Where
I end and where you begin
Marriage… For some that’s almost a
loaded word. Unfortunately, marriages have been left open for a lack of
respect; infidelity, abuse, or just not realizing and respecting the magnitude
with which marriage is to be taken seriously. I can fully understand why the
word marriage would be a hit below the belt for some.
Marriage can truly be a beautiful
thing. It can be an amazing thing. But no one ever said it was going to be
easy. Even Paul warned: “But those who marry will face many troubles in this
life, and I want to spare you this.”(1 Corinthians 7:28) Stern warning, right? Absolutely, even more so
if you don’t intend on doing marriage God’s way. Read all of 1 Corinthians
7:28-34. Which leads us to 1 Corinthians 7:35, this is where I want to go with
this. “I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you
live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
I will write from the view point of
a woman, as it is easiest for me. Ha… Let me set this all up by saying I am not
a model citizen (you chuckled if you know me). Our marriage is not perfect but
I do believe that my husband and I have something of a rare quality. We
recognize that we (ourselves) are not number one. First and foremost, is God,
secondly, each other. This is the relationship we are called to pour ourselves
into. This is the earthly relationship that is to be sacred. There is no man
other than my husband. Nor is that concept even a possibility. There are too
many options couples unfortunately leave on the table when entering into a
marriage. The possibility of leaving or divorce. The twisted ideology that a
man is to rule over a woman (in a brute, harmful way). The idea of living
completely separate lives. A marriage of convenience. None of this is marriage.
Not as it was intended at least. There is a mutual dance that was set afire
when God created marriage. It was meant to be beautiful; deep, personal and
lifelong.
I have grown very passionate about
the subject matter of marriage. It means something completely different to me
than it had. I once had a worldly view of marriage too. I am grateful that the
Lord opened my eyes to the truth.
Alright, let’s crack open an often twisted
and misunderstood scripture about marriage and a wife’s role. I think I’m ready
for this…
“Wives, submit to your husbands as
to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of
the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
Let’s read
on: “Husbands, love your wives, just
as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy,
cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to
himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but
holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as
their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:22-28
(emphasis mine)
Alright, let’s look at this in
context. This is not sexist, as some may think. I have no problem “submitting”
to my husband because he regards me as a part of himself. And-because he
follows the Lord’s leading in his life, his intentions aren’t impure nor
displeasing. My husband isn’t reckless with our life. Once we said our wedding
vows, my life and his life were merged, we became one- just as we are called to
in the bible. That a man would leave his parents and join with his wife to become
one. We are also called to take care of our bodies because they are God’s
temple. (1 cor 3:16, 6:19) Therefore, if we are treating each other as we
should and treating our bodies as we should where is the fear coming from? Here
is another scripture to set things into place too. “Do nothing out of selfish
ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than
yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to
the interest of others.” Philippians 2:3-4
Some women would contend that they
would have no power or say over anything in their life. I know I used to think
that way until I understood the scriptures right. What do you want the power to
do anyhow? Ask yourself that if you’re struggling with these scriptures. The
only thing you truly have control over is your attitude. If the plans you make
for your life as a married couple aren’t a part of God’s plan or will, those
plans will be thwarted. “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord
determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
A husband has a tall order and a
wife has no small feat either. In this world our natural inclination is to just
take care of ourselves and look out for our own interests. It’s like a default
setting. A man must love his wife like Christ loved the church (all the people,
not the building) Christ died for all His people, the church. That was the
ultimate sacrifice. Husbands are being called to love their wives with the same
kind of intense resolve. The kind of – I will stop at nothing and do whatever
it takes to love my wife. A wife that is dearly loved, adored and cherished is
a beautiful thing. That is a means for motivation as well. It motivates a woman
to hold up her end of her responsibilities in a marriage.
Wives are also called to respect
their husbands and submit to them. Respect your man for what he does for you.
Respect your husband for going to work each day. Respect your husband for all
of the little things he does that either you are incapable of doing or just
don’t like to do, you know, the manly type stuff. There isn’t much else in this
world that makes a man feel like a man when it is evident that he is respected
by his wife. Now that, is something to go home to each night! Also, trust in
the Lord that the direction your husband wants to take for your home has been
well thought out and taken to the Lord in prayer. Both of you should take it to
the Lord in prayer. With that as a baseline, both what husband and wife are
supposed to be doing, what they are supposed to be to each other and how they
are to act- that’s a pretty good start.
All too often we take each other for
granted, as though they are always going to be there. Now we are called to
always be there but that doesn’t mean you should take a person for granted.
Love is the staying power. Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your
heart and with all your soul and with all you mind. This is the first and
greatest commandment. And the second is like it; love your neighbor as
yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39
How much
more do you suppose we are called to love our spouse if we are asked to also
love our neighbor as ourselves? Loving God and doing what is pleasing in His
eyes is number one. There is NOTHING that escapes His view. That in itself is a
good remedy to keep a clear conscience. We get our love for one another from
God. It is because He loved us first that we are capable of loving one another.
This is why it is important to maintain an open, devoted and loving relationship
with our Father.
If each of us is doing what we’re
supposed to be doing in a marriage we should be good, right? As in, everything
is hunky dorey, right? Heck no… not in this world. It’s hard work. But the best
work you will ever do! It is a masterpiece worth fighting for. I think that was
one of the supporting factors to Paul’s warning. Here is a major factor in why,
“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). “For where
two or three come together in my name, there I am with them” (Matthew 18:20).
The reason why I led us here is because this is where the trouble comes in.
These scriptures in regard to marriage are fighting words for the evil one. These
two scriptures are the definition of unity, oneness, closeness. Our enemy
doesn’t want anything of the sort for us. If it were solely up to him, married
couples would just be feuding all the time. Here’s a couple scriptures to get a
good idea of his nature.
I know I’m jumping
around a little bit but stay with me, this is so rich… “Be self-controlled and
alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for
someone to devour. Resist him…..” 1 Peter 5:8-9
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” John
10:10
What can we gather from all of this?
First of all, the devil is real. He’s not the red guy with horns and a pitch
fork but he is indeed real, the scriptures say so. (Isaiah 14) Second, the
greatest lie the devil ever told was that he isn’t real. (some variation of
that was in the usual suspects, origin unknown otherwise) So, if there is no
enemy to defeat or stand guard against, what threat is there on your life;
marriage, or even the well-being of your children? That’s a pretty twisted and
cunning lie then, isn’t it? But, if you know the truth you have more than a
fighting chance. Without it, you will fall into the worldly thrum of life.
We have to be careful not to fall
into the devil’s traps and fall for his disguises. He is the master of
deception. It is what he has prided himself upon. The world is filled with
temptation. If you seek God and seek godly council you will know the difference
between what is pleasing to God and what isn’t. There is a very thick line
between right and wrong here. Keeping
God at the center, living right and honoring your marriage vows you will have
more hope than most. Not letting go of that first and foremost strand, this is
a huge key to it all. Praying together for your lives; marriage and family, the
Lord will be present. Recognizing the devil’s ploys to get you both fighting
against each other rather than standing in arms together. A marriage united is
power! That is one of the reasons why it was meant to be so sacred. Unfortunately,
it has been made cheap and disposable by the world. It has been taken too
lightly and it has been abused and damaged. I know all too personally, I fell
into that worldly trap myself when I was in my mid-twenties. I made my amends to
God for my ignorance and disregard for what He had intended. I am very blessed
that I was allowed a second chance and have been blessed with a wonderful
husband now and a marriage we both take to heart and both fight for.
In conclusion, if within our
marriage, we come to God together- a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken.
Your marriage will be stronger with God as the center point. He has the power
to change, heal and restore. He has the power to keep you on track in your
marriage and keep your intentions pure. Your marriage is greatly opposed by the
enemy because it holds a power he doesn’t have. Even with all of your struggles
and trials, if at the end of the day both of you can take a quiet few moments
and pray together, the Lord will be there with you. And that, is quite the
threat to our enemy. Because as you know, the overall battle is won but the
daily battles still rage on. One way to knock down those daily battles is to stay
united. Stay on the right side of the fence. Know your roll in your marriage,
know your boundaries. Your marriage isn’t a place to push on boundary lines.
Your marriage is the most important asset you have, next to your relationship
with God. Take the scriptures for what
they are, in proper context. Marriage isn’t about power. It’s about unity if
you’re living it right together. It is two minds working as one. Two bodies
being one. What more a beautiful thing can there be? Go back and read the first
pages in genesis about Adam and Eve. Marriage should make more sense. If you’re
approaching marriage with the right mind set, there should be no sense of where
your husband ends and where you begin.
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