We're still here!

    2016 gave us white knuckles at times, barely holding onto much of anything and certainly not ourselves. Once again it was another year of learning; trial/error, crashing and burning too. It was a year of sitting and watching as those around us were living their lives while it felt like we were living someone else's.

    We watched families lose loved ones and mourned with them. While at the same time we gained an addition to our family and rejoiced in God's goodness. We watched milestones met, with the realization that others were surpassed a long time ago. At times the reality of it was overwhelming and other times we simply celebrated where we are. We are whatever we are, whatever that is. We're here, we're alive and we're still breathing. While there may have been many things that were meant to harm us, with tear stricken faces as times we still praised. God is still good. Even when we haven't understood, God is still good.

    If 2016 taught me anything it was a continue to praise even when I don't feel like it and also not to get comfortable with my plans. There isn't much that happened in 2016 that happened just as we planned. Judah came into the world quietly and gently, healing parts of my ever broken heart. Cookiepants decided that she would hold her own bottle the day we brought her brother home from the hospital. Another thing I learned is that help comes from the most unexpected places and people. And the ones you would believe would be there scatter still. I'm not mad though, it's just life and it's all a part of God's grand plan. I know that He is sovereign over that part of our life too. Sometimes old friends are drawn back together while others drift further away. I've learned not to count on anything but God's hand in this life, who He draws near.

   He has been faithful when I haven't been, He's loved me when I was unlovable. Jesus has been there every step of the way. There were many times I felt alone or overwhelmed, you'll have that with this set of circumstances... I'm still learning that, everyday.

     I've finally come around to the concept of making some plans and having dreams and hopes again. Those things were dashed away a few years ago, all felt lost. I am often reminded, because we're still here that God has a plan for our life. A plan to prosper us and not to harm us. I'm comforted by that. There were times where I just about scoffed at that scripture in my darker moments. But I've learned that even when it's hard to believe, I must believe.

     One thing I must carry into 2017 is the knowledge that plans and dreams are fine and good, they give me something to strive toward. But God ultimately determines where we go and who we're with. We will continue to make plans for the future and pray that they turn out better than we had hoped for. God is capable to knitting things together for our life far grander than anything that we could ever dream up or imagine. Oh how wonderful does that sound!?

     I'm looking forward to 2017 and all that it has to offer, I'm hoping there won't be so many bumps and bruises this year but this is life and those happen. They hurt, often badly... I just have to remember to feel them instead of just tossing those feeling aside. I am only human after all, though most of the time, my obligations should be assigned to someone who is super human. But God takes care of that piece too, filling me with His strength. I know that I can't go a day without Him.

    The end of 2016 felt like a tidal wave of sewing up gaps and it hit pretty hard. The week of Christmas especially. I praised as I held my cat for the last time. I praised as I waited in the waiting room for Cookiepants to get out of surgery. We praised as Cookiepants opened Christmas gifts for the first time ever, as did Judah. It was adorable. It was quiet and it was just the four of us, just as God intended I guess. We sat in our Christmas light lit home, watching old movies, enjoying one another's company and holding each other close. Just as we were supposed to.

    There is nothing else that could have taught us to love one another and appreciate each other the way that we do. Whatever we have been through has gotten us here and whether it was "good or bad" we wouldn't be the same without it. I wouldn't love and admire my husband the way I do today had it not been for everything we've been through together. When Judah calls out for his "mama," it wouldn't sound as sweet as it does had it not been for nonverbal cues from Cookiepants. One day we will appreciate a bigger home that much more, after having lived in a home that we're convinced we've out grown. And winter (don't get me started) I'll soon appreciate the meaning of winter one day when we move somewhere more temperate. It's all there, it's all in the plan. But mostly, I recognize it's not my plan. And I can't look back and state without a doubt that this or that happened because I needed to learn this. But what I do know, I'm just going to trust Him in this new year. I'm going to try and press into Him harder and when I want to throw my hands up in agony and give up- that's when I just need to drop to my knees and pray/praise. Truth be told, I just don't know... I can't see tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to do next week or even what I'm going to eat for lunch tomorrow.

    So here I am. I'm waiting and I'm watching and I'm praying. He see's me. He hears me and He knows. He know's the desires of my heart.

   Thank you to those of you who are still here or who I've had the great pleasure of reconnecting with. And to those who have fallen behind- if you have to think about it, yeah, it's probably you... But to you, we were what we were for a time and that is all. And I'm grateful for what it was because it was all a part of this wonderful web called life.

     2017, here we come!
     God bless.

The slow unraveling of faith...

The slow unraveling of faith…

            I am going to press a spiritual hot button because I think it needs to be done and because I’ve been there. Read on if you’ve got the stomach and heart for it.

            “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

           

        This is what Jesus has told us of this life we live… It sounds to be a bit of an understatement when you pan over the struggles of your life, doesn’t it?  On Earth; in our lifetime, maybe on a daily basis, we experience; loss, sorrow, pain, frustration, hunger, anger, fear, confusion, brutal attack…. The list could go on forever. And I can only speak on behalf of myself here.

           

         Let me set this up by saying that today, when you woke up, you awoke amidst a world- wide battle.( I'm not talking about the horror you see and hear on the news)  The moment you were conceived in your mother’s womb, you entered into enemy territory. Now I know you didn’t ask to be born. None of us did but now that we have options we can make the best decisions possible to thrive and survive. You can choose to either be tossed about by every wave of difficulty or you can be aware of it and fight back!  

           

          You may be reading this thinking I’m crazy but quite frankly, I don’t care if you think I’m nuts… I know that this, is the truth. There is more going on around you than you’re aware of. There is more going on around you than you can see. 

          

         “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle isn’t against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:11-12

            This is a serious warning. Read it again…

When something is bad you warn your family and friends, right? Or if you go to a restaurant and every time you go, you get food poisoning? You would warn those you love, wouldn’t you? Or if someone you knew was going to buy something that was a piece of junk. Or do something that would bring harm to them? You would have the heart to tell them, wouldn’t you? I hope you get my point… I’m not trying to be all doom’s day here. I’m not trying to scare you. But I want to re-direct you back to this warning in the bible.

          

          Jesus warns that we will have trouble in this world. There seems to be no way to avoid it. Things are going to happen, it’s inevitable. But… We can turn to Him in our time of need because He already has overcome the world. What does “overcoming the world mean?”

How many people do you know that died and rose back to life three days later? How many people do you know raised others back to life? How many people do you know that made the blind see again or the paralyzed and crippled walk again?  If we are on enemy lands, and Jesus who once walked this earth, repeatedly healed and made whole the sick and even the dead- in enemy territory, who won the battle? Who won the overall battle?  

“And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.” Colossians 2:15

He accomplished the one thing none of us were capable of doing. Triumphing over the evil forces of this world. The battle has been won. The devil has been defeated. Jesus died for you and for me!

But why don’t we see a victory? Why are all these things still so far from perfect? From peaceful? Far from love? We are still in enemy territory. We’ll get our plane ticket out of here when Jesus returns or when you reach your final destination, hopefully it will be the destination with Christ in heaven.

Two scriptures I read in James I think are best suited for this entry today.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27 (emphasis mine)

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you.” James 4:7-8

I felt led to both of these scriptures to share here because they are a key, I believe. If we are in enemy territory, our earth and we allow ourselves to get so wrapped up in the things around us it does become a poison to us. Also, when tempted to turn to worldly things, we are encouraged to resist them and turn toward God.

I’ve wanted to cave in. I can’t tell you how many times over the last year, especially, that I have wanted to throw in the towel and just check out. I’m not talking about suicide. But if you’ve gone through recovery of any kind, you know what I’m talking about here. It has been tempting to just neglect responsibilities; be wreck less, have a break down or ten, not get out of bed, or give into whatever the devil is pushing you towards. But there has always been a very quiet voice, a gentle push back into the right direction. Encouragement in my spirit that re-directs me back to where I need to be. That re-direction…? Hit the floor. Get down on my knees and pray. That’s always been a good place for me to start when my flesh is feeling anxious and I can’t take the weight of it all anymore. Jesus often went off to secluded places to pray to the Father all the time. He stayed connected to the source. Why do you think we get so distracted? How connected to the source are we?

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” Mark 1:35

Jesus has been the only one in history to have been victorious when He walked this earth. He is the only one who figured out and did navigate His way through this life, the right way. That is the man I want to follow. Those are the footsteps I want to walk in. I know I am greatly opposed because I am in this world. By faith I will walk behind Him because there is no one else who died and three days later arose from the dead and was able to share His story, no one.

A bit more hope and peace of mind:

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

I pray that this entry has served to reignite that fire for recognizing and standing against the dark forces of this world and reminded you to turn back to the only one who knows how to fight against it, our savior, Jesus.

Where I end and where you begin...

                                                Where I end and where you begin

            Marriage… For some that’s almost a loaded word. Unfortunately, marriages have been left open for a lack of respect; infidelity, abuse, or just not realizing and respecting the magnitude with which marriage is to be taken seriously. I can fully understand why the word marriage would be a hit below the belt for some.

           

        Marriage can truly be a beautiful thing. It can be an amazing thing. But no one ever said it was going to be easy. Even Paul warned: “But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.”(1 Corinthians 7:28)  Stern warning, right? Absolutely, even more so if you don’t intend on doing marriage God’s way. Read all of 1 Corinthians 7:28-34. Which leads us to 1 Corinthians 7:35, this is where I want to go with this. “I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

            

        I will write from the view point of a woman, as it is easiest for me. Ha… Let me set this all up by saying I am not a model citizen (you chuckled if you know me). Our marriage is not perfect but I do believe that my husband and I have something of a rare quality. We recognize that we (ourselves) are not number one. First and foremost, is God, secondly, each other. This is the relationship we are called to pour ourselves into. This is the earthly relationship that is to be sacred. There is no man other than my husband. Nor is that concept even a possibility. There are too many options couples unfortunately leave on the table when entering into a marriage. The possibility of leaving or divorce. The twisted ideology that a man is to rule over a woman (in a brute, harmful way). The idea of living completely separate lives. A marriage of convenience. None of this is marriage. Not as it was intended at least. There is a mutual dance that was set afire when God created marriage. It was meant to be beautiful; deep, personal and lifelong.

           

          I have grown very passionate about the subject matter of marriage. It means something completely different to me than it had. I once had a worldly view of marriage too. I am grateful that the Lord opened my eyes to the truth.

            

         Alright, let’s crack open an often twisted and misunderstood scripture about marriage and a wife’s role. I think I’m ready for this…

            “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

Let’s read on: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:22-28 (emphasis mine)

            Alright, let’s look at this in context. This is not sexist, as some may think. I have no problem “submitting” to my husband because he regards me as a part of himself. And-because he follows the Lord’s leading in his life, his intentions aren’t impure nor displeasing. My husband isn’t reckless with our life. Once we said our wedding vows, my life and his life were merged, we became one- just as we are called to in the bible. That a man would leave his parents and join with his wife to become one. We are also called to take care of our bodies because they are God’s temple. (1 cor 3:16, 6:19) Therefore, if we are treating each other as we should and treating our bodies as we should where is the fear coming from? Here is another scripture to set things into place too. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.” Philippians 2:3-4

            Some women would contend that they would have no power or say over anything in their life. I know I used to think that way until I understood the scriptures right. What do you want the power to do anyhow? Ask yourself that if you’re struggling with these scriptures. The only thing you truly have control over is your attitude. If the plans you make for your life as a married couple aren’t a part of God’s plan or will, those plans will be thwarted. “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

            A husband has a tall order and a wife has no small feat either. In this world our natural inclination is to just take care of ourselves and look out for our own interests. It’s like a default setting. A man must love his wife like Christ loved the church (all the people, not the building) Christ died for all His people, the church. That was the ultimate sacrifice. Husbands are being called to love their wives with the same kind of intense resolve. The kind of – I will stop at nothing and do whatever it takes to love my wife. A wife that is dearly loved, adored and cherished is a beautiful thing. That is a means for motivation as well. It motivates a woman to hold up her end of her responsibilities in a marriage.

            Wives are also called to respect their husbands and submit to them. Respect your man for what he does for you. Respect your husband for going to work each day. Respect your husband for all of the little things he does that either you are incapable of doing or just don’t like to do, you know, the manly type stuff. There isn’t much else in this world that makes a man feel like a man when it is evident that he is respected by his wife. Now that, is something to go home to each night! Also, trust in the Lord that the direction your husband wants to take for your home has been well thought out and taken to the Lord in prayer. Both of you should take it to the Lord in prayer. With that as a baseline, both what husband and wife are supposed to be doing, what they are supposed to be to each other and how they are to act- that’s a pretty good start. 

          All too often we take each other for granted, as though they are always going to be there. Now we are called to always be there but that doesn’t mean you should take a person for granted. Love is the staying power. Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all you mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it; love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39

How much more do you suppose we are called to love our spouse if we are asked to also love our neighbor as ourselves? Loving God and doing what is pleasing in His eyes is number one. There is NOTHING that escapes His view. That in itself is a good remedy to keep a clear conscience. We get our love for one another from God. It is because He loved us first that we are capable of loving one another. This is why it is important to maintain an open, devoted and loving relationship with our Father.

            If each of us is doing what we’re supposed to be doing in a marriage we should be good, right? As in, everything is hunky dorey, right? Heck no… not in this world. It’s hard work. But the best work you will ever do! It is a masterpiece worth fighting for. I think that was one of the supporting factors to Paul’s warning. Here is a major factor in why, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). “For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them” (Matthew 18:20). The reason why I led us here is because this is where the trouble comes in. These scriptures in regard to marriage are fighting words for the evil one. These two scriptures are the definition of unity, oneness, closeness. Our enemy doesn’t want anything of the sort for us. If it were solely up to him, married couples would just be feuding all the time. Here’s a couple scriptures to get a good idea of his nature.

 I know I’m jumping around a little bit but stay with me, this is so rich… “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him…..” 1 Peter 5:8-9

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” John 10:10

            

        What can we gather from all of this? First of all, the devil is real. He’s not the red guy with horns and a pitch fork but he is indeed real, the scriptures say so. (Isaiah 14) Second, the greatest lie the devil ever told was that he isn’t real. (some variation of that was in the usual suspects, origin unknown otherwise) So, if there is no enemy to defeat or stand guard against, what threat is there on your life; marriage, or even the well-being of your children? That’s a pretty twisted and cunning lie then, isn’t it? But, if you know the truth you have more than a fighting chance. Without it, you will fall into the worldly thrum of life.

            

       We have to be careful not to fall into the devil’s traps and fall for his disguises. He is the master of deception. It is what he has prided himself upon. The world is filled with temptation. If you seek God and seek godly council you will know the difference between what is pleasing to God and what isn’t. There is a very thick line between right and wrong here.  Keeping God at the center, living right and honoring your marriage vows you will have more hope than most. Not letting go of that first and foremost strand, this is a huge key to it all. Praying together for your lives; marriage and family, the Lord will be present. Recognizing the devil’s ploys to get you both fighting against each other rather than standing in arms together. A marriage united is power! That is one of the reasons why it was meant to be so sacred. Unfortunately, it has been made cheap and disposable by the world. It has been taken too lightly and it has been abused and damaged. I know all too personally, I fell into that worldly trap myself when I was in my mid-twenties. I made my amends to God for my ignorance and disregard for what He had intended. I am very blessed that I was allowed a second chance and have been blessed with a wonderful husband now and a marriage we both take to heart and both fight for.  

             

            In conclusion, if within our marriage, we come to God together- a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken. Your marriage will be stronger with God as the center point. He has the power to change, heal and restore. He has the power to keep you on track in your marriage and keep your intentions pure. Your marriage is greatly opposed by the enemy because it holds a power he doesn’t have. Even with all of your struggles and trials, if at the end of the day both of you can take a quiet few moments and pray together, the Lord will be there with you. And that, is quite the threat to our enemy. Because as you know, the overall battle is won but the daily battles still rage on. One way to knock down those daily battles is to stay united. Stay on the right side of the fence. Know your roll in your marriage, know your boundaries. Your marriage isn’t a place to push on boundary lines. Your marriage is the most important asset you have, next to your relationship with God.  Take the scriptures for what they are, in proper context. Marriage isn’t about power. It’s about unity if you’re living it right together. It is two minds working as one. Two bodies being one. What more a beautiful thing can there be? Go back and read the first pages in genesis about Adam and Eve. Marriage should make more sense. If you’re approaching marriage with the right mind set, there should be no sense of where your husband ends and where you begin.