I needed a place to go today, not a place to air all my grievances but a place where I could just feel safe to share what is on my heart and on my mind today. Somewhere, someone would understand... So, naturally I turn to the Holy Spirit, who can decipher even my deep signs and groans.
I know I have not written here in a very long time but it has actually been a really difficult year, plagued with many lengthy hospital visits for Cookiepants. She is home, we got home again this past Saturday. We had such high hopes for this last visit, a surgery that in theory would have alleviatedI some of her digestive discomfort. But here we are staring into the face of the same beast that has troubled her since birth, manifesting itself as uncontrollable screaming and punching and being generally inconsolable.
I cry out to the Holy Spirit for His help and His guidance every single day. Whom else should I cry out to but my Father? He is filled with all knowledge and wisdom and is the only one who has what I need. Whether it be comfort or wisdom, He has it. And honestly, I just like spending time with Him. He gets me.
Being a special needs parent has not gotten easier. You just get to a place where you are pushed beyond your, "never will I ever's" and you fix your messy bun, refill your tea mug with the strongest tea you can import and you deal. You stare into the face of all the things you never wanted to do, all of the things no parent ever dreams about doing. In our case, many days have been an especially tailored nightmare. We do our best every single day but some days it just isn't enough.
While we were in the hospital, I prayed and asked God what He wanted me to do. The Holy Spirit whispered, "Sara, you have the ability to bring a bit of heaven with you where ever you go." So I took Him at His word and viewed the hospital as not just somewhere people go to get better (hopefully) but as a Holy Spirit playground. I saw opportunities all over the place to pray for others and lay hands on people in prayer. Back in July when there was the chance that we could have lost Lily, I wasn't going to let her very poor condition stop me from being hopeful for her and for others. I cheered when I saw children going home, knowing my child was going to be there for at least another 10 days. I celebrated the work I saw God doing all over that place. I celebrated when Lily broke through her poor diagnosis and began getting better again. I celebrated when her partial blockage was discovered in her stomach because at least we knew about one more missing piece to the puzzle.
There continues to be so much that we just don't know. This week, in spite of being fed into her intestines, she is still cranky and angry. It would be so easy for me to feel sorry for us and feel defeated but I am just not going to. We have come too far and God has given us too many promises in His Word to neglect even a single one, though things look quite grim today. I don't know what is wrong, I do not know how to fix it but I know that He does.
We are tired. This has been an epic-ally long battle where the fires continue to rage on. I am only one woman but fortunately, I have an entire army standing behind me, because my Father tells me so. No matter how this all shakes out, we will not be defeated, we will not have lost and I will not stop serving my God.
For now, we will hold tight to His promises because they are quite literally all that we have. We have done everything medically that there has been offered to do. Special needs parenting often translates to waiting, a lot. And so we wait. We wait for God to carry out His promises, for the things decreed over our lives to come to fruition, for the prophesies to be made manifest. We await the move of God, because nothing and no one can stop the will of God for our lives, not even the enemy of our souls. God's will is ALWAYS; wholeness, wellness and peace for our body, mind and soul. Nothing less. What I see before me is irrelevant. What God says is what is the truth. That is all I need to know. And that is where I will stay.
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Thursday, October 4, 2018
Monday, April 10, 2017
When the hand of judgement comes against you...
I am not speaking in terms of God's judgement here today, I am speaking of your fellow man or woman. One of the easiest things to do is to sit back and watch your fellow man and commentate and judge their every move. We have a natural bent toward doing so. We make assessments everyday. We evaluate. We perceive. And we judge. We assume, too.
Judging is harmful, not only to the other person but also to us. Judging lumps the other person into a category without a collection of all the facts. Judging others also puts us in great danger of future judgement from God and from others.
"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:2
I don't want that coming back at me, if I judged someone harshly- not knowing every scrap of the their lives in order to make an assessment.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Matthew 7:3
Matthew 7:3 has been one of my favorite scriptures regarding judgement of others, it has been my go-to reminder that none of us are perfect.
"Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgement on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you— who are you to judge your neighbor?" James 4:11-12
I think the last scripture just sealed the deal on this one... We have no right. We have no right to make up excuses as to why we think we know better about something or someone. We were not given their life. We were not given their children. We do not have their job. We do not have their spouse. We did not acquire their life experiences.
Go on then and continue judging, exalting your own authority and knowledge over God. Because I know this is a weak spot for me as a human, I talk to the Holy Spirit about it daily. I ask for the help not to pass judgement on others. It is a conscious effort on my part to receive help in this area. We all need this help. I am grateful for the help, without it, I could be a gossiping, judgement filled person. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that and I certainly wouldn't want to be that "me" come judgement day.
Being a special needs Mom and having extraordinary responsibilities, I am called to consult God on seemingly ordinary issues. I feel I must in order to make the best possible decisions regarding Cookiepants. I don't follow ordinary medical guidelines. I don't follow ordinary advice. We don't have an ordinary child but an extraordinary one. We don't "do" typical; normal, ordinary, orthodox, status quo, general recommendations. All that got thrown out the window. It hasn't been what is best.
Because of what we are doing, we have been commended by Cookiepants' doctor's for development and lack of dependence on medications. She has thrived given the environment we have created for her and taking into account the precautions we have followed. God gave us this child because HE KNEW we would be the parents she needed. He knew we would be a couple of boxers in the ring for her. He knew we would fight. He knew we would be hard in the places we need to be and be soft when that was needed too. He knew we would know what was serious and what wasn't. He knew we would take the utmost of care of and for her. We made an agreement the day we brought her home, we agreed that we would fight, knowing that God had the ultimate say. We have had to have utter dependence on God with this child. There has been no other way about it.
God has fought for us too. He has fought against the nay-sayers. He has fought against those who judge us for doing what we do. He has fought against the enemy in order to give us a safe and spacious home for our family. God has fought because we've sought Him in our circumstances. Our decisions haven't been haphazard or just because we want to be a couple of jerks. There has been a reason for every determination we've come to. It has been from a place of love. It has come from a place of wisdom.
I have no doubt that we will continue to be came against, but I am confident our God will be in our corner. Everyday is a continual act of surrender to His will and His power in our lives. Moment by moment we give over to Him the things and people in our lives that needs attention. We were confidently given this life; our personalities, our experiences, our children, our jobs by an Almighty God. Therefore the only judgement and scrutiny we will stand under is His. He is worthy. He is praiseworthy. He is mighty. He is amazing! He is all powerful.
Take heart dear friends when you come under the judgement of others, when God has ordained something in your life, have no fear of the judgement of man. Let it not dictate what you do or how you respond. Being in right standing with God is the only thing that matters.
Be blessed.
Judging is harmful, not only to the other person but also to us. Judging lumps the other person into a category without a collection of all the facts. Judging others also puts us in great danger of future judgement from God and from others.
"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:2
I don't want that coming back at me, if I judged someone harshly- not knowing every scrap of the their lives in order to make an assessment.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Matthew 7:3
Matthew 7:3 has been one of my favorite scriptures regarding judgement of others, it has been my go-to reminder that none of us are perfect.
"Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgement on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you— who are you to judge your neighbor?" James 4:11-12
I think the last scripture just sealed the deal on this one... We have no right. We have no right to make up excuses as to why we think we know better about something or someone. We were not given their life. We were not given their children. We do not have their job. We do not have their spouse. We did not acquire their life experiences.
Go on then and continue judging, exalting your own authority and knowledge over God. Because I know this is a weak spot for me as a human, I talk to the Holy Spirit about it daily. I ask for the help not to pass judgement on others. It is a conscious effort on my part to receive help in this area. We all need this help. I am grateful for the help, without it, I could be a gossiping, judgement filled person. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that and I certainly wouldn't want to be that "me" come judgement day.
Being a special needs Mom and having extraordinary responsibilities, I am called to consult God on seemingly ordinary issues. I feel I must in order to make the best possible decisions regarding Cookiepants. I don't follow ordinary medical guidelines. I don't follow ordinary advice. We don't have an ordinary child but an extraordinary one. We don't "do" typical; normal, ordinary, orthodox, status quo, general recommendations. All that got thrown out the window. It hasn't been what is best.
Because of what we are doing, we have been commended by Cookiepants' doctor's for development and lack of dependence on medications. She has thrived given the environment we have created for her and taking into account the precautions we have followed. God gave us this child because HE KNEW we would be the parents she needed. He knew we would be a couple of boxers in the ring for her. He knew we would fight. He knew we would be hard in the places we need to be and be soft when that was needed too. He knew we would know what was serious and what wasn't. He knew we would take the utmost of care of and for her. We made an agreement the day we brought her home, we agreed that we would fight, knowing that God had the ultimate say. We have had to have utter dependence on God with this child. There has been no other way about it.
God has fought for us too. He has fought against the nay-sayers. He has fought against those who judge us for doing what we do. He has fought against the enemy in order to give us a safe and spacious home for our family. God has fought because we've sought Him in our circumstances. Our decisions haven't been haphazard or just because we want to be a couple of jerks. There has been a reason for every determination we've come to. It has been from a place of love. It has come from a place of wisdom.
I have no doubt that we will continue to be came against, but I am confident our God will be in our corner. Everyday is a continual act of surrender to His will and His power in our lives. Moment by moment we give over to Him the things and people in our lives that needs attention. We were confidently given this life; our personalities, our experiences, our children, our jobs by an Almighty God. Therefore the only judgement and scrutiny we will stand under is His. He is worthy. He is praiseworthy. He is mighty. He is amazing! He is all powerful.
Take heart dear friends when you come under the judgement of others, when God has ordained something in your life, have no fear of the judgement of man. Let it not dictate what you do or how you respond. Being in right standing with God is the only thing that matters.
Be blessed.
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Now is not the time
Now is not the time to take steps away from God. Now is not the time to discredit God. It never has been the time to walk away, it has never been the time to try and prove Him wrong. Unfortunately, a lot of humans to walk away and try to prove Him wrong. Sadly, one day they discover it's too late, when it is too late. But if you're reading this, it isn't too late.
God had a glorious plan for mankind, for us to be reconciled back to Himself by our own choosing.
I traveled along a path for the majority of my life doing what I wanted, when I wanted. Though I had most everything I wanted, I still wasn't happy. It wasn't until I realized that it was God who was missing from my life that I knew that's what the longing was all while. I spent money trying to fill the hole, I spent time out with people who likely weren't there for the betterment of my life, that still didn't fill the hole. The person I was when I was alone, was who I really was at that time. Who was I? Was I happy? Was I filled with joy? Was I content? Lost; no, no and no. Those are my answers.
I got to the point of "what is the point!?" before I realized what I needed. God was wooing me through my miserable circumstances and He used the most unlikely of people- at times. Oh boy, God's patience with me in the beginning... It was sweet and nurturing. It was inspiring and caused my heart to warm towards Him. I began to see God for who He was, rather than the twisted ideology behind Him. His nature was laid out in His word and in His actions in my life.
God's word is absolute truth. Science is theory. Do you have any idea how many scientific theories have been debunked and rendered obsolete? Me either... I couldn't find an exact number. Although there was one website that sited 104 obsolete theories with subcategories below each. So that may total several thousand, maybe more. What about the big bang theory? A theory, nothing more. The world was once believed to be flat. It was once believed that we couldn't travel to the moon. It was also once believed that we were residing in the only solar system in outer space.
It was once socially acceptable to smoke in hospitals and on airplanes. Sugar replacements were once touted as being better, now we're coming to find that they cause cancer and a whole list of other problems. Plastic was designed as a convenient product, now it's showing up in the belly's of marine animals and beaching them, eventually killing them.
It seems that whatever is created with profit in mind rather that God eventually comes tumbling down. If these things become elevated above the mind of God, they will eventually fail. We can't continue to assert ourselves above God and expect to succeed. It just isn't possible, eventually we will fall flat on our faces.
Do you know how many Bible's have been discredited? Zero.
There are theories against what the Bible says but if you have Jesus in your heart you already know the Bible is absolute truth. Many people ask, "Where are the evidences of the flood?" "Where is the ark?" Where is the Garden of Eden?" You know what I believe? It's all hidden from our sight. You know why? Because we are called to walk by faith not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)
So, let me ask you this, do you want to follow after a bunch of people who were once spoon fed; crapped their pants and threw temper tantrums when they were children- just like you did? Or do you want to follow hard after a mighty and all knowing God— whom created everything? A God who isn't given to mood or feelings that change in a moments notice? A God who isn't a respecter of persons? A God who deeply loves and cares for you, even as you've rejected Him? Who then, who will you follow after? Men are proven wrong and eventually die. God on the other hand will never be proven wrong and will never die. God is eternal! And you have an opportunity to spend eternity with Him.
Just trust. Trust in Him. Trust in His Son Jesus. Walk toward Him, not away. You can't go wrong trusting God, it's a decision you'll never regret.
Have a blessed week my friends, take those steps toward God.
God had a glorious plan for mankind, for us to be reconciled back to Himself by our own choosing.
I traveled along a path for the majority of my life doing what I wanted, when I wanted. Though I had most everything I wanted, I still wasn't happy. It wasn't until I realized that it was God who was missing from my life that I knew that's what the longing was all while. I spent money trying to fill the hole, I spent time out with people who likely weren't there for the betterment of my life, that still didn't fill the hole. The person I was when I was alone, was who I really was at that time. Who was I? Was I happy? Was I filled with joy? Was I content? Lost; no, no and no. Those are my answers.
I got to the point of "what is the point!?" before I realized what I needed. God was wooing me through my miserable circumstances and He used the most unlikely of people- at times. Oh boy, God's patience with me in the beginning... It was sweet and nurturing. It was inspiring and caused my heart to warm towards Him. I began to see God for who He was, rather than the twisted ideology behind Him. His nature was laid out in His word and in His actions in my life.
God's word is absolute truth. Science is theory. Do you have any idea how many scientific theories have been debunked and rendered obsolete? Me either... I couldn't find an exact number. Although there was one website that sited 104 obsolete theories with subcategories below each. So that may total several thousand, maybe more. What about the big bang theory? A theory, nothing more. The world was once believed to be flat. It was once believed that we couldn't travel to the moon. It was also once believed that we were residing in the only solar system in outer space.
It was once socially acceptable to smoke in hospitals and on airplanes. Sugar replacements were once touted as being better, now we're coming to find that they cause cancer and a whole list of other problems. Plastic was designed as a convenient product, now it's showing up in the belly's of marine animals and beaching them, eventually killing them.
It seems that whatever is created with profit in mind rather that God eventually comes tumbling down. If these things become elevated above the mind of God, they will eventually fail. We can't continue to assert ourselves above God and expect to succeed. It just isn't possible, eventually we will fall flat on our faces.
Do you know how many Bible's have been discredited? Zero.
There are theories against what the Bible says but if you have Jesus in your heart you already know the Bible is absolute truth. Many people ask, "Where are the evidences of the flood?" "Where is the ark?" Where is the Garden of Eden?" You know what I believe? It's all hidden from our sight. You know why? Because we are called to walk by faith not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)
So, let me ask you this, do you want to follow after a bunch of people who were once spoon fed; crapped their pants and threw temper tantrums when they were children- just like you did? Or do you want to follow hard after a mighty and all knowing God— whom created everything? A God who isn't given to mood or feelings that change in a moments notice? A God who isn't a respecter of persons? A God who deeply loves and cares for you, even as you've rejected Him? Who then, who will you follow after? Men are proven wrong and eventually die. God on the other hand will never be proven wrong and will never die. God is eternal! And you have an opportunity to spend eternity with Him.
Just trust. Trust in Him. Trust in His Son Jesus. Walk toward Him, not away. You can't go wrong trusting God, it's a decision you'll never regret.
Have a blessed week my friends, take those steps toward God.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Stay at home mom
I am a stay at home Mom. I am also an author. I am also in the process of radically changing my life by living in better obedience to the person God has called me to be. It sounds complicated but it isn't, it's yielding to His will for my life- not fighting for the life I think I should be living.
Oh I still have plans and hopes and dreams, I haven't turned all that in for a life of silence and obscurity. For the past several months, since the writing of: Human, being— I've been living my life more out loud than ever. I'm not going to stop where I am either.
For those of you that follow this blog regularly know that not only am I a stay at home Mom of 3, I am also a special needs Mom. Being a special needs Mom is a tall order, to say the very least. It's a call to be dynamic; on the fly, flexible and thrifty. My husband says, "Special needs means extra pillows and blankets." Ha! It is true, Cookiepants is usually cozied in amidst a pile of pillows and blankets. So, when Cookiepants needs something it usually means- now! I have to be ready around the clock because we never know what the day will hold.
As a stay at home Mom, I am always on the clock. I don't get to punch out and leave my work at work. Work is also home or anywhere else I go. I never thought I would embrace motherhood the way I have and I certainly never thought I would embrace being a special needs Mom the way I have either. I love being a mom, even with all of it's typical challenges and even the other the top challenges. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is who has filled my heart unto over flowing for my children. I know that God has strengthened me each and every single day. I know that the days I confessed to Jesus that I just couldn't do it anymore today, He was the one who sat beside me and took over.
So many nights I've flopped into my bed with the morning light peeking through the window and the alarm was set to go off soon. So many morning fueled by caffeine and a hearty breakfast. It has been this love that my heart is filled with that has spurred me on. The kind of love that only God could fill my heart with, a love that never runs out and only grows.
I think being a stay at home mom may be one of the most under rated "jobs" there is. Sure there are days where I scarcely get housework done but I've taken a new approach there too. But just because it didn't get done doesn't mean I sat on my rump eating fine chocolates and drinking wine while the kids ran a muck. It simply means I was too busy with the kids and it wasn't necessary for me to cause myself to feel overwhelmed. Our enemy wants us to feel overwhelmed but God wants us to have peace in the midst of chaos and busyness. We don't have to get all crazy getting busy around the house. Yes, absolutely take care of your home, you are the steward of your home. But moving about at break neck speeds and completely exhausting yourself isn't the way to go about it.
Take one thing at a time and in stride with the day. If the kids are pretty chill, push to get a bit more done. If they're nuts, you may be best off waiting until nap time or bedtime. I refuse to be that flop into bed mommy at the end of a typical day and I refuse to have guilt about the things I didn't get done either. It's over, the enemy loses. There isn't anywhere in the Bible that says I need to drive myself nuts doing everything just so I can be a good Mom. Read Proverbs 31, it's a lovely depiction of a wife and mother. It's what I strive to be but not by my own doing, by allowing God's work within me to shine through brightly. Not the person I think I should be. Not the Mom I think I should be. Not the Christian I think I should be. Just simply the woman God is molding me into being. And if that woman doesn't look like the woman I thought I ought to be, all the more better because God's choice is far better than I can ever express into words.
Don't be a strung out Mom, allow and make room for the Mom God wants you to be. Allow Him to mold you. Allow Him to have His way. Listen to His promptings, listen to His gentle call. He loves you and knows you better than you know yourself. Oh He is so good, dear friends.
Much love and wishing you a blessed day!
Oh I still have plans and hopes and dreams, I haven't turned all that in for a life of silence and obscurity. For the past several months, since the writing of: Human, being— I've been living my life more out loud than ever. I'm not going to stop where I am either.
For those of you that follow this blog regularly know that not only am I a stay at home Mom of 3, I am also a special needs Mom. Being a special needs Mom is a tall order, to say the very least. It's a call to be dynamic; on the fly, flexible and thrifty. My husband says, "Special needs means extra pillows and blankets." Ha! It is true, Cookiepants is usually cozied in amidst a pile of pillows and blankets. So, when Cookiepants needs something it usually means- now! I have to be ready around the clock because we never know what the day will hold.
As a stay at home Mom, I am always on the clock. I don't get to punch out and leave my work at work. Work is also home or anywhere else I go. I never thought I would embrace motherhood the way I have and I certainly never thought I would embrace being a special needs Mom the way I have either. I love being a mom, even with all of it's typical challenges and even the other the top challenges. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is who has filled my heart unto over flowing for my children. I know that God has strengthened me each and every single day. I know that the days I confessed to Jesus that I just couldn't do it anymore today, He was the one who sat beside me and took over.
So many nights I've flopped into my bed with the morning light peeking through the window and the alarm was set to go off soon. So many morning fueled by caffeine and a hearty breakfast. It has been this love that my heart is filled with that has spurred me on. The kind of love that only God could fill my heart with, a love that never runs out and only grows.
I think being a stay at home mom may be one of the most under rated "jobs" there is. Sure there are days where I scarcely get housework done but I've taken a new approach there too. But just because it didn't get done doesn't mean I sat on my rump eating fine chocolates and drinking wine while the kids ran a muck. It simply means I was too busy with the kids and it wasn't necessary for me to cause myself to feel overwhelmed. Our enemy wants us to feel overwhelmed but God wants us to have peace in the midst of chaos and busyness. We don't have to get all crazy getting busy around the house. Yes, absolutely take care of your home, you are the steward of your home. But moving about at break neck speeds and completely exhausting yourself isn't the way to go about it.
Take one thing at a time and in stride with the day. If the kids are pretty chill, push to get a bit more done. If they're nuts, you may be best off waiting until nap time or bedtime. I refuse to be that flop into bed mommy at the end of a typical day and I refuse to have guilt about the things I didn't get done either. It's over, the enemy loses. There isn't anywhere in the Bible that says I need to drive myself nuts doing everything just so I can be a good Mom. Read Proverbs 31, it's a lovely depiction of a wife and mother. It's what I strive to be but not by my own doing, by allowing God's work within me to shine through brightly. Not the person I think I should be. Not the Mom I think I should be. Not the Christian I think I should be. Just simply the woman God is molding me into being. And if that woman doesn't look like the woman I thought I ought to be, all the more better because God's choice is far better than I can ever express into words.
Don't be a strung out Mom, allow and make room for the Mom God wants you to be. Allow Him to mold you. Allow Him to have His way. Listen to His promptings, listen to His gentle call. He loves you and knows you better than you know yourself. Oh He is so good, dear friends.
Much love and wishing you a blessed day!
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