I needed a place to go today.

I needed a place to go today, not a place to air all my grievances but a place where I could just feel safe to share what is on my heart and on my mind today. Somewhere, someone would understand... So, naturally I turn to the Holy Spirit, who can decipher even my deep signs and groans.

I know I have not written here in a very long time but it has actually been a really difficult year, plagued with many lengthy hospital visits for Cookiepants. She is home, we got home again this past Saturday. We had such high hopes for this last visit, a surgery that in theory would have alleviatedI some of her digestive discomfort. But here we are staring into the face of the same beast that has troubled her since birth, manifesting itself as uncontrollable screaming and punching and being generally inconsolable.

I cry out to the Holy Spirit for His help and His guidance every single day. Whom else should I cry out to but my Father? He is filled with all knowledge and wisdom and is the only one who has what I need. Whether it be comfort or wisdom, He has it. And honestly, I just like spending time with Him. He gets me.

Being a special needs parent has not gotten easier. You just get to a place where you are pushed beyond your, "never will I ever's" and you fix your messy bun, refill your tea mug with the strongest tea you can import and you deal. You stare into the face of all the things you never wanted to do, all of the things no parent ever dreams about doing. In our case, many days have been an especially tailored nightmare. We do our best every single day but some days it just isn't enough.

While we were in the hospital, I prayed and asked God what He wanted me to do. The Holy Spirit whispered, "Sara, you have the ability to bring a bit of heaven with you where ever you go." So I took Him at His word and viewed the hospital as not just somewhere people go to get better (hopefully) but as a Holy Spirit playground. I saw opportunities all over the place to pray for others and lay hands on people in prayer. Back in July when there was the chance that we could have lost Lily, I wasn't going to let her very poor condition stop me from being hopeful for her and for others. I cheered when I saw children going home, knowing my child was going to be there for at least another 10 days. I celebrated the work I saw God doing all over that place. I celebrated when Lily broke through her poor diagnosis and began getting better again. I celebrated when her partial blockage was discovered in her stomach because at least we knew about one more missing piece to the puzzle.

There continues to be so much that we just don't know. This week, in spite of being fed into her intestines, she is still cranky and angry. It would be so easy for me to feel sorry for us and feel defeated but I am just not going to. We have come too far and God has given us too many promises in His Word to neglect even a single one, though things look quite grim today. I don't know what is wrong, I do not know how to fix it but I know that He does.

We are tired. This has been an epic-ally long battle where the fires continue to rage on. I am only one woman but fortunately, I have an entire army standing behind me, because my Father tells me so. No matter how this all shakes out, we will not be defeated, we will not have lost and I will not stop serving my God.

For now, we will hold tight to His promises because they are quite literally all that we have. We have done everything medically that there has been offered to do. Special needs parenting often translates to waiting, a lot. And so we wait. We wait for God to carry out His promises, for the things decreed over our lives to come to fruition, for the prophesies to be made manifest. We await the move of God, because nothing and no one can stop the will of God for our lives, not even the enemy of our souls. God's will is ALWAYS; wholeness, wellness and peace for our body, mind and soul. Nothing less. What I see before me is irrelevant. What God says is what is the truth. That is all I need to know. And that is where I will stay. 

Fear

      God seems to have made a habit of repeating Himself on one specific point, fear. It is said, "Do not fear," is repeated in the Bible 365 times. I Googled it, Google confirms that sentiment. There was something that God knew about fear that we don't. It's disabling. It's spirit crushing. It's ungodly. God didn't make light when He commanded us not to fear.

    "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed; for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

    God will not leave us nor forsake us in the day to day nor when we are in the midst of trials. There are times when we don't "feel" Him there. Just because you can't feel Him near, doesn't mean He isn't. It is a promise that He will never leave us. Feeling are temporary, they come and go like the wind but God is eternal. He is the same yesterday, today and forever(Hebrews 13:8).

     Fear can be debilitating and crippling. Fear can keep us locked up in our homes, fulfilling the same tasks and never experiencing anything new. Fear can keep us from living out loud and living life to the full— which is one of the things that Jesus came here to do, give us life to the full (John 10:10) Jesus didn't come here to condone our many excuses why we can't get out there and live the life He paid a mighty price for. We will one day give an account for how we spent our time here on earth and sadly, no excuse will stand.

    How do you know you're living in fear? The sneaky thing about fear is that it disguises itself as rationalization. It makes sense to you why you won't do the thing that was proposed to do but honestly, it's heavy laden with fear. It's merely an excuse.

    Here's a few examples of fear. Fear said, don't get out and socialize, no one will be able to relate to you or your life anymore— since having a special needs child. Following the birth of Cookiepants, I had a serious case of "social anxiety disorder." It was awful. I had anxiety attacks just going to the grocery store. I needed so badly to get out of the house and get a break from what was going on at home. But there was another side of me that was petrified. Scared that others would want to talk to me and what would I say? I had nothing to talk about that wasn't something related to the new life that was dropped on my lap. I didn't want others to see the exhaustion that had taken up a permanent residence on my face. I didn't want to have to explain or share. I just wanted to stay in my home where life was about as unpredictable as life gets but at least it was strangely becoming more familiar.

    Fear said: Give Cookiepants up for adoption following her birth. But love said; just love her. Adoption was never a consideration of mine but it was suggested to us as an option. I'm grateful every single day that we chose to just love her instead.

   Fear says: Don't bother looking for a new home, just stay where it's familiar. This was something my husband and I had talked about. Our family expanded by +2, so we needed a new home desperately. So we searched not in a wildly committed sort of way but looked around. We found a beautiful home and applied to get it, then left it in the hands of our loving Father. Well, Daddy wanted a bigger brighter home for us too because we packed our things and moved away from everything that was fondly familiar.

   Fear says; Get an abortion if you get pregnant before you get genetics testing done. Well, I did get pregnant before I had genetics testing done. And had I followed through with (the enemy's) fears "suggestion," I would not have the final jewel in my crown, my dear son.

    Can you imagine? What would my life look like now had I allowed fear to drive my decisions? I would be less two children, living in the same place, doing the same things and wondering why my life feels so empty. My life would be empty of all the things that give it flavor. There is no forward movement in fear. Fear keeps your feet planted right where they are as if you have roots. We can go ahead and pat ourselves on the back, commending ourselves for all the things we do that we think are sufficient but it's not enough. Yeah but I do this, this and this... Yes but what about the things of life that you let pass you by?

    What are we letting pass us by? The things of God. The things that make God smile. The risks we are willing to take for another human being. The time that we spend with others, rather than spending them alone in our own little selfish prison. God commanded us not to fear, God doesn't fear and we have the spirit of God living within us! How much more empowered can you get? Yes, the spirit of the living God resides within you if you have a relationship with His son Jesus Christ.

   "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma." Ephesians 5:1-2

   "The spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'" Romans 8:15

     So you see, this fear that you have is nothing more than a tactic of the enemy and once recognized and it is already diminished. Get out there and live! Get out there and share the love of God with others. We don't get another shot at this thing called life. Its so sad when life is wasted. Don't grieve over that fact for too long, allow that to in part be your fuel to make the change not to live in fear anymore. What do you have to lose? You dignity? Your reputation? Your life savings? What, what is it? Do any of these things matter if it isn't pleasing to God? Heck no! Count it all loss unless it's been done for the Father. Nothing else is worth anything. Do everything as unto the Father.

    But what am I supposed to do, you ask? A good place to start is picking something that is good-willed and good-natured that maybe scares the crud out of you. First, affirm that you will do this thing, whatever it is as an act of obedience to the Father and that you relinquish the spirit of fear in Jesus mighty name. Be dead set on it. Do not back down and do not lose heart. God is with you.

    Maybe it's volunteering at church to greet people. Maybe it's getting back to going to church because the last church you went to put you off or upset you somehow. Try again, right? Maybe it's visiting a relative out of state that you haven't seen in ages. Whatever it is, do it with love and as an act of obedience toward God. You must first commit to doing something different, something that challenges you and maybe even scares you a bit. It's alright to do something, with hands shaking, heart pounding and knees shuddering. You still did it, you over came your fear! There are plenty of opportunities out there to drive out fear. God is constantly tossing us opportunities. Until we are even willing to get beyond our fear, we are playing catch with God in a baseball field while wearing a blindfold. Until we're willing to take the blindfold off and say yes to Him rather than fear, we'll miss the opportunities.

   Oh friends... I can't even put into words right now how good God is and how very much He loves us in this very moment. There is nothing that can separate you from His love and there is nothing you can do that will make Him love you any less. He doesn't condemn, He corrects, there is a big different between those two words. God lovingly guides and corrects us, whereas the enemy will condemn and make us feel bad. Oh if only we would just believe that He is always with us, the freedom that lies just on the other side of that door is boundless. God's mind thinks and imagines in a much greater an expansive way than our mind can. He has the entire universe within His capable hands, every resource is within His grasp, to be used for His creativity. Just trust and believe Him, you will not be disappointed. God is indeed good, all the time.

    Be blessed and bless others today dear friends, God never leaves our side. We are enabled to get out and love others the way He loves us.
   

Silence

     Sometimes silence is birthed through discontentment. Shutting things down because what you see around you isn't what you want to carry with you. If you're not careful, it becomes like a shadow or a carefully placed residue on you.

    Have you ever had that happen? Spent time with someone who was in a horrid mood and when you departed from their presence, you felt amiss— to say the least? I don't want that in my life right now and I certainly don't need it either. I'm on a mission. And this mission will not be hindered or stopped.

    I've been taking an extended break, for the most part from social media. I'm still on Instagram and Pinterest because those places aren't overcome with disparity and wickedness. The fun has, in my eyes, for the most part been removed from other social media outlets. I'm not sad about my recent removal, It's been quite enlightening. I knew God was going to have a plan for this period of time and He most certainly has been faithful— as expected.

    Everyday is nothing short of miraculous, if you're looking for it. We woke up again today. We have another chance. Isn't that enough?

    I think of the movie Gladiator, where Maximus slays in the coliseum and yells to the crowd, "Are you not entertained?" Because they weren't. They were borderline bored. That's us, as a people. What entertains us? We seek to be entertained at every moment of the day. This mentality, has been a part of my mission, the un-doing of being a typical American and stepping into my rightful lineage of mighty woman of God. I feel it necessary to mention here that the only reason why it is my rightful lineage is because Jesus Christ died for me and became my Savior. He took the punishment for my sins and misgivings. And in turn, I'm set on yielding myself to His working within me. I will not stop. I will not be distracted by the things of the world because boy, they are dead set on keeping me from running this race!

     "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:24

    When God points out your next move, run! Run like you've never ran before. Don't stop for anything. Don't turn your face to the right or to the left, just keep on running. When you're on a mission, don't stop. The enemy will try and distract you if he hasn't already succeeded at stopping you. He's a savage, he doesn't care one bit about us. He has all the allure of a dead and rotting corpse. But don't cash in for his plan, which may sound nice or sounds like it will be a short cut to where you need to go. But you will not have completed your mission as God had originally set you forth to do.

    This world has a plethora of distractions. They come in the form of games; TV shows, apps, perceived needs, goals set forth by worldly wisdom. But what are we really achieving to unless it is for the furtherance of the Kingdom? Whatever we do that isn't in line with God's will for our lives will be cast into the fire. (Matt 7:19, Matt 3:10, John 15:6)

    So, what is it that I'm supposed to be doing with my time then? I'm coming to find it's a lot less complicated than I thought... This has been an interesting journey I've been on and it seems as though it's just beginning, really.

   "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself." Luke 10:27

   "Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give." Matthew 10:8

    This is what normal should look like. This is what it is supposed to look like. This is what I strive to attain. This was the great commission, it was meant for you and I too. We may not have been standing there that day hearing it but it's just as valid today as it was then. Because: "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

    Nothing has changed, only our perception. If we regard the Bible as truth then this is our life. This is what we strive toward. This is God's will, bringing the Kingdom to earth— "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Matthew 6:10 
     Because that's what Jesus did while He was here. If you're a Christian- a follower of Christ then this is what you do.

    Now that I've discovered that this really is supposed to be my reality too, I won't stop until it is. I don't stand condemned, nor should you. I feel a fire rising up within me to seek God more than ever and grow closer in communion and in friendship with Him than ever. He knows I'm a stubborn woman and He also knows He can use that to His glory and I am more than happy to lend myself to Him. I am more than happy to live for Him. Because He has made eternity possible for me. He has blessed me beyond measure. He has loved me more in one moment than anyone can manage in a lifetime. He is my heavenly Father.

    I hope this has encouraged you today. It has encouraged me in my seeking and my perceived silence in the virtual world of the internet. But I have been far from silent, I've been pressing in and asking questions that only my Father has answers to.

    My request today; let us stop wasting time screwing around with time wasters and momentary distractions and start doing things that move the heart of the Father. Let us live from a Kingdom minded standpoint. Let us love the way He loves and do as He does. Jesus did what He saw the Father doing and this too, was our directive because we follow after Him.

   Be blessed today friends, bless others.

Transparency

    There is this lovely gift that you can bestow upon cherished persons around you, transparency. The true, to the core real you. Unhindered; un-polished, uninhibited, the real deal. Whether we realize it or not, we all need these kinds of relationships where we can just relax and be ourselves. We don't have to change our approach, the way we speak or guard the way we act.

    Are these relationships difficult to cultivate? I would say they are. Just think about it, how many people are you able to completely be yourself around? Are there certain aspects of your character that you hide from people? Do you speak in a certain way with others? It's odd how our demeanor changes around certain people... Are we trying to impress them? Are we hiding?

    I know from personal experience I hide information about myself from certain persons because I know all they'll do with it is dissect it and judge and magnify any fault they can find. There are plenty of people out there like that. So, I can understand that. It seems we're better off disassociating ourselves with persons like that. Bad company corrupts good character.

    But how many people do we just keep it real around? And what is it that makes those people who are in your in crowd, in? Is there a such this as being a good friend anymore? It seems that with the age of technology, there is a death within friendships. The death of connectivity and being real. We can all sit behind a computer and be whoever we want to be with only virtual backlash. But are we really who we say we are when the rubber hit the pavement?

   When tragedy strikes there is always an out pouring of condolences toward the persons affected but how many are willing to get their hands dirty?

    Are we as a people willing to lay our judgments and pretenses aside and allow others to be genuine around us? Or are we going to keep them on high alert but watching them speculatively from beneath our brow? Humans were meant to live from a place of community and one-ness. We were meant to help each other out, not only humans but other beings too.

   We as a people should be concerned with cultivating genuine relationships and friendships, not just who is beneficial to us at certain times. -Who can get us what we need, when we think we need it. There have to be people in our lives who we can be completely transparent around, the ones who will love us through the tears and the pain. The ones who will rejoice when we rejoice, because our victory is like a victory for them. Our spouse should be that person and if they're not, work on that. Our best friend should be that person, work on that. If you're feeling that these leading people in your life are no longer the people you can be transparent around, sit down and have a very casual conversation with them. Don't accuse, just share...

    More over, the number one person we should be transparent with is God. He already knows anyhow, so you might as well do your best to put it into words. And when you have no words, mumbling and tears will suffice because the Holy Spirit can interpret for you. God loves us more than we could ever imagine, no matter how far fallen we think we are, there is always a way back and that way is Jesus. I know this is fact because I've seen the proof in my own life. If there is ever a relationship aside from our human, day in and day out relationships to nurture, it's our relationship with God. God has seen and created the beginning and He can also see the end. God is the One we can always, no matter how ugly, keep it real with.

    But I do know, we were meant to have deep and meaningful relationships with others while were here on this planet too. Otherwise, we wouldn't have a longing for it. That is a longing only our Creator could place within us.

   So, if you need to make a change in this area of your life, your relationships are lacking that certain genuine-ness, YOU be the change. Give it a go. Listen to the people in your life and don't listen just long enough to assemble your own reply. Listen just to hear them. Reach out to others, they may be in need of a friend and you have no idea what kind of place they're in. Stop judging! Please, just stop. Don't think you're better than someone because you don't do the "bad" thing they do, guess what, that bad thing they do, is just different from the bad things you do. In other words, don't judge someone because they sin differently than you do. And don't for a minute think that you are without sin, if you do you're only fooling yourself. We can all hop down off our high horses and love others freely and genuinely.
    "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." 1 John 1:8 
 
     We must be the change that we wish to see in the world around us, it has to be within us before it is manifested elsewhere. If we're not willing to love others with abandon, when we are capable, why would it be so for us? Who are we that we should be pampered and groveled after?

   "Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

    "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is a sin for them." James 4:17

    Those are the last bits I will leave you with... Gosh, I love the Word of God, it speaks so true and blunt and to the point! You can't find wisdom like this anywhere else!

   Be the change friends, bless someone today merely by just being love to them. If Christ is your savior, I know you've got it in you.
      Be blessed.

Unoffended

     With the political agenda's in full swing and the devil handily at work these days, it seems as though, everyone is easily offended. Watch the news or read the paper to see in full view the various marches taking place for "rights" that are already obtained or not even being threatened. It's been astonishing to watch the actions being taken that have led to destruction that could have other wise been avoided. And all the while, being so easily offended, no one has taken thought to the One who is likely the most offended, God.

    We take up offense more quickly than we consider and weight our reaction. Which, reaction isn't the thing that is needed right now, it's just God. We need more of God in this state we're in, we need a restoration of faith. We've been so fooled to think that our marches and protests will gain for us the thing that we think we want or deserve, clouding out our true need of God. God has been mistakenly tossed out of establishments and homes as being archaic and extreme. But tell me, if everyone lived as God calls us to, would we have the troubles we are seeing in the world today? Would there be murder? Would there be abuse? Would there be rivalry?

    "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear them from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

    Taking into account that God is real and that He does exist, what right do we have to take offense? Who do you think you are that you think you have the right to be so angry and boil over and act so poorly to others? Is it not our call to be loving to one another? Is it not in our best interest to treat others as better than ourselves? Is it not our declaration to speak only what will lift others up, rather than bring them down— because you "feel" offended...? It is not our right to be offended and display such terrible behavior because our "feelings" were hurt. Do you know what feeling are? They're temporary. That's all. I don't feel the same about things and people as I did 6 months ago. Feelings, much like today's sunrise and sunset, come and go.

    Being so easily offended is exalting ourselves above all else. Including God. Does that sting hearing that? It should. And if it does, we've struck a chord and that's good... Now we must get to work on being un-offendable.

    It isn't our job to bring to fruition the things of God in others, the things and virtues He plants within each of us. He is the one to make it grow, He is the gardener.

     "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in my that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful...... I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." John 15:1-2, 5-8

    We have two answers here, One; the Father is the gardener. Two; we are the branches that are to remain in Christ. Apart from Him we can do nothing. We're capable of living lives without Christ but it isn't of any eternal value.
 
    If we are to walk like Jesus every single day and keep our eyes fixed on Him, will we be offended? Will anything unkindly that anyone say or does even matter? You may have that one person at work that rubs you the wrong way. You may have that one person that has an answer for everything that is constantly interrupting you and others. You may have a spouse that storms about the house in a ridiculous display of childish behavior. Or an in-law that gets under your skin. Whatever the case may be, the answer is Jesus.

    Oh, I'm not sitting here telling you it's easy. It's takes an awful lot of yielding and restraint on our part but eventually it will be a success. It's hard not to pipe off at the mouth sometimes, I know. The humbling part about it... It's not our job to tell someone else that they're behaving poorly. I know, I know, but we want to. Somewhere within us, we want to tell them all the things they're said and done wrong but honestly, chances are, they won't listen anyhow.

     If I concern myself with only my walk with Christ (which should be my only end) then I am enabled to pay no mind nor take any offense to what others say and do. In the meantime, in regard to others, we can pray for them.

     "Father God, please tell this guy how much of a jerk he is and get him fired so no one has to deal with him anymore, he really makes my day and life miserable........" No, no, no... tempting but, no.

    Our obedience and change of heart lies within the recognition of grace bestowed upon us. The moment you realized how good God has been to you in spite of your behavior, you experienced His grace. It caused you to understand at least one small facet of His love for you, which is overwhelmingly endless. Pray for others? Pray that they would come to understand God's love for them, that He would lavish that love upon them in a tangible and unmistakable way. As for you dear reader, your involvement, continue to love them as Christ does. It isn't difficult if Jesus is doing it through us, it's a matter of us getting over ourselves, forgiving the offense and continuing to push forward in a loving and Christ like manner. Humility here is the key...

   I write these things not because I have already mastered them myself, it is because it is something God is working in me to accomplish as well. My walk with Jesus is a marathon not a sprint and I'm learning something new every single day. I am often reminded to keep my mouth shut so that I can yield to Him. I am reminded:

    "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

     "But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgement for every empty word that have spoken." Matthew 12:36

    Ask the Holy Spirit to work into you wholesome speech and to only speak things that will lift others up. We as a people need to get over ourselves and our feelings and get back to what is most important and that is God. Paying attention only to our walk with God and not what others are doing or how they've offended us. God is the only One who can change a person and in their own time, not on our time line. It can be discouraging and frustrating to be subject to poor behavior, especially from someone close to you. I know it hurts. But this is the call to pray that much harder and more fervently for them and for your situation. It's also a call to press into God even more. He is the only One who can accomplish anything in this life.

   Much love and blessings to you all.

What good is Truth?

    According to one poll, 83% of American's identify themselves as Christian. While another poll cited that 70% considered themselves Christians, and nearly half shared that they attended church on Sundays.
     Let's take the lower number for this blog, let's stay with the 70% for a moment. Taking into account that 70% of American's consider themselves Christians, is it believable that our country is in the state that it's in?

    According to some data online (search yourself if you'd like) On average, 93 American's are killed with guns in a day. There are 12,000 gun related homicides in a year. In 4 months time, as of this moment right now, there have been 342,135 abortions. (romans322.comdaily-death-rate-statistics.php) I've only taken murder as an example because it is the most extreme form of violence- the taking of someones life, a person who doesn't want to die. Every being, the moment it begins to take a life form, yes, at the moment of conception, that being begins to have a "will." People have been murdered since the beginning of time.

     "Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering— fat potions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked  with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the Lord said to Cain, 'Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.' Now Cain said to his brother Abel, 'Let's go out to the field.' While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him." Genesis 4:3-8 MSG

     Doesn't that just make you sad? More than sad, grieved? God even had a pep talk with him about doing what is right and yet he still carried out his plan to kill his brother. If we as the 70% of Christians in the US, if we were doing what is right, do you think there would be as many murders as there are in our country? We don't have the authority to take another persons life! I know, you're thinking- I've never murdered anyone... Okay, let's move onto something a bit lighter but problematic, because— a sin, is a sin, is a sin.

     I really enjoy reading my Bible, like look forward to it each day. I can't wait to spend time with my Daddy at the end of the day. I love going to sleep with His word on my mind. I tell you what though, it's worthless unless I actually apply it to my life. THIS is where we get these statistics of the 70%-83% of Americans being Christians. This is where the truth come ushering in.

    "Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." James 1:23-24

    "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:22

    Can you imagine looking in the mirror, walking away and forgetting what you just saw? It's as though you never looked in the mirror at all. Or committing to sitting down to watch your favorite movie of all time, spending two hours watching it and not remembering a single thing you just saw. James is a difficult book to read for many, it stings to read such things that remind us how senseless it is to read the Bible and do nothing about it— living as though we've never read a single page. To put it another way, writing on your resume for a job that you know how to tear down the engine of a car and rebuild it. You get hired, based on this admission. Your boss sets you to work, you have an engine to tear down and  rebuild. You haven't the faintest idea how to do it, finally, you admit to him that you read about it once. How much longer will you have that job, if you're not fired on the spot. This is something we can't fail at friends! This is not the time to be hearers and not doers. Our fellow humans need us. They need us to be who we say we are. Have you considered that this is why some folks don't like "us?" Because we're just as nasty as the rest of the world and yet, we claim to be something else? If you're not applying what the Bible says or what you hear at church on Sunday, you're deceived and you're doing nothing more than keeping a seat warm at church.

    "If i could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophesy, and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

   "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

    Love is patient... keeps no record of wrong... never gives up... endures in every circumstance... They're just words if they're not lived out. Do you have any idea how often this scripture is used during wedding vows? But the truth is, the love that is spoken of is to be applied— everywhere and to everyone!

     "A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you live one another." John 13:34-35

    Jesus loved us so much He died and rose again. That's some serious love. I still can't, at times, wrap my head around that one. Not only did He die for me, He died for everyone. We are called to love everyone. "Yeah but this one woman I work with always says horrible things to me." "There's this one girl scout mom who gossips untrue things about me." "This one guy is just a ****."

    I know... It's not easy. And sometimes we just don't want to love but this is where yielding comes in. Yielding to the Jesus within us. He's in there if we have a relationship with Him and if we're in the Word everyday. It's a matter of setting our flesh aside and yielding to His will which loves at all times. Oh my gosh, the blessing! The pure and utter blessing it is to be like Christ and to be Christ to others! Leave people wondering "What is so different about him or her?" Don't you want to be that person? Don't you want to be an individual and not blend in with the pale landscape of the crowd? Oh man, the life! Doing everything as unto the Lord gives so much more meaning to life! Life will never be boring or pointless ever again, I assure you of that.

    We need to stop just being "hearers" and become faith in action. Become love in action. Can you imagine what our country would look like if the 83% that claimed to be Christians behaved like followers of Christ? Or even the 70%? Think about that for a moment. 7 out of 10 people you encountered acted or spoke from a heart full of love. The ripple effect that would occur, if the 3 that are cut from the equation came toe to toe with Christ every single day, being the minority- possibly wondering if possibly the way they're living isn't right. Maybe they don't have to be angry all the time. Maybe they don't have to hate. Maybe they can be kind. Can you imagine the influence for the Kingdom you would have? All for God's glory and how beautiful it is!

    Go and BE Jesus to others. Go out and love. Go out and love on others from the outpouring of Christ's love in your heart. If you're not familiar enough with God's word, don't be afraid to read it. In fact get excited about reading it, it will change you but I guarantee it will change you for the better. It has that effect on us, it's a beautiful thing. All glory and praise to God! All for His glory!

     Be blessed today friends by blessing others.

Today is your day!

       We don't often have "easy" days. You know, the days where you wake up feeling refreshed; eat a great breakfast and break into the day slowly. The day continues on with few bends and certainly no fractures. It's quiet and peaceful, the day tarries on just as planned. And you snuggle into bed peacefully at the end of the day.

     Every night I have a prayer that has been etched into my heart— Wake me if they need me. This morning I awoke to Cookiepants gagging. She's had a rough couple of days, which is a great understatement. Two nights ago, she entering into the worst gagging/choking jag I'd ever seen. She wasn't choking on anything other than what was likely reflux. This has been going on since birth. We've been witness and active participants to this for over 3 years. In truth, we've never gotten used to it, not in full.

    If ever there were a time I wished I could impress my will upon a situation, it would be now. This child has seen every specialist under the sun. She's even had a surgery that was supposed to resolve 80% of the issues surrounding her reflux. We are 4 months beyond from the surgery and some of the issues have gone away but some of the most life threatening ones are still lurking. This child has been prayed over and for by the hundreds. I believe that simple fact is one of the prevailing reasons she's still here with us today.

    What is my will for Cookiepants?
My will is that she would be maximized to the greatest degree with which she can go. My prayer for her is being whole and living a life of fullness. My prayer is that life wouldn't be so bloody painful and such a great struggle for her. That all her tears would be replaced with laughter. Her fear would be replaced with certainty. That she would be able to do and accomplish the same things that we do with ease. I can't possibly explain the ache in my heart for her. I can't paint a picture, exactly of what I see.

    I have however accepted where we are, I just can't allow the hope of something vastly different die.     What do I know?

   "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14  

   "And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus." Ephesians 2:6

    "People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.' And he took the child in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them," Mark 10:13-16

    Cookiepants was knit together by my heavenly Father in my womb. She was wonderfully made. She is seated in the heavenly realms with Christ Jesus- she is already made perfect there! She is dearly loved and blessed by Jesus. Jesus loved children more than we could ever fathom, more than we as imperfect parents, love our children.

    "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11 

    God has a plan for Cookiepants' life! She has a grand purpose here. She is here to take hold of hope and a future. We do not know what those plans are. We just know that we are an integral part of her purpose, she was gifted to us by our heavenly Father. It has been made clear to us that He saw something in us and wanted to bring something to life in us- in order that we would carry out His plan. Amidst the trials, I feel honored. At the end of the day, I can say that I am grateful. We are in a position of utter reliance upon Him because without it, we would fail miserably.

     We are exhausted but He will restore us. Our hearts our broken but He mends them. We don't always have the answers but He knows. He is the answer. I will not give up hope because we have Him. I will not give up because He is my strength. I don't feel alone, though much of the time we are, He is here with us.

    The days are long and bleed one day right into the next, day or night is of no consequence to me. The things that used to entertain me no longer interest me, Jesus has become the answer to every question and the whisper in every lull. I thank you Lord for your presence. I thank you for who you are. I thank you that you're holding onto me, as I'm holding onto Cookiepants. I thank you that you're my strength and my fresh air. I thank you that you are limitless when it feels like the walls are pressing in. Lord you are all. You are holy and good, no matter what— you are never swayed.

    God has a plan for us all, though at time, we don't understand it. And it seems, the moment we think we do understand, the landscape changes. If there is anything I've learned, don't set up camp anywhere unless God has instructed you to. Don't get too comfortable, you're going to be moving on. Earth isn't our final destination, we're merely passing through. Everything is tentative and impermanent here. Be ready. Be prepared to move, to shift yet again into the person who He is molding you to be.

     "Be on the alert. Stand firm in the faith. Be men of courage. Be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13

      "Watch out! Don't let your hearts be dulled by carousing and drunkenness, and by the worries of this life. Don't let that day catch you unaware. like a trap. For that day will come upon everyone living on earth. Keep alert at all times. And pray that you might be strong enough to escape these coming horrors and stand before the Son of Man." Luke 21:34-36

    Not only in our circumstance but in any and all, we must be alert and on the ready to flow into the next position we are called to. I never imagined being where I am today, with the set of circumstances I behold but I am here; I am ready, I am willing. THIS is my life. Not tomorrow or next week. It is right NOW. It may not be what I envisioned but it is the path the loving heavenly Father has me walking along. And I will praise Him in these trials. I will praise Him on the days we have victory. I will praise Him when my heart aches and I will praise Him when my heart is brimming with love and adoration. I must not stop. I must not quit. I must not be deterred. I must not be hindered. I will continue to fix my eyes on the Lord because— He is all. He is the great I am. He knows it all and sees it all and there is something great within my spirit that says to me- "I'm following that Man, He knows what He's doing!" Because the truth is folks, not a one of us knows what we're doing unless God has gifted us with the ability to do any one thing or another. All praise and glory to the Father for that too! Oh He is so good, isn't He?

    Be blessed today friends, be a blessing to others.

    "Today is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24 

When the hand of judgement comes against you...

     I am not speaking in terms of God's judgement here today, I am speaking of your fellow man or woman. One of the easiest things to do is to sit back and watch your fellow man and commentate and judge their every move. We have a natural bent toward doing so. We make assessments everyday. We evaluate. We perceive. And we judge. We assume, too.

    Judging is harmful, not only to the other person but also to us. Judging lumps the other person into a category without a collection of all the facts. Judging others also puts us in great danger of future judgement from God and from others.

    "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:2

     I don't want that coming back at me, if I judged someone harshly- not knowing every scrap of the their lives in order to make an assessment.

     "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Matthew 7:3

     Matthew 7:3 has been one of my favorite scriptures regarding judgement of others, it has been my go-to reminder that none of us are perfect.

     "Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgement on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you— who are you to judge your neighbor?" James 4:11-12

     I think the last scripture just sealed the deal on this one... We have no right. We have no right to make up excuses as to why we think we know better about something or someone. We were not given their life. We were not given their children. We do not have their job. We do not have their spouse. We did not acquire their life experiences.

    Go on then and continue judging, exalting your own authority and knowledge over God. Because I know this is a weak spot for me as a human, I talk to the Holy Spirit about it daily. I ask for the help not to pass judgement on others. It is a conscious effort on my part to receive help in this area. We all need this help. I am grateful for the help, without it, I could be a gossiping, judgement filled person. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that and I certainly wouldn't want to be that "me" come judgement day.

    Being a special needs Mom and having extraordinary responsibilities, I am called to consult God on seemingly ordinary issues. I feel I must in order to make the best possible decisions regarding Cookiepants. I don't follow ordinary medical guidelines. I don't follow ordinary advice. We don't have an ordinary child but an extraordinary one. We don't "do" typical; normal, ordinary, orthodox, status quo, general recommendations. All that got thrown out the window. It hasn't been what is best.

     Because of what we are doing, we have been commended by Cookiepants' doctor's for development and lack of dependence on medications. She has thrived given the environment we have created for her and taking into account the precautions we have followed. God gave us this child because HE KNEW we would be the parents she needed. He knew we would be a couple of boxers in the ring for her. He knew we would fight. He knew we would be hard in the places we need to be and be soft when that was needed too. He knew we would know what was serious and what wasn't. He knew we would take the utmost of care of and for her. We made an agreement the day we brought her home, we agreed that we would fight, knowing that God had the ultimate say. We have had to have utter dependence on God with this child. There has been no other way about it.

    God has fought for us too. He has fought against the nay-sayers. He has fought against those who judge us for doing what we do. He has fought against the enemy in order to give us a safe and spacious home for our family. God has fought because we've sought Him in our circumstances. Our decisions haven't been haphazard or just because we want to be a couple of jerks. There has been a reason for every determination we've come to. It has been from a place of love. It has come from a place of wisdom.

    I have no doubt that we will continue to be came against, but I am confident our God will be in our corner. Everyday is a continual act of surrender to His will and His power in our lives. Moment by moment we give over to Him the things and people in our lives that needs attention. We were confidently given this life; our personalities, our experiences, our children, our jobs by an Almighty God. Therefore the only judgement and scrutiny we will stand under is His. He is worthy. He is praiseworthy. He is mighty. He is amazing! He is all powerful.

    Take heart dear friends when you come under the judgement of others, when God has ordained something in your life, have no fear of the judgement of man. Let it not dictate what you do or how you respond. Being in right standing with God is the only thing that matters.

    Be blessed.

Waking up

     "All who have come before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep have not listened to them. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:8-10

    "Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one who heeds correction gains understanding." Proverbs 15:32

     "They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart." Ephesians 4:18

     "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5

     "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world." 1 John 4:1

     "I have given then your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it." John 17:14-16 


      We are in a time and have been for some time now, that needs your careful and full attention. You are no longer in a comfortable and familiar place. The things that happen around you are no longer acceptable, nor have they been for quite some time now. Every single thought that streams through your mind each day, not everyone of them is your own. If ever there were a time that I needed you to read this until the end, I implore you to do so now. This is important. This is life saving. This is soul saving. You know you have a soul, right? Something so highly coveted by an enemy that wants nothing more than complete and utter destruction of your soul. He will stop at nothing in order for that to happen. But we have weapons; wisdom, the Word and Jesus. All these in combination with one another will keep us from the snares of the enemy that searches endlessly for ways to trap us into his schemes.

    In this world today there is more information available to us than there ever has been. It's remarkable really. I can pop on the internet in a moments notice and find out just about anything I want in a flash. Whether it's song lyrics; what actor was in that one film, when the Eiffel tower was built or what ingredients are needed to make a cake from scratch. It's all there. Everything I could possibly want. It's great but we have a few problems with it.

    There is a lot of information but not enough wisdom. Wisdom comes from only one place, God. It's been a slow process really. One that was designed not to cause alarm and it was successful. Once upon a time when all the televisions were aglow in each home and long before Wi-Fi, Maybe even before the advent of radios, I'm not sure... But people used to read their Bible in order to gain wisdom. Through prayer more wisdom was gained and throughout the daily life those things learned in the Bible and from God we applied and perfected. You lived in a town where you knew the man up the road was great at fixing shoes and the woman down the street baked the best pies. And your husband, well, he was the local doctor. No one had degrees, they just knew how to do what they did- and you know what, they were good at it. God gave them the wisdom to do these things, the gift of doing these things.

    You see, we live in a time now where there is so much information out there but no wisdom. We have adopted the idea also to have institutions that dole out a degree- stating that so in so know how to do such and such and should handily fit into the community serving out their deemed diploma. Head knowledge may enable you to do so but it is wisdom that overrides head knowledge, especially in the face of something that obviously contradicts the head knowledge. We have puffed ourselves up so big that we've made up in our hearts and in our minds that we just don't need God anymore. We've begun to worship ourselves and our ability to retain and recite information. Information- that's all it is. Especially when it contradicts common sense and evidences in the contrary. We are essentially playing God with our lives and the lives of others because we continue to assert our own way.

    Do you see how the enemy has snuck in? His plan to ruin us all and continues to perpetuate because we keep caving in. We call it empowerment but we're not empowered to have "our own way" because it's the enemies way, he's convinced you it's your idea or your plan. Not every thought you have is your own. Do you not see that the enemy whispers in your ear? He has a plan for your life just as well as God does. The enemies plan is destruction. God's plan is to prosper you. Which path will you choose. If you don't believe me when I say this, I pray this message stay somewhere in the back of your mind and comes around back to the forefront of your mind before it's too late.

    World hunger is a most disturbing topic. 21,000 people die a day from hunger. They starved to death. Can you imagine that? They were so deprived for so long that they actually died. "Corn is the primary U.S. feed grain accounting for more than 95% of total feed grain production and use. More than 90 million acres of land are planted to corn, with the majority of the crop grown in the Heartland region. Most of the crop is used as the main energy ingredient in livestock feed." Google search results. 
    World hunger would literally end, yes, end, if there was no longer a desire to eat and consume animal products. Think about that for a bit.

    Our food that we have modified, whether you believe it or not, is killing us. We have altered the structure of plants and their yields. Introducing "non-food" sources to them, making part of them "not food." Our bodies then, don't know how to break down something that isn't food. Not being able to pass it though the body, the body them stores it in the soft tissues. Later, causing various odd and foreign problems and diseases. Do you ever wonder why cancer is on the rise? Or why all these new diseases are coming about? Or why there is a new prescription drug for everything imaginable under the sun? 128,000 people die each year from prescription medications and that number is on the rise, heart disease; 614,348. Cancer; 591,699. We're doing something wrong here friends, something has gone terribly wrong. If we have more "information" than ever, shouldn't we be getting better?

    If we did what we were supposed to do in the first place, we wouldn't have to go this route. We wouldn't have to be pushed to the end of ourselves and our health and our sanity before an alarm goes off.

    There is an almighty God that has an answer for everything under the sun. And He has a Son who died for you. God knows everything! Literally everything. He created everything- He once called everything "good." What we have here now, is not good. It's not even close.

    So all of us with our degree's; head knowledge, experience, opinions and bloated views of ourselves- we need to just stop. Stop what you are doing. Silence what you are thinking. Put your degree aside and consider what is really going on around you! Are you really so certain of what you've learned that you can't manage to humble yourself and consider the possibility that it's a lie and it's meant to perpetuate a machine that you are only a mere cog within? Yes, a cog. A cog in a machine that is far more wicked that you can even begin to imagine! If it doesn't bring healing; wholeness, health, prosperity, love and the grace and beauty of God- that machine you are taking part in is evil. Where ever you spend your money, you are casting a vote. Where ever you go, you are supporting a business what supports...? What do they support?

    There is an all out assault launched against us human. We have to start peering behind the veil and humble ourselves enough to say- "I don't know it all but I know the One who does!" Do you know how many belief systems have come and gone? How many sciences books have been retired due to being proved false?  Feelings change, nothing should be based on feelings. Just think about diets for a moment- how many have there been that were sworn to be the one that would work? They all took your money and went laughing all the way to the bank. We've been given over to traps and schemes. There is only one way to navigate them, God. That is all, just God. There is no magic pill here to dash everything away. It's going to be work but it will be a joyous work. There will be a peace in your heart like no other.

    We must humble ourselves acknowledging that what we see around us isn't right and that we can no longer participate in it. Our very soul hangs in the balance. God has the answers. His Son died to give us life. Ask God for wisdom and He will give freely of it to you.

    I urge you friends to just think about what you're doing... Seek God's wisdom. We need to rise up and fight to put an end to the foolishness and return to a time where everything is simpler. Life has been made far more complicated, unto the point where it is literally out of control. If you can't see that it's out of control, take a look around you. My heart aches as I type these words, we can't continue on this way. Open up the Bible and read God's word, answers are within it's pages. And God is eager to hear from you and to be included in your life. He really does love you, far more than anyone of us could possibly understand.

    Much love and blessings dear friends.

Super-Mom!!!

     I wouldn't dare name myself super-mom, on a "I really mean it" kind of level but some days, super-mom is what the day requires. I was a mom before Cookiepants came into the world but I was a mom of a typical child. One who met developmental milestones at a typical time. One who was able to eat without struggle. One who responded typically with smiles and began to speak. But it wasn't until 3 years ago that I came to grips with what it meant to become an above and beyond mom, almost like a super-mom.

    They say over the span of the first 2 years of a child's life, a parents lose 6 months worth of sleep. Yeah, you read that right, 6 months. I am convinced, it was more with Cookiepants, in fact I know it was more. For the first several month of her life, my husband and I slept in shifts. We were often awoken by an alarm or a raspy terrified cry. It was difficult to reach a place mentally to shut it down and sleep for the night. I woke up every morning and grabbed the largest can of caffeine I could find in the house just so I could begin to think about functioning.

    Any iota of selfishness has been dashed away... If it rears it's ugly head, something that happens throughout the day with expose it and slaughter it. I used to be a selfish person, who wasn't when it was just them and lived alone etc. It was hard not to be selfish. I didn't share my space with anyone. I had a schedule that wasn't rigorous, a schedule I enjoyed. I lavished myself in sleep whenever I wanted and I ate whatever the heck I wanted. I saw no problem with my selfishness, in fact, I embraced it.

    Selfishness can't be found here. Here you are poured out until you have nothing more to give and then you're asked for more. It's become easier though, I must admit. We're not walking zombies anymore. I've actually been able to eat more hot meals in the last few months that I probably did in the first year or so of Cookiepants' life. And we're working on staying on a good sleep schedule. We're challenged on it from time to time but we fight to get it back.

    Because we have one extraordinary child in the house, we're called to be extraordinary parents and people. Which often means- different. We're different. We're not typical people, at least not anymore, whereas we may have been before. But something changed in a deep and immovable way, deep within us. We can't panic in the face of medical emergencies. Worry as we've discovered causes us to lose even more of the sleep that we're missing out on. We have to be flexible. We can't carve out precise schedules anymore. And arrival times have turned into a "suggested arrival time." We can't make solid plans or it's rather difficult to, at least. -Especially during the long-lasting winter around here. We have to arrive anywhere prepared or know where to buy specific things where we're going. We have to be open-minded. Did I mention a wealth of patience? We have to continually choose patience because if we were people with short fuses, we wouldn't survive a day in this house.

   It isn't madness really, it's just different. It's a different way to view life, it's a different way to approach the day, each day. Caring for a medically sensitive child is so different that I almost felt ill-equipped to care for our son when he was born after Cookiepants. But much like riding a bike, I knew what to do.

    I've discovered through this journey that seeking happiness isn't the aim here, it's developing holiness. Becoming more Christ-like. And maybe this was the thing that needed to happen to me in order for me to become more Christ-like. I have peace now, in knowing this was carefully considered for my life, as a person and as a mother. This wasn't some random occurrence. It was determined. I can see, with my limited human eyes the wealth of benefits that I've reaped from this experience and the effect it's had on me. The positives far outweigh the negatives. Even with all the extra "work" and planning. I wouldn't change this. It wasn't a matter of what I gave up to have this life but what I've gained.

    I've gained an amazing perspective on life itself. How fragile it is and how beautiful it is. How fleeting it is. Death still is, as it has always been, strange to me. I live with someone who by most medical standards, shouldn't be here. She is a miracle. I feel especially blessed to have a tiny miracle living under the same roof as me. This life has shaken me out of my need to plan everything single detail. Cookiepants took care of that. No two days are the same, nor will they ever be. It has trained me to trust in the Lord each moment of the day for everything I need so I can care for/do whatever I need to do that day. I've learned to pray and praise often. There is no such thing as praying or praising too often. In fact, there's always room for improvement here.

    Most of all, I've learned to lean heavily on God each day. I don't have a view of what the day will be ahead. I truly don't. I have a picture in my mind how a typical day looks or how it will go. Picture if you will, driving down a road with dense fog. You have your headlights on, you can see possibly 2 feet in front of your car and that is all. You keep driving because you need to get to your destination. I keep going each day because I have to. God has a view of the entire road. God has a view of your entire life. So you keep driving and nearly blindly trusting even though you can't see whats ahead. God has me on this road for a reason, He can see what I cannot. I will trust Him through the fog. I will trust that He will supply my every need. He will continue to equip me to do the things I have to do.

     Any bit of super-mom that I am, I owe all the praise and glory to my Heavenly Father. A God who has carefully equipped me to be the woman and mother than I am. Everyday I learn something new, this is a process that has a set time, a time which I do not know the end. I will keep trusting in Him who does know.

    When you see a super-mom, pray for her... She's walking in a pair of shoes no one can understand unless you've worn those shoes. This road compares to no other, make no assumptions nor judgments. We're doing the best we can.

 Be blessed friends!

   

Time is the most costly of all

     Giving birth to Cookiepants gave birth to a lot of hidden truth in life that I never saw before. It has been an eye opening experience in many ways. I use her birth as a mile marker because so many things changed shortly there after. It was as though we were set aside into a different category of human being. We had distinctly been set apart, there was no mistaking it.

    Unfortunately one of the side effects was the shining of light onto the darker sides of humanity, the side with all the smoke and mirrors and falsehoods. The side that masquerades as kindness and care and an extended hand. But when you actually reach out for that hand, it isn't there and you tumble to the ground, flat on your face.

    Now don't get me wrong, we have seen the kinder, more real and loving side of humanity. It has been captivating, a pure God send to us- along with the people who are on that side. Those who really have our best on their hearts and in their minds. The ones who have said, "I will be there for you," and actually showed up. They know who they are and to them we are eternally grateful.

    Friends are there for each other and the real, get down and dirty ones are there no matter the hour. I used to leave the ringer on my phone on all night in case anyone needed a ride home from the pub late at night. Most of my friends knew they could call me if they needed to. I wasn't just saying it to be nice, I meant it. Life isn't always clean and pretty- you know, that kind of life we all post up all over social media. Then again, we don't want to air our dirty laundry all over the place either. All that mess is reserved for those- get your hands dirty friends.

    But what about those friends that say they'll sift through the mess with you but never show up? Oh dear reader... There have been so many. I used to feel bitter about it. Because I really believed, I truly did. After all we had been through, I wanted to believe that there was still a bright side to humanity and that it was larger than the dark side. From my view— it remains smaller. Now if I were to include God in this estimation, well, that would greatly change that ratio. But I am speaking in terms of mere humans. Humans, who at the time, are delighted to shoulder the load and help. Who at the time, maybe needed a lift themselves, and as it is known, that when you're in need yourself, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to serve others. Maybe it made them feel better to utter their offer for help, not having thought it through fully. Not realizing that the help in question would actually be called upon. I can't be certain, I am unable to judge nor examine the hearts of others. But there are of course a few scriptures that are coming to mind as I'm ticking away at my keyboard.

    "Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give." Proverbs 25:14 ESV

     "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2

     "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

    "or if anyone thoughtlessly takes an oath to do anything, whether good or evil (in any matter one might carelessly swear about) even though they are unaware of it, but then they learn of it and realize their guilt—" Leviticus 5:4

  Colossians 3:13 covers my part in making good with the broken promises and all the false niceties. "If any of you has grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." — Yes, I must. I cannot let the shortcomings and failures of others hinder my walk in life or with the Lord. I found scripture regarding making promises rashly to the Lord but I didn't feel that it applied here. Promises made before the Lord but possibly not directly to Him, as I stated before, I cannot judge man nor his or her heart.

    What has all of this taught me? Honestly... Trust is earned and developed by showing up when you say you will. Don't make promises you can't keep. Even though these realizations hurt at the time they are in fact realized, I still must be committed to searching out the good in others and believing in the good within them. I must forgive, just as the Lord has forgiven me. And lastly, I'm under to obligation to trust these people. I can pray. I can wish them the best. I will certainly forgive. But I haven't found a place yet where Jesus said that we have to continually put ourselves up to be hurt over and over again. Eventually it becomes abuse, especially if it's blatant.

     These experiences have taught me not to make rash promises because I've been the recipient of them. These experiences have taught me not to say- I'll be there, when It's still unlikely that I wouldn't be able to make it. This road I've been walking along has taught me how to say no. It isn't easy saying no but if I can't live up to what I said yes to, what does that say of my trustworthyness and integrity? What does that say about the church as a people? What does that say about Jesus? I don't want others to look at me as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and see someone who doesn't keep their promises. Thus assuming that Jesus won't be there either- which is false! Jesus never ever leaves your side. I do not for a moment want to misrepresent Him. That would cause me a great deal of anguish in my heart that can be completely avoided- by not pretending to be someone I'm not or— not over committing myself. Simply saying no isn't unkind, it's sometimes what we have to do because we can't commit to yes.

    Forgive those who hurt you. You can't stay angry or bitter. It doesn't hurt them, it hurts you. And when it comes to needing help, don't return to the ones who have fallen desperately short of their initial yes, ask God to guide you to some real help. Also, give grace to those who fell short. They are only human after all. God gives us more than enough grace everyday because we fall desperately short of His glory. Forgiveness and grace friends... two of the hardest things to dole out to others but we must live in a place of constant grace giving and issuing forgiveness. After all, our Father in heaven has forgiven us far more than we could ever comprehend.

    Be blessed today friends.

When life causes you to ask: WTF?

     I'm sure you've been there, maybe not a WTF moment but something like it. I know I've had a few of those moments this week... We're in a new home, getting adjusted to our new environment. We're not necessarily a new schedule, although Cookiepants decided it was time to get up and yell about life at 5 am. But there are moments where you think to yourself What the heck?

   I'll begin by saying, I don't understand it either but I know that One that knows everything and somehow, that makes those moments at least a little easier. It's been a long week, a very long week and I'd like nothing more than to sleep for the next week straight. Here I am, it's only Tuesday morning. My weeks don't look like most other people's weeks, weekends don't exist for me. One week literally runs right into the next seamlessly.

   Last week, all week long, I packed up our house. Friday we moved and I've been unpacking and organizing ever since. The house looks pretty good if I might say so myself, it's been worth all the hard work. Although, my husband has played the largest role in making things happen as concerns the heavy lifting.

    I've prayed for sleep, good quality sleep--- just a little, maybe to make up for the lack in sleep I've had for the last 3 years. Last night it was one thing after another, sleep slowly slipping through my fingertips. It's pretty common around here, the lack of sleep. With Cookiepants, you never know when you're going to be woken up and it likely won't be in a pleasant way. This morning was no different.

    When Cookiepants broke her leg, that was a WTF moment. After she had surgery and has continued to get acid reflux and frequently chokes, those are still WTF moments. We work as hard as we can to keep her happy; fed, comfortable and that her needs are beyond met. Still, there is a great amount of discontentment. When we got the news after Cookiepants was born that there was something wrong- there wasn't anything that I/we did wrong to cause this. It's infinitely frustrating when you do everything you're supposed to do and it still doesn't work out right or turn out the way it should have. What are we supposed to do?

   I've seen this meme going around; "When something goes wrong in life, just yell, PLOT TWIST! and move on."
     It's not quite that easy but I think that's the right idea... We can't sit here and think about what we're missing out on or what we gave up or the struggle ahead because if we do, we'll stay in a mindset of lack. We must do away with the negative thinking, immediately.

    If I sat here and thought about the reality of the "fate" laid upon me, I wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the morning, much less, function. Oh yeah, it's that heavy. So, I don't think about it and I give it to God. Today is the day the Lord has made and today is my only focus. I can't focus on anything else. There is nothing but today... So when you have those WTF moments- the big ones, stay present. Fight to stay present because you can't fast forward beyond this moment right now. Stay in the moment that caused you to be so bewildered. Take it in and give it over to God. That's all we can do. We must stay flexible in this life, if we're unable to, we'll never find peace or happiness.

   Our enemy loves to attack us when we're already down or tired or feeling weak. It's his specialty. It's funny, I was going to touch on this subject right here, I took a minute sized break to get my daughter breakfast off the stove... A whole series of events unfolded. As I mentioned earlier, I'm severely under-slept- bring on the attacks, right? I put her oatmeal in the fridge to cool it down faster, I bumped it on something when i went to take it out, it slipped from my hands and fell on the floor shattering. Then the bottom shelf in the fridge fell out, Cookiepant's milk fell out and cracked open, leaking all over the floor too! Wow! In just a moment. I didn't get mad. I made a joke about how we talked about getting a new dish set anyhow. That was a WTF moment- really... Like seriously, in a split second, all that happened. I just have to laugh. What else am I supposed to do?

    But for the bigger moments, give it over to God. Those things that hit us sideways, that take the breath right out of our lungs... Give it to God. You can't control it anyway. It's funny how everyday we fool ourselves into believing that if we do all the right things in all the right ways that everything will turn out right. It just isn't so. This is earth, not heaven. Only in heaven will everything be made right, not here on earth. That's why we yearn for it so deeply, we all know some where deep within us that things just aren't right here. Cancer. Sick babies. Starving people. Crime. Abused animals. Whatever it is that disturbs you, you know it isn't right; it isn't just, it isn't okay... We're in enemy territory, where anything unjust is capable of happening no matter what we do.

    Give it to God and move forward. You'll be a different person, hopefully a better person, not a bitter one. God helps you to not become bitter. Jesus will strengthen you through the days as you work through your struggle. I can personally attest to that. And God is sovereign.

   I hope this helps, in those moments and others. I know we're all going through some sort of a struggle, my struggle doesn't look the same as yours and vice versa. Life is tough but it doesn't have to be as tough as we make it up in our mind. We dwell and beat ourselves up. It's time to just let it go, feel the feelings, yell if you must but let God take it. He's in control anyhow.

    I pray your day is blessed.

   

Moving on

    The last 5 years have been a bit of a whirlwind to say the very least. January marked our 5th winter in this home, being the longest I've lived anywhere since moving out of my parents house on my 18th birthday. So for me, it was a landmark. I suppose you can say I've struggled to make a home anywhere for too long. And because God was the one that set aside this home for us in the first place, staying here this long wasn't a challenge.

   I've spent the last week really digging into packing up the house for our move next week. It's been a bit emotional and definitely a reminder to take things down and dust them off every once in a while- haha! I've been walking around the house for the last couple of weeks trying to decide what can get packed up and what can stay out until the last minute. I've been setting aside things we can pass along, hopefully, to someone who needs the items. Then I began thinking about who we were when we moved in here. Our oldest would have just celebrated her 6th birthday, so that's what? Kindergarten? Wow! She's in 4th grade now. Cookiepants and her little brother weren't on the radar yet. We walked into the house as 3 people and are walking out as 5.

    When we moved in here I was still young in my sobriety, though I already had some time under my belt. My husband was still working at the facility with troubled youth in his chosen social work field. And I, only had one book published- all the way back in 2008! Since being here I've established myself as a stay at home mom and author. An ever crazier fact, every book I've published, I've done so since Cookiepants was born! Imagine that. Being a special needs parent doesn't mean you have less of a life, it just means you work a bit harder for the life you want. It has been worth it!

   Since we've been here I've embraced motherhood more than ever, being that I have 3 children instead of just one. I've learned that I'm able to take care of a special little person with extraordinary medical needs. I've learned more about marriage since I've been living here- that it's more about the other person than it is about you. And that next in line after God is my husband. I've learned what it truly means to feel alone, even when you're surrounded by other people. I've discovered who true friends are and that just because someone is blood related that it doesn't mean they're there for you. I've learned about the social media haze and what it can do to your life and how to break free from it. I've learned to live and let live, let go and let God- even when you're scared. I've learned the biggest risks often yield the greatest rewards, especially when they're taken in obedience to God. I've learned more so that health should be a top priority because if I'm not healthy (physically, mentally, emotionally) I can't take care of others.

    Many tears have been shed here but there has been much laughter too. This is where I've grown the most. This is where I've plummeted to a place I wasn't sure I was going to crawl out of. This is where I leaned on Jesus just to get me through the day. This is where I've seen God's hand in more circumstances than I ever could have imagined. This is where I learned that God really is good. This is where I truly began to see God in everything.

   I'm not sure what the road looks like ahead. I know we'll have struggles in the future because life has a way of throwing a curve ball. But because of everything I've learned while living here, I am confident that no matter what lay ahead God will be there. He already is there and it's going to be okay.

    I pray for more laughter, more adventures and more fun. I pray for more teaching moments, more time with my Savior and seeing the hand of God in everything. I pray for choosing peace even when circumstances are pushing me toward chaos. I pray for thriving friendships, good times and being who God created us to be.

    There will be a moment when the house is empty and I will look around and see the last 5 years pass through my mind. And though the road hasn't been easy, I will smile, look up and say: "Thank you Father for your goodness, you made this place a good home."

   Have a blessed day friends!

Now is not the time

     Now is not the time to take steps away from God. Now is not the time to discredit God. It never has been the time to walk away, it has never been the time to try and prove Him wrong. Unfortunately, a lot of humans to walk away and try to prove Him wrong. Sadly, one day they discover it's too late, when it is too late. But if you're reading this, it isn't too late.

    God had a glorious plan for mankind, for us to be reconciled back to Himself by our own choosing.

    I traveled along a path for the majority of my life doing what I wanted, when I wanted. Though I had most everything I wanted, I still wasn't happy. It wasn't until I realized that it was God who was missing from my life that I knew that's what the longing was all while. I spent money trying to fill the hole, I spent time out with people who likely weren't there for the betterment of my life, that still didn't fill the hole. The person I was when I was alone, was who I really was at that time. Who was I? Was I happy? Was I filled with joy? Was I content? Lost; no, no and no. Those are my answers.

    I got to the point of "what is the point!?" before I realized what I needed. God was wooing me through my miserable circumstances and He used the most unlikely of people- at times. Oh boy, God's patience with me in the beginning... It was sweet and nurturing. It was inspiring and caused my heart to warm towards Him. I began to see God for who He was, rather than the twisted ideology behind Him. His nature was laid out in His word and in His actions in my life.

    God's word is absolute truth. Science is theory. Do you have any idea how many scientific theories have been debunked and rendered obsolete? Me either... I couldn't find an exact number. Although there was one website that sited 104 obsolete theories with subcategories below each. So that may total several thousand, maybe more. What about the big bang theory? A theory, nothing more. The world was once believed to be flat. It was once believed that we couldn't travel to the moon. It was also once believed that we were residing in the only solar system in outer space.

    It was once socially acceptable to smoke in hospitals and on airplanes. Sugar replacements were once touted as being better, now we're coming to find that they cause cancer and a whole list of other problems. Plastic was designed as a convenient product, now it's showing up in the belly's of marine animals and beaching them, eventually killing them.

    It seems that whatever is created with profit in mind rather that God eventually comes tumbling down. If these things become elevated above the mind of God, they will eventually fail. We can't continue to assert ourselves above God and expect to succeed. It just isn't possible, eventually we will fall flat on our faces.

    Do you know how many Bible's have been discredited? Zero.

    There are theories against what the Bible says but if you have Jesus in your heart you already know the Bible is absolute truth. Many people ask, "Where are the evidences of the flood?" "Where is the ark?" Where is the Garden of Eden?" You know what I believe? It's all hidden from our sight. You know why? Because we are called to walk by faith not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)

    So, let me ask you this, do you want to follow after a bunch of people who were once spoon fed; crapped their pants and threw temper tantrums when they were children- just like you did? Or do you want to follow hard after a mighty and all knowing God— whom created everything? A God who isn't given to mood or feelings that change in a moments notice? A God who isn't a respecter of persons? A God who deeply loves and cares for you, even as you've rejected Him? Who then, who will you follow after? Men are proven wrong and eventually die. God on the other hand will never be proven wrong and will never die. God is eternal! And you have an opportunity to spend eternity with Him.

    Just trust. Trust in Him. Trust in His Son Jesus. Walk toward Him, not away. You can't go wrong trusting God, it's a decision you'll never regret.

    Have a blessed week my friends, take those steps toward God.

When winter ends...

    Today is March 13th, 2017. We just turned our clocks forward early Sunday morning and spring is next week. I remember when I was a kid, as soon as the calendar turned to March I would dig out all of my summer clothes. I would put them on believing that if I embraced the spring and summer season, that the weather outside would follow— immediately. Boy was I ever wrong.

     Here I am just a wee bit older, filled with the same empty feeling in my spirit and itching with a similar temptation for an all out protest of winter. What is it about this season of the year that causes such a vast emptiness within me? Is it the cold? The gray overtones and brown undertones outside? The fact that life has appeared to come to a halt yet everything is still in motion? I think it's a combination of all these things. Not to mention the body aches and pains I experience just from the cold.

    When the world looks alive with green and animals scurrying about I can't help but look forward to getting out of bed and embracing the day. It's exciting! Even if I have nothing planned for the day. There is something invigorating about spring and summer, a coming alive of everything! The trees begin budding; the flowers begin the bloom, the birds are singing, there are sweet smells in the air. Spring and summer are all together lovely.

    But what about a different winter in life? The kind that is no respecter of seasons? The winter that is heavy laden with struggles and strife? We've all had them. Our lives getting hit with one snow storm after another until we're nearly buried. There is only one man who can dig us out, Jesus! We've had our share of winter storms, they arrived no matter what season it was outside. Although, they were more tolerable when the weather was warm...

   For me, winter is a winter season all in it's own. I struggle with it deeply. I know that I need Jesus everyday to push me through and give me enough strength to get through the day. Waking up with a headache everyday isn't fun, nor are the golf ball sized knots in my shoulders and neck. All due to the cold weather. After a while it becomes difficult to shine when the weather isn't shining but I still do. I know Jesus is the one that enables me to. If I gave into my flesh everyday would be filled with a dissertation about how miserable winter is and how much I hate it. And I would be the most rotten person to be around. I don't want to be that person, even though somewhere within me I feel that way.

    So, I guess I'm writing this blog to share that even though I am not where I want to be right now, I know there is hope. And I'm not just talking about the mark of spring on the calendar next week. I'm talking about a hope that one day God will open the door for a move to a more appropriate climate for myself and my family.

   I remember the first time I went to the ocean when I was 3, I fell in love with it. The sand between my toes; the smell, the sound of the waves, the utter freedom and wonder. It's still a very clear memory for me. Every time I return I'm reunited with something that has otherwise lain sleeping. There has been nothing else that has compared to it, I am in awe of God's wonders when I stand before His majestic ocean.

    A couple years ago our family took a trip to Myrtle beach, South Carolina. Unbeknownst to me my husband made arrangements for our hotel room. I had no idea what lay behind that hotel room door and as soon as it swung open I was taken aback by the view... My husband bought me the ocean! And of course I cried, I was swept up with emotion by his thoughtfulness and love for me. That was a moment I will never forget. It's a time I dote upon on the cold and wintry days.

    Though half of my life has been spent with a season I have a deep disdain for, I still have hope. I have hope that one day we will live near the ocean. One day the sun will be out everyday. I know that we will not be free from life's troubles but weather of preference certainly does go a long way in my book.

    Here's to an early spring filled with beautiful flowers, bright sun and the joys of life in spite of our circumstances.

   Sending much love from a snowy Wisconsin!

UNDER ATTACK!!!!

     "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat." Luke 22:31
Satan has asked... Yes, asked.

     "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

     In moments of frustration, Satan is fighting hard to steal your joy. In times of trouble, Satan is seeking to destroy your positive attitude. And when there looks to be no end to the misery, Satan is fighting hard to kill your hope.

     Satan has asked to sift you as wheat, not to mention the text above says: all of you. Sift us as wheat; run us through the ringer, drag us through the mud, swing at us in a boxing match... We're in a war. It is a war and it has been cleared by the King of Kings.

     It's not cruel considering God's number one priority is our spiritual development and oneness with Him. This life is temporary. Our troubles are momentary. But while in the midst of them, they're at times overwhelming and consuming.

     Have you ever been under attack in the same way, over and over again? Or have you been under a string of attacks?
     Let me ask you this, how did you react? Did you lose your crap? Scream; yell, shout, throw things, cuss? Or did you just stop in the midst of it, no matter how urgent it seemed and pray instead?

    When you're in school and the teacher gives you a test, there are a series of questions you must fill out to get a passing grade, right? If you don't answer enough of the questions correctly, you're going to fail that test. In combination with all the other failed tests, the end of the year has come and you don't move onto the next grade. You failed to show the teacher that you retained enough information to move onto the next grade. So, next year, you get to go through that same grade all over again.

    How is life any different? How is becoming a well rounded person in Christ any different? Our aim as followers of Jesus Christ is to become more like Him. It's best for us, He set the best possibly example of how a human should conduct themselves here on planet earth. If you don't believe me, read more of His words. He didn't walk around jaded and worn down by the weight of the world. He walked with boldness and certainty. He had a beautiful soul. He loved everyone. He is peace. He is life. That is my aim.

    It hasn't been an easy road being molded to be more like Jesus. I'd be lying if I said it was a walk in the park because it hasn't been. I've cried; I've wept, I've yelled and cussed. But I've also prayed; praised, sang and persevered. My walk hadn't changed one bit until I changed my reaction.

    Yes, I changed my reaction. It is the only thing I have control over in my life- my attitude and how I react. Think about it for a moment, what can you control?
—Nothing.

    When the walls are pressing in and I'm exhausted and just can't do it anymore, I'm changing my reaction. The situation doesn't seem to weighty anymore. It feels more doable. An end appears. I pray. I pray my way through it, as I'm wading through the mud of life. I'm never alone, Jesus is always with me, so why wouldn't I talk to Him. We're going through this together, He is the one who gives me strength.

     Do you have those days where it's just one thing after another? The kids; the coffee maker, the car, the traffic, spilled coffee on your lap, that annoying coworker. Look at your reaction. Don't blame it on the universe being out to get you. This has more to do with you that you realize. And here's a bit to get angry about, Satan is betting against you. Oh he sure is, he wants to see you lose. He wants to see you fall flat on your face so he can come back next week and hit you just as hard for the same stuff. Doesn't that make you angry? He is betting against you and wants you to lose your crap... What are we supposed to do?

    War against him. Change your reaction. He's trying to get your goat, don't let him. Your poor reaction leaves the door cracked open for spiritual attacks.
"In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:26-27

    When faced with adversity, don't react poorly, you look foolish. You're being laughed at by the enemy and his dark followers. How is your poor reaction any different from that of a 3 year old having a temper tantrum? It isn't. We're adults, we're followers of Christ. Let's seek out godly council, pray and react appropriately.

    Jesus is your strength. Jesus will spur you on and give you whatever is necessary to press on. I know like can really stink sometimes but our ridiculous reaction just makes it worse and secures us a spot for continued attacks. The best encouragement I can find to support this; "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7

     An antagonist will eventually give up when they're not getting the reaction they desire from you. Submit yourselves to God! Pray. Trust. Press in. Submit. Resist by not giving in. Say no. Talk to Jesus. Satan will leave you alone. He has to because you closed the door that allowed him in.

    Friends, I know we've all been here. It's part of life. Life wasn't meant to make us happy- although we find happiness while we're here. Life was meant to mold us into the character and nature of Christ. We could have no better role model than He. Praise Him in your trials, press into Him. He defeated death and the devil. We don't know how to navigate through the minefields of life, but He does.

Have a blessed day friends!