If these walls could talk!

    I thought for sure this post was going to happen yesterday but yesterday had other plans. I woke up thinking about what to write about but nothing stood out at me. The days where I wake up with something on my mind and on my heart to write about tend to be the most successful.

    First of all, I just want to thank my faithful readers, it appears that my readership has grown here on this blog. So, I'm excited and grateful for that! So thank you dear reader friends, sign up for email alerts every time I post on here. I try my best not to disappoint and to just keep it real here. I figure so much of the world is a mirage, I feel compelled to speak truth and life. With that being said... Onto today's post.

    Here it is, the day is here— moving day! Am I scared? No. Nervous? A little... I just want everything to go quickly and smoothly. My husband is in charge of orchestrating the moving portion of it, so I have full confidence in him! Originally they forecast rain for today but they've changed it several times. I think they've decided it will rain but not until later today. *sigh* This is Wisconsin after all folks and the weather is never predictable.

   I've been feeling a bit emotional the last few days as I gaze around each room, now packed (as neatly as possible) in boxes. What a wild and crazy almost 5 years here. So much life was lived here- in a relatively short time. There were so many life lessons I learned while living here, mostly hard ones or ones that came at a great cost. There were so many tears here, there was a lot of praying done here, a lot of crying out. But there was also a lot of planning and praising and laughter. There is no real way to condense everything I learned down into one blog post, it would probably be a short novel filled with bullet points. So, I will do my best to pass along the big ones, the real head scratchers.

    Life isn't about stuff or what you accomplish, it's more about who is in your life and how you treat them. This was a difficult and frustrating lesson in some ways. There is nothing like tragedy to separate the real deal from the fakes. The people who are in remain while the "only when the sun is shining" type of people disappear. Wow! This was a real eye opener. This was a hard lesson. But you take a deep breath in, remind yourself that God is sovereign- which means He's sovereign in your relationships too.

     Life isn't about you, it's more about them. Whoever them is, whether it's your spouse, your children or anyone else God has put in your care. It's about them, not you. Sure, take care of yourself too but you're not number one.

   Stop trying to control everything it is a fruitless endeavor. Really, it is. You will be frustrated and far more exhausted that you would be if you just handed it over to God! Just surrender. It will be the wisest decision you've ever made. But what if things don't turn out the way I wanted them to? Or what if it's not what I want. What if I'm not happy? -------Do you hear all the I's in there? Oh yeah, it's not about ME. Forget the "I" and let go and let God! Your life is not your own anymore and God has a plan for your life, find out how you can follow it. Relinquish control, there is freedom to be found there.

    Worrying is stupid. No, really it is. It's so pointless. Do you have any idea how many nights I've been kept awake most of the night with worry? Maybe you've suffered the same self inflicted torture. It was dumb wasn't it? Did it turn out to be the disaster you were picturing in your head? Probably not. Why do we do this to ourselves? It's so stupid. Just stop. Once again, let it go. God is already ahead of you anyway. Let Him handle it.

   Sanctification isn't church attendance. If you go to church and help at the local food shelter and donate to this or that charity- don't be counting yourself as the biggest saint there ever was. And certainly don't be looking at others who don't do those things as sinners. God looks at the heart of a person. We can't go ahead and get caught up in a whole mess of "works" of the flesh and think, I got to church or help this or that person, I'm good... No, we must examine ourselves— daily! Examine ourselves daily before God. Father, please reveal to me anything within me that displeases you or isn't of you. It's a hearty prayer but a good one.

    Life is less about doing and more about being. Oh boy this one really spun my head around once I really sunk my teeth into it and got it. It's life's finest art, it truly is. I will preface this short blurb by saying I wrote an entire book on this subject matter because this has been, for me, the most freeing experience I have ever crossed paths with. The book is called "Human, Being." It has been changing the lives of the people who have been reading it and I feel so honored God set me on the path to such a touching and meaningful writing project. Please check it out, I'll leave the web address at the end of this blog. Okay, being. Yes, just being. Not doing- everything- all the time. That's what we as humans have been conditioned to do, is do everything. We twist; contort, control, bend until we break— literally. Stop! Stop the madness, stop trying to do everything all at once! Slow down. Enjoy life. Take it all in. This is the finest experience of life, just being. Being who God created us to be! Oh this one is so good, so freeing, so life giving.

    Throw away the picture you have in your head because it will become your enemy. That picture you have in your head of how things should be will mock you and cause you more grief than you could ever connect the dots enough to understand. I'm not calling you stupid, what I'm saying is that the small picture we have for our lives has much deeper roots than we realize and the ripple effect is far more reaching than we could ever imagine! I have no idea how many lives I reach and touch through my writing. I don't know until a reader reaches out to me and tells me and even then I still don't know about the many others. The picture you've set in your mind of what life should look like will be your downfall. First of all, God has a grand plan for all of our lives and it's far bigger and more extravagant than we can envision. Secondly, by setting a picture in our minds of precise specifications you are setting limits for yourself when we worship a limitless God. God isn't a genie so I don't think it would be wise to treat Him as such but He is limitless. He hears your prayers dear friend, ask. And my third point here is; by setting preconceived pictures in our mind, when things fall desperately short of those pictures we are infinitely disappointed. Now, if you're willing to go along with God's plan- which you cannot see, you have no expectation other than the fact that God will lead you.

    Different isn't bad. Different is just different. When Cookiepants was born she wasn't what we expected, she came out needing all types of help, serious medical help. She was born different than us. This was difficult to accept, we had no indication while I was pregnant that anything was wrong with her. It didn't matter to us that she wasn't what we expected, we loved her no less and actually, have come to love and cherish her even more than we ever could have imagined. I lead a different kind of life, ranging from my life as a wife and mother and even down to my diet. I handle things differently than most people do. When some panic and worry, I'll pray. When out to eat for a nice meal, some order steak- I'll order just vegetables. I'm quite firm in what I believe, it's taken me my entire life to come to these conclusions and decisions and I've felt as though I've been lead here by the Holy Spirit. It's where I am, this is my life. I've learned not to judge others just because they're different, it's a constant and conscious practice. Every time I encounter someone new or someone I know, conversations are exchanged, opinions are exchanged- there is no room for judgement. From me or from them. It's not my place to judge and their life isn't mine, we haven't walked the same path or come to the same conclusions. One of the greatest mistakes you can make is assume you're being judged by someone with firm beliefs. Just because they believe something in an unshakeable way doesn't mean that they're looking at you, believing you're wrong because you're not living the way they are. Make sense? I'm vegan. When I walk into a restaurant and see meat on everyone's plate I don't think to myself- "look at all these meat eaters, what a bunch of disgusting low life jerks, eating their meat happily." (Really, I don't) What I think about is how I used to eat meat and what it was that I was brought to in my life to make the decision to go vegan. I will never win over a person in the case of veganism by telling them how "wrong" they are and shoving my beliefs and facts down their throat. How many souls have been won over in the case of Christianity like that? By living in this way you're playing the role of judge. So both parties are guilty of passing judgement. Let others live their lives and be different and love them. Sure, share truth with them, whether it's health related, the Gospel or whatever it is, share truth but don't judge and don't try and force your hand. We're called to plant seeds in the lives of others, God takes care of growing those seeds.

    Oh I knew I was going to run into this, it's too hard to pick just a few things to talk about here. If these walls could talk I would need to learn how to type faster so I could take better notes. It really has been a wild and crazy last several years, I can't believe the people who are walking out of this place. Who we've become and the people God is shaping us into being. I am so blessed and feel so honored.

   Just a couple last minute things because it's nearing the hour of commotion... If you feel as though you can't go any further be prepared to go just a little bit further. That's where growth happens and that's where the fruit is. And the things you think that you can't accomplish are the very things you should fight hard to accomplish through prayer and just doing it. Those will be crowning accomplishments! Those will be a part of your testimony of your life. Those will likely be points scored for the Kingdom.

   Well, I think that's it for now. It's bittersweet closing up a last blog post in this home. So much was learned and accomplished here. I hope this has helped at least one person. Keep going, life is turbulent at times and at others times we're on the highest mountain peaks! Hang on, cling to Jesus. He really does know what He's doing and He never does leave. I can say that with certainty. We've endured enough to know He has never left our side and we know He is already awaiting us in our new home. It's so exciting, this new chapter we're embarking on. I have no idea what lay ahead but I know the One who does.

   Much love dear friend, I hope you have an especially blessed day!

We had no idea...

 

      I think back to 3 years ago when I was just a couple months pregnant with Lily... I try to remember the challenges I faced and my attitude and reactions to them. I try to think about what my idea of lost sleep was or what feeling "heart-broken" felt like to me then. I think about these things because I had no idea that I'd be sitting here, having experienced the things I have experienced since then.

   I try to think about the things that used to get under my skin... Uncontrollably screaming children. Grinding teeth. Vomiting. No sleep. Opposition at every corner. Constant mind numbing pain in my back.

   I think by now, you can guess where this is going. I'm there, all these things listed above happen or occur on a daily basis. If you know me, I don't seek pity. I have no interest in it, I write these blogs just to give a glance into the window known as our life. I view the aforementioned irritants as sandpaper to grind away at the things that never should have bothered me. Does that make sense? There are things we let bother us or that we judge but we don't know the back story behind those things. Maybe I made a mistake along the road and judged something or someone and that's why they're my sandpaper now. I don't know and I likely won't find out this side of heaven. All I can do is accept these things and move on.

   I am not the woman I was 3 years ago, there may be a mere scrap of her left. Though I know we have suffered some form of PTSD from all of this, I feel like we're slowly coming out of it. My plan is to emerge from all this trauma stronger than I ever was, more certain of who I am. What matters most, is who I am in Christ and boy have I ever gotten to know that version of me better than ever. Never in my life have I had to depend on God so much, someday's just to get through the day in tact.


    When we think about starting a family or expanding one, we get this cushy feeling. One of love and warmth and completion. I know I did. I still do. (no, we're not expanding the family anymore) When we embark on such a wondrous journey with our husband or wife, the mere thought of it is exciting! It's also scary because it's unknown territory, instead of 2 of us, there will be 3 or 4 or 5, etc. When we embarked on this journey, we had no idea that we would have such a high calling. A calling that only God could see us through.

    I was never much for relying on people or asking for help, I was always a "I'll do it myself" kind of gal. I think or two reasons, one- people fail you and two- pride. I've come to realize that people still fail you but I've also come to realize that there's no room for pride in my life. I don't want anything to do with it, in fact, I pray the Holy Spirt continues to convict me of any pride.

    Never in a million years did I think we'd have an unhealthy baby... Pride. There I stood, spiritually naked, pride-less. And all the things above that used to get under my skin, I was forced to replace with a feeling of love and sympathy.

   There were so many things I didn't understand about life and the people here. There are still so many more things I don't understand and will likely never come into contact with in my lifetime. What I do know is that there were things that I had never experienced or dismissed as irritating that I am now faced with everyday. My heart swells with love for those of us who are on such a complicated journey... We all are really, as no two lives look the same. We're all faced with challenges and complications. But it's all a matter of how we view them. I guess I was just extra stubborn and the only way to change me was to break me. And the only way to get me to seek God or look to Him in every aspect of my life was to bring me to my knees.

    We all bleed and breathe, we all desire love. In my early 20's I was blind to that fact. If you were lousy toward me, expect a double dose back! Now... I believe it's a waste of time and I'd rather just pray for them. For most of us, there are defining moments in life when that light bulb lights up above our heads. There will always be nay-sayers, don't let them stop you if you know it's right. We need to keep pressing on, moving forward, in the right direction. Our attitude defines who we really are! I know my attitude needed some fine tuning, though for now I'm still tired and my body is hurting I certainly feel like I have a greater purpose to my life. I was broken so that God's light can shine through me better. It was painful being stripped spiritually naked but I'm grateful it happened.

    Keep pressing on friends, let your hearts be filled with love for those around you even if they don't treat you well. Pray for them instead. We've all walked a path none of us knows anything about, love on them rather than judge. I share this because I know at points and places in my life, I made these mistakes. Being broken isn't ugly, it's beautiful- God's light can shine through...

   

Just passing through...

     I keep seeing this meme going around- "not my circus, not my monkeys." I didn't really think it was all that funny but rather a reminder about my place here on this planet.

    "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as it's own. As it is, you do not belong to the world but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember what I told you: 'a servant is not greater than his master,' if they persecuted me, they will persecute you also." John 15:18-20

      I wanna pick this apart a little bit, really zoom in there if we can. "If the world hates you," let's start there... Why do they hate you? Are you a jerk or do they hate you because 'you take this Jesus thing too seriously?' Do you not share in all the world views? Do you follow along with Jesus when others think you've completely lost your mind?

    If you're a jerk, knock it off! Life is too short to project your misery onto everyone else. And whether you believe it or not, you'll have to take account for everything you've done. We all will. I know I don't want to stand at the judgement seat of God and have to give account for a bunch of miserable things with no other excuse than my own sad attempt at excusing myself. No excuse holds water as far as God is concerned. But there is one way to get pardoned, Jesus.

    So, you take the "Jesus thing" seriously... Fantastic! Jesus is far more real than your hand in front of you.

   It is an immediate response to retaliate when someone makes an offense against you, right? It crosses our minds even if we don't follow through. Jesus says forgive 70 times 7, essentially He says, keep forgiving and don't keep track.

    "As it is, you do not belong to the world but I have chosen you out of the world."
If you ever feel unspecial or unimportant, you're not. You were chosen, you are dearly loved by the God of the universe. He tells you in the Bible countless times! If you don't believe me, have a look for yourself. He also tells us not to worry about our lives here. I know that sounds hard to do because we do get a bit attached to things and people here but there is something far better than here. It is with Him in heaven. And He can tell you not to worry because He is assured of this place and you can be assured if only you trust and believe.

     "A servant is not greater than his master, if they persecuted me they will persecute you also."
I'd have to say this one is pretty obvious, we're not exempt just as Jesus was not exempt. The Pharisees and other religious leaders of that time were always seeking to kill Him. Jesus was always ducking out of crowds and seeking refuge in quiet far off places any chance He could get. He was in trouble. He was an outlaw for the right reasons.

   Are you an outlaw for the right reasons? Are you sought for advice and help? Is your insight requested?
   
       It's quite alright to stick out in a crowd, Jesus certainly did. It's alright to be an outcast, Jesus was. If you take up your cross daily and follow the Lord and you're met with ridicule by those who are of this world, you're in good company. The Bible tells us in Matthew 7:13-14, "Enter through the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate ans narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few will find it."

    "Few will find it," -Wow, few... You are one of few. Checking google today, there are 7.4 billion people in the world right now. So of those 7.4 billion, few will find the narrow path that leads to life, eternal life, that is. I want to be one of the few. I will follow Jesus even while everyone around me doesn't understand or laughs at me. I will follow Him, He's more real than this temporal place that I live in. He's more real that my "real life problems," He's also bigger than my "real life problems." My problems and troubles pale in comparison to the glory that is coming! Oh what a fine day it will be.

    I had it on my heart to share this message today, someone needed it, including me. It's a message I continually need to be reminded of myself, the world, the life, all seems to huge and so real sometimes. When really, we're only passing through. We've all got a set time here. We've all got a set list of goals to accomplish and lessons to teach others. One day it all will make sense, we're assured of this.