. You know that moment right before something really bad is about to happen? You're frozen in place, watching, waiting for the impact? If you've ever been in a car accident that you saw coming, you know what I'm talking about then. I've been living there, someday's. I'm holding my breath, I'm braced for impact, my eyes widened... I've been there for over two years.
The strange thing is, we've had some really good days lately. The weather has been warm and the sun has been shining bright. It's the perfect combination for Cookie to have a good day and she's been having a lot more of them lately. I've even been laughing a bit more, smiling and doting upon how "good" things have been but somewhere in me, I'm still posed for disaster.
Jesus said He came to give us life to the full. That scripture often cycles through my mind. I'm not living. Not even close. Someday's I come to the conclusion that I left my heart bleeding on the floor of that hospital where one of our worst nightmares came true. At least we thought it was a nightmare...
In the midst of this great trial, we've discovered what a blessing all of this is. Now, I've never been the greatest at coping with the hard stuff, I've been accustomed to just shutting down. It's always been easier to deal with the pain that way. Due to the nature of this life lesson, being that it isn't temporary or so it seems, it's going to last a while... I've come to the realization that I'm going to have to learn how to live like this... Really live, not just get by. Though I've been walking it out for over two years now, it's time to pull the veil down and feel everything again, even if it hurts.
I don't think anyone likes pain... I've endured three labor's; an unhealthy helping of dental pain, heartache, broken bones, wounds etc. But I don't know many that would willingly walk into it, yelling; "hit me again."
We're all here, walking through fire just to get to the other side. Everyone's blaze looks different from the next guy or gal's. We've all come from different places, gone through different things and were affected by those things respective to who we are. It's shaped us.
I've thought a lot about how I want this to shape me... It's already begun but I just need to let go and let the Lord go to work on me. I don't know most days what it is that I'm holding onto? Am I afraid that I'll lose myself? The person I once knew myself to be? I know I'm not her anymore. If there is anything that I do know, it's that after everything we've been through the last couple of years, we could never be those people again. We've been forever changed. I take heart in knowing that I'm closer to being like Jesus than I ever was. I feel it in my heart. That is the ultimate goal while I'm here, after all. "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:35
We didn't think this was what we signed up for but it was, walking with the Lord. It was bigger than my "down for whatever" mentality that I had when I was in my 20's. In my 20's I was reckless and didn't really care about anything or anyone but myself. When I came to Jesus, I did sign up for "down for whatever." I am to "take up my cross daily." I still have a long way to go, being more like Jesus. I'm a work in progress. I'd rather be plodding forward than just sitting and sulking over what I thought could have been.
I know that was a hang up of mine, the picture I had in my head. It looks nothing like what I see. It wasn't a part of the plan. But how often for life look like the picture in your head? We often think we know whats best for us. The easier way through life. The un-messy life. You know what, I'd get bored. I do that... I get bored pretty easily, I really do.
I've been challenged to live a life without boredom. Sure, I have days that I get bored, plenty of them. But they're messy days. They're unpredictable days. In my 20's, everything was pretty predictable. It was perfect for who I was then but not for who I am now. Fortunately, I've evolved beyond that woman. I care a lot more. I love a lot harder, I finally know what love really is. It's taken me all of this to learn what love is. I know that the whole point of being here is love... The world is missing the point or hatred is masked as love. Think about that one and what you see all around you now. That's another story for another day.
Another scripture that has been coming to mind lately has been: "Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:39
I think about it often, handing over the vision I had in my head in exchange for what the Lord has in store for me. I surrender! Again, I surrender... I can't keep fighting what is for what I thought I wanted. Okay Lord, give me your vision. Show me what you want, I want to love like you do. And help me to choose peace about it rather than feeling defeated.
When I feel like I just can't do it anymore, that still small voice reminds me I'm not alone. Keep going! C'mon, this way love, you've got it. Don't give up now...
I know that I won't have it my way, it's getting my mind to agree with what my heart already knows.
My 20's are gone, along with a wayward life. I have more purpose now than I ever did before and I'm working on embracing His vision. Here we go...
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
The pursuit of playdom
The
pursuit of playdom.
I
remember when I was a little girl, playing was incorporated into everything
that I did, naturally. As a child that was naturally where my thoughts went-
how I could play with this and that of my surroundings. Remember how easy it
was to play and quickly get whisked off into a different world comprised of
make believe and wonder? In my early twenties, I think I still knew how to
play. They were just more adult games, like darts or pool or poker. I still
knew how to kick back and relax back then too.
Now
that I’m in my early 30’s, when I wake up in the morning, my mind is flooded
with the tasks that need to be carried out for the day. All of the needs of
others that need to be fulfilled. There are some days that when my head hits
the pillow at night, that even though everything got done that day, I still
feel as though nothing got done. I’ve begun to think it’s because there was no
play time. There was no fun involved. Maybe a few moments on the phone, playing
some time waster game- just to take the edge off the day, momentarily. Other
than that, where did all the fun go?
There
is a pulse to our nation that can be heard in nearly every commercial; media
outlet, schools and just about anywhere else. Strive. Succeed. Don’t stop. Keep
pushing. Keep planning. Keep working. Don’t rest. This is where all the play
has gone. The idea has been knocked off the drawing board of the adult life and
replaced with endless striving. There is a book in the Bible that speaks about
all the things of life, Ecclesiastes. The first time I read it, I thought it
was really depressing. But then the next time I read it, I felt the Lord open
my eyes to the real point behind it all. That life is meaningless without God.
God is
the author of all things, whether it is work or it is play. You can see the
nature of our Creator in all things. Although we are the only ones made in His
image.
“I have
seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a
chasing after the wind.” Ecc 1:14
“Naked a man comes from his mother’s
womb, and as he comes, so he departs. He takes nothing from his labor that he
can carry in his hand.” Ecc 5:15
I am not suggesting lazy-ness
either, I am suggesting not so much busyness. Busyness keeps our sight off of
what is most important; God and our families. Growing in love and in
relationship with both. Having fun together. Playing. Living rather than just
surviving and striving.
We can’t achieve our way into
approval from God. There are days where we are going to fall miserably short of
God’s glory, that is every day but that is what we have Jesus Christ for. We
will all stand before the judgment seat of God, whether you believe that or
not. I will not stand there and explain away all the things that I did in this
life and all the things that I had. All the money I had in the bank, all the
awards I won and how respected or feared I may have been. I want to stand there
and tell Him that I loved my family with every ounce of love He filled my heart
with. And on the days I felt myself slipping, I turned to His Son for my
strength to go on. That is what I hope to take with me when I depart.
If you sit and look out your window
on a fall or spring day and watch the squirrels you will see a wonderful
example of work and play. Squirrels are usually hard at work; collecting,
gathering, building. But in the midst of it all, they play. You see them
chasing one another up and down trees, from limb to limb. Or what about dogs?
Who do you think it is that gave your dog a mind to play fetch? Or what causes
the birds to rejoice after a warm spring rain? I can see outside my window,
even though it is bitter cold, squirrels playing. And when the wind picks up, I
can see them cuddling together for warmth in their tree top nests.
Some
would argue that animals are almost “programmed” to be this way or that it’s
just their nature. That may be true but maybe they are the smarter ones for not
replacing the original program. Do you think we were always supposed to strive
unto death? Until we are thread bare and white knuckled? Why do you suppose
more and more people need sleeping pills just to sleep? Or depression
medication? There is something going on here that we are all ignoring- this
life we are leading, the one we are pushed to lead due to our environments and
our newly programmed mindsets, is taking away from what matters most. The thing
that gives us peace. God. Family. And some good old fashioned fun.
“By
the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh
day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it
holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.”
Genesis 2:2-3.
I don’t think God rested because He
was tired… He rested because He knows how important resting is. It’s an example
and outline set forth for us to follow. We need to rest too. We also need to
play. It is in our nature, remember, you played as a child. You ARE still the
person you were as a child, you’re just older now and your playdom has been
stolen by all of your tasks and endless striving. Find that person again. He or
she is still in there. Don’t think about how silly you will look, playing. Just
go where your heart leads you. Play in a way that of course wouldn’t be harmful
to others or displeasing to God. Or if that’s too big of a step, then just be
still…
Good luck finding your way back to
playdom, your inner child will be there waiting for you…
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