UNDER ATTACK!!!!

     "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat." Luke 22:31
Satan has asked... Yes, asked.

     "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

     In moments of frustration, Satan is fighting hard to steal your joy. In times of trouble, Satan is seeking to destroy your positive attitude. And when there looks to be no end to the misery, Satan is fighting hard to kill your hope.

     Satan has asked to sift you as wheat, not to mention the text above says: all of you. Sift us as wheat; run us through the ringer, drag us through the mud, swing at us in a boxing match... We're in a war. It is a war and it has been cleared by the King of Kings.

     It's not cruel considering God's number one priority is our spiritual development and oneness with Him. This life is temporary. Our troubles are momentary. But while in the midst of them, they're at times overwhelming and consuming.

     Have you ever been under attack in the same way, over and over again? Or have you been under a string of attacks?
     Let me ask you this, how did you react? Did you lose your crap? Scream; yell, shout, throw things, cuss? Or did you just stop in the midst of it, no matter how urgent it seemed and pray instead?

    When you're in school and the teacher gives you a test, there are a series of questions you must fill out to get a passing grade, right? If you don't answer enough of the questions correctly, you're going to fail that test. In combination with all the other failed tests, the end of the year has come and you don't move onto the next grade. You failed to show the teacher that you retained enough information to move onto the next grade. So, next year, you get to go through that same grade all over again.

    How is life any different? How is becoming a well rounded person in Christ any different? Our aim as followers of Jesus Christ is to become more like Him. It's best for us, He set the best possibly example of how a human should conduct themselves here on planet earth. If you don't believe me, read more of His words. He didn't walk around jaded and worn down by the weight of the world. He walked with boldness and certainty. He had a beautiful soul. He loved everyone. He is peace. He is life. That is my aim.

    It hasn't been an easy road being molded to be more like Jesus. I'd be lying if I said it was a walk in the park because it hasn't been. I've cried; I've wept, I've yelled and cussed. But I've also prayed; praised, sang and persevered. My walk hadn't changed one bit until I changed my reaction.

    Yes, I changed my reaction. It is the only thing I have control over in my life- my attitude and how I react. Think about it for a moment, what can you control?
—Nothing.

    When the walls are pressing in and I'm exhausted and just can't do it anymore, I'm changing my reaction. The situation doesn't seem to weighty anymore. It feels more doable. An end appears. I pray. I pray my way through it, as I'm wading through the mud of life. I'm never alone, Jesus is always with me, so why wouldn't I talk to Him. We're going through this together, He is the one who gives me strength.

     Do you have those days where it's just one thing after another? The kids; the coffee maker, the car, the traffic, spilled coffee on your lap, that annoying coworker. Look at your reaction. Don't blame it on the universe being out to get you. This has more to do with you that you realize. And here's a bit to get angry about, Satan is betting against you. Oh he sure is, he wants to see you lose. He wants to see you fall flat on your face so he can come back next week and hit you just as hard for the same stuff. Doesn't that make you angry? He is betting against you and wants you to lose your crap... What are we supposed to do?

    War against him. Change your reaction. He's trying to get your goat, don't let him. Your poor reaction leaves the door cracked open for spiritual attacks.
"In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:26-27

    When faced with adversity, don't react poorly, you look foolish. You're being laughed at by the enemy and his dark followers. How is your poor reaction any different from that of a 3 year old having a temper tantrum? It isn't. We're adults, we're followers of Christ. Let's seek out godly council, pray and react appropriately.

    Jesus is your strength. Jesus will spur you on and give you whatever is necessary to press on. I know like can really stink sometimes but our ridiculous reaction just makes it worse and secures us a spot for continued attacks. The best encouragement I can find to support this; "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7

     An antagonist will eventually give up when they're not getting the reaction they desire from you. Submit yourselves to God! Pray. Trust. Press in. Submit. Resist by not giving in. Say no. Talk to Jesus. Satan will leave you alone. He has to because you closed the door that allowed him in.

    Friends, I know we've all been here. It's part of life. Life wasn't meant to make us happy- although we find happiness while we're here. Life was meant to mold us into the character and nature of Christ. We could have no better role model than He. Praise Him in your trials, press into Him. He defeated death and the devil. We don't know how to navigate through the minefields of life, but He does.

Have a blessed day friends!

Trust

    It's been a long week and it's only Wednesday... This happens often. It's been a whirlwind few months, this happens often too.
 
      Our trust isn't in ourselves alone because it's fallible. Our strength isn't in ourselves alone because our strength runs out. We don't rely on our own wit or wisdom because we can't see what will happen even 5 minutes from now. I do know Who has an endless supply of strength; wisdom and who is faithful. God!

     God brings us through with each step, His Son never leaves our side. He is the steady hand on my shoulder as I work quickly to bring a fever down. He is the quiet voice amidst the crying, He is the calm in the middle of the storm. He is, I am.

    We've seen Him present in everything over the course of the last several months. From the femur fracture with Cookiepants, to the surgery and it's timing and now this monster cold that has over taken her. We trust in His loving care to cause her to thirst again. We trust in the fellow believers praying on her behalf, that those prayers are affecting her recovery in a positive way. We trust in His leading, knowing what to do with her and when.

    To the world and the worldly mind it sounds like utter madness but it makes perfect sense to us. There is this path we have been traveling along for a few years now that has brought us to this point. To a point of utter reliance and being present. We are here, being who God created us to be, doing or not doing the things He has ordained or asked us to refrain from. That is all. Worry doesn't cloud our thinking nearly as much as it used to. Worry doesn't add to a circumstance, it only takes away your presence of mind. Trying to do everything and all at once- no longer necessary. It never was necessary, we just hadn't understood that yet.

   Though our problems aren't solved and our circumstances haven't changed much- though they've improved slowly, I still have peace today. We don't know what the day will hold, as it is unpredictable every day. There is no general thrumb to pick up on and ride the wave through the day. Floating through the day would take away from the intricate details, the little ones that are the reminders that God is still here and His hands are all over everything. I want to see that, I don't want to bury myself in mock busyness just to take my attention away from my current reality. I don't want to displace the pain because I know it would inevitably revisit me and show up somewhere else. Pain has a way of doing that. So don't avoid it, stare it in the face. Be bold. Be brave because God is right there with you.

    "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do no be afraid." John 14:27

     This is why I trust Him, if He said it, it will be so. Or the peace that surpasses all understanding. He said it, it will be so. I know that I can trust Jesus, trusting Him doesn't make things easier but I know His promises are true. Much of the things that happen, I don't understand but He does. And I trust Him.

    We're still here being who God created us to be, exactly where we are supposed to be. Brighter things are on the horizon, we know this but for now, we trust in His timing and trust His direction.
We used to live within the most common option, which was to trust in ourselves for everything. It didn't work out well and we were exhausted. Trusting in God has alleviated much of the stress and mental and emotional exhaustion. This is where I would rather be, this is where I would rather live my life- over here with God.

     With trust, comes peace. Reach out to the only one that knows, He will never leave you nor forsake you.

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     God bless.

Surrender...

        It's been a tough week, i'm not going to try and hide it. My mind has been running a million miles a minute at times, it's seemed. I try to refocus on the Lord but He seems so far away but really, it's me.
       Lily has been sick all week. We knew something was wrong Sunday night when she refused her milk bottle, something she's never done. She's been knock down drag out sick and still taken milk. We put her to bed that night and even though we didn't say it, we knew we were going to wake up to a sick cookie in the morning.
      It wasn't until afternoon until her fever really reared it's head. I went through the usual routine of stripping her down to just a diaper to try and cool her off. I can't give her tylenol because she will throw medicine back up. It's just what she's always done. So I put peppermint on her feet like usual and hung out on the floor with her. She began to scream and cry, I knew she was miserable. Her temperature spiked up to 103.9, that was in the ear that was facing up. Lord only knows how much hotter the other side would have registered.
     My husband was at work and fortunately our oldest was home, so she helped by getting me a cold washcloth so I could wipe Lily down. I approached her with the thermometer once again and she freaked out, screaming and crying, swatting at it. I'd never seen her so wild eyed, it scared me, if I'm telling the truth here.
     I made her a bottle of cold coconut water, praying she'd drink it and amazingly she did. She drank it faster than I think i'd ever seen her drink a bottle. She was in trouble and I think she knew it too. It was a huge blessing to see her so willing to drink some water, otherwise I don't know what would have happened. I don't want to think about it either.
     My husband was able to get out of work early, given the emergent nature the evening at home had taken. I wasn't able to handle this on my own. Lily needed to get into urgent care immediately and I stayed with the other kids.
    They said it was a double ear infection, which has turned out to not be the case. They did prescribe medicine, we tried giving it to her. She refused it.
    So after a visit to the regular doctor, who is of course, still a specialist, she got an antibiotic shot. It's been 5 days since this whole adventure began and things still aren't back to normal. I'm still trying to convince her to drink her milk. If you know Lily, you know it isn't hard to get her to drink her milk. This has been uncharted territory for us.
    I've broken down into tears several times this week, it's hard to watch your baby go through something and not be able to do a thing about it. She cries and moans and I have no idea why and no clue on how to comfort her other than the usual stuff, like lots of cuddling. But cuddling wasn't enough. She's been in pain and for Lily it must be tremendous because she has an extremely high pain tolerance.
     We have no idea what plagued her and I've been in close contact with her doctor. He tells me to call if she gets worse. I pray I don't have to make that phone call.
     Surrender. Why did I title this post, Surrender. That's where I need to be. That's where I've struggled to be all week. Lily turned 2 this month, an occasion we were never sure we'd see. It was a special birthday celebration! She was surrounded by loved ones and a party atmosphere. It was great. I even gave her a cupcake to smash around and play with, even knowing she can't eat it. But we made it fun. She seemed to enjoy herself.
     I say surrender because I have no control over anything, still. It's been 2 years that Lily has been in our lives and she's no more ours than the day she was born. She's been given to us to care for. It's a hard reality... You spend a lot of time with someone; give birth to them, you begin to think they're yours, not in a ownership sense but you know what I mean. It's a tough reality, really. We're care givers. I'm a care taker for Lily. She is my responsibility. For me, it has been a journey of surrender. I've struggled throughout my whole life with trying to control things, make them happen as I see fit. I believe it's a natural reaction. I've wanted so badly to fix; manipulate, control, tweak, abolish things for Lily. To her benefit, of course. I've never wanted to change her because I know she's perfect just the way she is but I sure wish she was happier; healthier, more comfortable, more content etc... Whatever it is that her little heart desires, I want to give it to her. She has fought long and hard the last two years, I want nothing more than to give her anything her little heart desires... But there seems to be a problem with that idea, I can't. I don't have the ability. I often don't have the ability to fix her ailments. Or stop the crying. Or the pain. I can only seek God and His guidance.
     It's been a continual process for me, this surrender, everyday. And it's a work in progress that I'm just not ashamed of. It's God's continual work in me that makes me better. It's the challenges that we face everyday that stretch me beyond my realm of comfort. (I don't like it) But I know it's making me better, it's strengthening me. It's making me a better wife and mother and over all a better person.
     The days that I am the most tired are the days I'm trying the hardest to fix it all. It is without a doubt my nature to try and fix things. It's deeply ingrained within me, so it's a constant battle. I fall back into old habits some days and work myself into a knot. I get an amnesia of sorts and forget who I am and who my Father is too.
      As I said before, today is day 5 of her still not being herself. She's been fussy and whimpering. It's always concerning when Lily is sick, we never know where it's going to take us. She doesn't get over things like most people do. She gets sick much easier than other people do too. Winters are rough and this Midwestern climate we live in is probably one of the worst for her. The best we can do is be wise in our decisions regarding keeping her healthy and safe. Sometimes things just happen, it always results in flipping our house upside down.
     I am entrusting Lily's health to the great healer of the universe because I can't heal her. She can't tell me what's wrong either but God knows. I will continue to surrender her to God. It's the only thing I can do. I feel honored to have been chosen along with my husband to take care of Lily. It's been a difficult road but a rewarding one. Even on the difficult days as long as I keep my eyes on the Lord and live in a place of surrender everything turns out much better.
    I will say this though, this is not some cookie cutter blog post. I am exhausted. I still get angry. I don't get the chance to eat when I need to and I forget to drink water because I'm trying to stay caffeinated. Some days I want to hide. I'm an imperfect mother on my own but I know God is making me who my husband and kids need me to be... And I can stand on God's work in my heart alone.