It's been a few days since we got home from our little adventure and if you follow along, you've likely seen some pictures. We left our house Wednesday afternoon without a plan, other than to get in the vicinity of where we needed to be on Thursday night. Most people that I know who have kids go to great lengths to plan out everything for a trip. We did not. It was part of the plan, to not have a plan, just a destination.
We made our way through the most beautiful parts of Wisconsin, the Western side of course. We stopped off for an impromptu visit with my husband's former college buddy in the LaCrosse area. That was a great way to carry on in our trip. I had long joked that these people he had spoke of were a figment of his imagination, so it was nice to finally meet them! This was also an opportunity for Judah to get out and walk around. He couldn't contain his excitement.
The bluffs and the winding roads were beautiful as we drove along, there was always something to look at. Both kids sat quietly in their seats in the back, looking out the window. I did however play the nunu and bottle dropping game with Lily, many many times. Crossing the Mississippi never ceases to amaze me! The sheer size and force of such a river leaves me in awe every time.
We arrived in Burnsville around dinner time, which was perfect because we were so hungry. Another opportunity for Judah to get out and stretch his legs, he stood in line to order our dinner with me. Arriving safely anywhere, to me, is a miracle all in it's own. Traveling along the freeway at 70+ miles per hour. Need I say more? When we arrived at our hotel with food bag in hand (Chipotle) I looked out to see the tall buildings of the city in the distance. I took in a deep breath and smiled, that was where we were headed on a mission tomorrow.
Our hotel room had one king size bed, which was going to be interesting but I knew we would manage. We were just happy to have a place to lay our head for the night and settle in to make it home for the evening. Lily slept like a log, which was unusual, she usually tossed around a lot while sleeping. So I actually woke up several time to place my hand on her to make sure she was still okay. I know, total mom move.
My husband was in charge of figuring the right hotel for the next day, I knew he would get it right. The room wasn't going to be available until 3 pm, so we had some time to kill. So when you're in Minnesota, where else can you go to kill some time other than the Mall of America? Oh my goodness, I had no idea! I felt like I was in candy-land or something! I was nearly moved to tears at the sight of it and we were there together as a family! We don't get out much together between the difficulty of pulling something off and with my husbands work schedule.
Both kids seemed to be just about as excited as I was, in spite of not quite understanding where we were or what we were doing there. As a side note, there was Moose garb everywhere, so I was one happy woman! We made our way to the food area (one of the many) and found another Chipotle. (We lived off of Chipotle for 3 days) We sat down in an area over looking the amusement park area, beside Lego land. While eating, I looked over at the kids, whose faces were fixed on the largest Transformer made from Legos. I just laughed, watching their expressions. At this point my husbands mom arrived to meet us, as she only lived 2 hours north of where we were. It was so good to see her and that she was able to join us. We walked around for a while, I took a lot of pictures and showed some general self restraint in the store that looked to me to be a "Everything has a Moose on it" store but really, it was a Minnesota store. Ha!
It was time to head to our downtown hotel, which just so happened to be right next door to where the conference was being held. That was another God thing. My husband set out on the trolly to get some bottled water. I went outside for a bit, Jake's Mom stayed with the kids. While I was outside, I learned that the main speaker at the conference was also staying in our hotel. It was at this point that I knew God was up to something. What are the chances?
I was ready to go back in but I felt the Spirit tell me, stay a little longer. So, I did. I watched people walk by, living their lives, going where ever it was they were going. About five minutes passed and two men pulled up, rather built men. They were wearing lanyards from the conference, they told the valet guy that they were there to pick someone up. All I could think was- really? Do I get to meet him? It was about 5 minutes later that I felt the Spirit tell me to go back in, even though I dragged my feet a bit, arguing that I hadn't seen him yet, I still obeyed. I rounded the corner to the elevator, lo and behold, there were the men I saw earlier. I struck up a conversation with them, as I usually do with just about anybody. I told them we were in town for the conference and that we had brought our daughter to be prayed over by Todd. I asked if he still does that. They told me if the opportunity presented itself. The elevator dinged and off the elevator strode Todd. I just laughed and said, Hey man, I was just talking about you! He stopped and looked at me and smiled. So, I just said, we'll see you at the conference tonight! He said great, Bless you!
I got in the elevator and shook my head laughing. The irony. I don't believe in coincidences and it was furthermore confirmation that God was indeed up to something big.
I must add this here, the night before we left, the Holy Spirit brought a scripture to my mind. "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory." Ephesians 3:20-21
This was the mindset going into this whole adventure. As Bill Johnson so lovingly puts it, we set out on an adventure seeking God, setting up an "ambush" for Him, anticipating that He would show up where ever we were. And It had already been evident that He was here. I told my mother in law what had just happened and of course, told my husband. I could feel the Spirit stirring within me even more. I couldn't be more excited about this conference!
Soon the time came to head over to the conference. It was loud, Lily hadn't napped, so naturally, she wasn't handling things very well. She eventually completely and utterly had a meltdown. My husband strolled around with her as much as he could. I took her for a turn and rocked her, calming her a bit. I put her back in the stroller, she finally fell asleep. I think we all sighed a breath of relief, as she had been crying and carrying on for sometime. Judah, was mostly happy the entire night, as he usually is.
We got to hear as much of the message as we could. It was a great message as it always is, it's truth and love and conviction all wrapped into one. I love hearing the hard stuff because it pushes me to forfeit another part of me that truly isn't mine to hang onto. I came into following Jesus with little understanding of what was to be achieved in me and through me. But after some time following Him, I've come to adore the pruning and the changes made. At the end of the day, if I'm walking in the Spirit, I have no regrets and my feelings haven't been hurt by anyone because my identity is in Him, not in what someone says about me. That's good stuff, right?
Sadly, Lily woke up screaming. My husband took her back out again, this time back to the hotel. He told me to text him when the healing prayer was to begin. The altar call was made, many many people went up to the front to accept Christ as their Savior. This always overwhelms me with a deep joy in my heart, moves me to tears every time! I text my husband that healing was next. They weren't making their way back just yet. I was standing holding Judah, praying and singing along with the throng of people. I told my mother in law that I hoped he got back over here with Lily soon because this was what we were here for.
Todd began to pray for healing for people, we all shouted out with all our might that these various afflictions be gone in Jesus name. It was beautiful to see and to feel the presence of God so heavily upon the place. Tears streamed down my face from a mixture of joy and sadness as Lily was not there. We sang aloud as a group, I was filled joy once more as I took account of the fact that I was there holding my son at a God filled conference. Feeling overwhelmed with gratitude and joy from God that I was privileged to do something like that. I felt so over joyed to be able to share something like that with my son. Though Lily and my husband weren't there, I felt nothing but love.
A man approached me to pray for my back, as I was sore from holding Judah for quite a while. I asked him to pray with me for Lily too. So he did, he shared a testimony about a little girl being restored from downs syndrome. Of course I cried because I know God still performs miracles. As we prayed together, I wept and claimed everything we prayed about in Jesus name.
I had text my husband that I needed him to come back because Judah was drunk with being tired and needed the stroller. I didn't say much when I saw him, I wasn't mad. I took to heart the things that were prayed for on Lily's behalf, I knew regardless of her presence there, God was working on her behalf. As we walked along, I had a feeling in my spirit I don't believe I had ever felt. I was wrecked, I was absolutely wrecked for God. He did something in my heart during this conference. It's not something I can put my finger on but something had changed yet again within me.
We got up to the hotel room and my husband asked very calmly, do you want to hear my story? He was smiling, I knew that smile.
Yes! Let's hear it.
"So, I made my way back over to the depot to pick you guys up and I took the back way in, as I usually do anywhere. I was there waiting for the elevator and ding, there was Todd with two guys." He smiled.
"Shut up!" I interrupted.
"I told him I was there for prayer for Lily. Todd said, I already know. I asked him if he wanted some background, he said no, that he already knew what she needed. So, he knelt down and prayed for total restoration over her body and something about cerebral. I got her out of the stroller and asked Lily if she wanted to touch Todd's face. Todd said, she already did touch my face. So, I explained to him, that means she loves you. People were beginning to gather around, so I told Todd he'd better get out of there. He gave me a hug and said, I love you man. And told me he would continue to pray for Lily." My husband was still smiling as he recalled his encounter.
"Well, what did you think of all of this? What did you do?" I probed.
"I laughed."
"Laughed?"
"Because God."
I knew what he meant by his statement, "Because God."
So, I thought I was wrecked after the conference, I was completely wrecked now. My husband and I went outside and talked some more, I laughed and sobbed at the same time, thinking about God's goodness and faithfulness. I can't help but well up just typing this for you to read dear friend.
Lily has improved since the encounter. It's all miraculous, whether it's radical or it's minor things. We've seen improvements on her focus, her tracking, her attention and seeing all around more joy in her demeanor. She's had "the gigs" more since we've been home.
My greatest take away from this entire experience, God is faithful but not always in the ways we think He will show up. I think He enjoys breaking us out of the boxes we've placed Him in or the list of ways He works. This testimony is a testament to this statement. God showed up. He gave us the faith to believe He would. Even the faith we have is a gift from Him! Our desire to see our daughter healed and made whole, is also a desire He placed in our hearts. That desire isn't there to tease us, it's there to push up to press into Him even harder for a breakthrough.
I can't exaggerate God's goodness and my mere words can't possibly even touch on the impact of His goodness and love but I try. Lily has two parents who won't quit, God placed that in us. He put that "fight" into us and He placed it in her too. So, friends, take this testimony however you wish to take it. I pray for strength and courage over your lives and your spirits. I pray for a fighting spirit within you. I pray you press into God no matter what the circumstances around you look like. I pray that you rest in His love and are enveloped by His peace. Seek Him, He's the only One that can make sense of this crazy, mixed up, broken down world we live in. Let's seek to expand His rule and His territory on earth. God bless you all.
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Monday, September 18, 2017
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Super-Mom!!!
I wouldn't dare name myself super-mom, on a "I really mean it" kind of level but some days, super-mom is what the day requires. I was a mom before Cookiepants came into the world but I was a mom of a typical child. One who met developmental milestones at a typical time. One who was able to eat without struggle. One who responded typically with smiles and began to speak. But it wasn't until 3 years ago that I came to grips with what it meant to become an above and beyond mom, almost like a super-mom.
They say over the span of the first 2 years of a child's life, a parents lose 6 months worth of sleep. Yeah, you read that right, 6 months. I am convinced, it was more with Cookiepants, in fact I know it was more. For the first several month of her life, my husband and I slept in shifts. We were often awoken by an alarm or a raspy terrified cry. It was difficult to reach a place mentally to shut it down and sleep for the night. I woke up every morning and grabbed the largest can of caffeine I could find in the house just so I could begin to think about functioning.
Any iota of selfishness has been dashed away... If it rears it's ugly head, something that happens throughout the day with expose it and slaughter it. I used to be a selfish person, who wasn't when it was just them and lived alone etc. It was hard not to be selfish. I didn't share my space with anyone. I had a schedule that wasn't rigorous, a schedule I enjoyed. I lavished myself in sleep whenever I wanted and I ate whatever the heck I wanted. I saw no problem with my selfishness, in fact, I embraced it.
Selfishness can't be found here. Here you are poured out until you have nothing more to give and then you're asked for more. It's become easier though, I must admit. We're not walking zombies anymore. I've actually been able to eat more hot meals in the last few months that I probably did in the first year or so of Cookiepants' life. And we're working on staying on a good sleep schedule. We're challenged on it from time to time but we fight to get it back.
Because we have one extraordinary child in the house, we're called to be extraordinary parents and people. Which often means- different. We're different. We're not typical people, at least not anymore, whereas we may have been before. But something changed in a deep and immovable way, deep within us. We can't panic in the face of medical emergencies. Worry as we've discovered causes us to lose even more of the sleep that we're missing out on. We have to be flexible. We can't carve out precise schedules anymore. And arrival times have turned into a "suggested arrival time." We can't make solid plans or it's rather difficult to, at least. -Especially during the long-lasting winter around here. We have to arrive anywhere prepared or know where to buy specific things where we're going. We have to be open-minded. Did I mention a wealth of patience? We have to continually choose patience because if we were people with short fuses, we wouldn't survive a day in this house.
It isn't madness really, it's just different. It's a different way to view life, it's a different way to approach the day, each day. Caring for a medically sensitive child is so different that I almost felt ill-equipped to care for our son when he was born after Cookiepants. But much like riding a bike, I knew what to do.
I've discovered through this journey that seeking happiness isn't the aim here, it's developing holiness. Becoming more Christ-like. And maybe this was the thing that needed to happen to me in order for me to become more Christ-like. I have peace now, in knowing this was carefully considered for my life, as a person and as a mother. This wasn't some random occurrence. It was determined. I can see, with my limited human eyes the wealth of benefits that I've reaped from this experience and the effect it's had on me. The positives far outweigh the negatives. Even with all the extra "work" and planning. I wouldn't change this. It wasn't a matter of what I gave up to have this life but what I've gained.
I've gained an amazing perspective on life itself. How fragile it is and how beautiful it is. How fleeting it is. Death still is, as it has always been, strange to me. I live with someone who by most medical standards, shouldn't be here. She is a miracle. I feel especially blessed to have a tiny miracle living under the same roof as me. This life has shaken me out of my need to plan everything single detail. Cookiepants took care of that. No two days are the same, nor will they ever be. It has trained me to trust in the Lord each moment of the day for everything I need so I can care for/do whatever I need to do that day. I've learned to pray and praise often. There is no such thing as praying or praising too often. In fact, there's always room for improvement here.
Most of all, I've learned to lean heavily on God each day. I don't have a view of what the day will be ahead. I truly don't. I have a picture in my mind how a typical day looks or how it will go. Picture if you will, driving down a road with dense fog. You have your headlights on, you can see possibly 2 feet in front of your car and that is all. You keep driving because you need to get to your destination. I keep going each day because I have to. God has a view of the entire road. God has a view of your entire life. So you keep driving and nearly blindly trusting even though you can't see whats ahead. God has me on this road for a reason, He can see what I cannot. I will trust Him through the fog. I will trust that He will supply my every need. He will continue to equip me to do the things I have to do.
Any bit of super-mom that I am, I owe all the praise and glory to my Heavenly Father. A God who has carefully equipped me to be the woman and mother than I am. Everyday I learn something new, this is a process that has a set time, a time which I do not know the end. I will keep trusting in Him who does know.
When you see a super-mom, pray for her... She's walking in a pair of shoes no one can understand unless you've worn those shoes. This road compares to no other, make no assumptions nor judgments. We're doing the best we can.
Be blessed friends!
They say over the span of the first 2 years of a child's life, a parents lose 6 months worth of sleep. Yeah, you read that right, 6 months. I am convinced, it was more with Cookiepants, in fact I know it was more. For the first several month of her life, my husband and I slept in shifts. We were often awoken by an alarm or a raspy terrified cry. It was difficult to reach a place mentally to shut it down and sleep for the night. I woke up every morning and grabbed the largest can of caffeine I could find in the house just so I could begin to think about functioning.
Any iota of selfishness has been dashed away... If it rears it's ugly head, something that happens throughout the day with expose it and slaughter it. I used to be a selfish person, who wasn't when it was just them and lived alone etc. It was hard not to be selfish. I didn't share my space with anyone. I had a schedule that wasn't rigorous, a schedule I enjoyed. I lavished myself in sleep whenever I wanted and I ate whatever the heck I wanted. I saw no problem with my selfishness, in fact, I embraced it.
Selfishness can't be found here. Here you are poured out until you have nothing more to give and then you're asked for more. It's become easier though, I must admit. We're not walking zombies anymore. I've actually been able to eat more hot meals in the last few months that I probably did in the first year or so of Cookiepants' life. And we're working on staying on a good sleep schedule. We're challenged on it from time to time but we fight to get it back.
Because we have one extraordinary child in the house, we're called to be extraordinary parents and people. Which often means- different. We're different. We're not typical people, at least not anymore, whereas we may have been before. But something changed in a deep and immovable way, deep within us. We can't panic in the face of medical emergencies. Worry as we've discovered causes us to lose even more of the sleep that we're missing out on. We have to be flexible. We can't carve out precise schedules anymore. And arrival times have turned into a "suggested arrival time." We can't make solid plans or it's rather difficult to, at least. -Especially during the long-lasting winter around here. We have to arrive anywhere prepared or know where to buy specific things where we're going. We have to be open-minded. Did I mention a wealth of patience? We have to continually choose patience because if we were people with short fuses, we wouldn't survive a day in this house.
It isn't madness really, it's just different. It's a different way to view life, it's a different way to approach the day, each day. Caring for a medically sensitive child is so different that I almost felt ill-equipped to care for our son when he was born after Cookiepants. But much like riding a bike, I knew what to do.
I've discovered through this journey that seeking happiness isn't the aim here, it's developing holiness. Becoming more Christ-like. And maybe this was the thing that needed to happen to me in order for me to become more Christ-like. I have peace now, in knowing this was carefully considered for my life, as a person and as a mother. This wasn't some random occurrence. It was determined. I can see, with my limited human eyes the wealth of benefits that I've reaped from this experience and the effect it's had on me. The positives far outweigh the negatives. Even with all the extra "work" and planning. I wouldn't change this. It wasn't a matter of what I gave up to have this life but what I've gained.
I've gained an amazing perspective on life itself. How fragile it is and how beautiful it is. How fleeting it is. Death still is, as it has always been, strange to me. I live with someone who by most medical standards, shouldn't be here. She is a miracle. I feel especially blessed to have a tiny miracle living under the same roof as me. This life has shaken me out of my need to plan everything single detail. Cookiepants took care of that. No two days are the same, nor will they ever be. It has trained me to trust in the Lord each moment of the day for everything I need so I can care for/do whatever I need to do that day. I've learned to pray and praise often. There is no such thing as praying or praising too often. In fact, there's always room for improvement here.
Most of all, I've learned to lean heavily on God each day. I don't have a view of what the day will be ahead. I truly don't. I have a picture in my mind how a typical day looks or how it will go. Picture if you will, driving down a road with dense fog. You have your headlights on, you can see possibly 2 feet in front of your car and that is all. You keep driving because you need to get to your destination. I keep going each day because I have to. God has a view of the entire road. God has a view of your entire life. So you keep driving and nearly blindly trusting even though you can't see whats ahead. God has me on this road for a reason, He can see what I cannot. I will trust Him through the fog. I will trust that He will supply my every need. He will continue to equip me to do the things I have to do.
Any bit of super-mom that I am, I owe all the praise and glory to my Heavenly Father. A God who has carefully equipped me to be the woman and mother than I am. Everyday I learn something new, this is a process that has a set time, a time which I do not know the end. I will keep trusting in Him who does know.
When you see a super-mom, pray for her... She's walking in a pair of shoes no one can understand unless you've worn those shoes. This road compares to no other, make no assumptions nor judgments. We're doing the best we can.
Be blessed friends!
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
Time is the most costly of all
Giving birth to Cookiepants gave birth to a lot of hidden truth in life that I never saw before. It has been an eye opening experience in many ways. I use her birth as a mile marker because so many things changed shortly there after. It was as though we were set aside into a different category of human being. We had distinctly been set apart, there was no mistaking it.
Unfortunately one of the side effects was the shining of light onto the darker sides of humanity, the side with all the smoke and mirrors and falsehoods. The side that masquerades as kindness and care and an extended hand. But when you actually reach out for that hand, it isn't there and you tumble to the ground, flat on your face.
Now don't get me wrong, we have seen the kinder, more real and loving side of humanity. It has been captivating, a pure God send to us- along with the people who are on that side. Those who really have our best on their hearts and in their minds. The ones who have said, "I will be there for you," and actually showed up. They know who they are and to them we are eternally grateful.
Friends are there for each other and the real, get down and dirty ones are there no matter the hour. I used to leave the ringer on my phone on all night in case anyone needed a ride home from the pub late at night. Most of my friends knew they could call me if they needed to. I wasn't just saying it to be nice, I meant it. Life isn't always clean and pretty- you know, that kind of life we all post up all over social media. Then again, we don't want to air our dirty laundry all over the place either. All that mess is reserved for those- get your hands dirty friends.
But what about those friends that say they'll sift through the mess with you but never show up? Oh dear reader... There have been so many. I used to feel bitter about it. Because I really believed, I truly did. After all we had been through, I wanted to believe that there was still a bright side to humanity and that it was larger than the dark side. From my view— it remains smaller. Now if I were to include God in this estimation, well, that would greatly change that ratio. But I am speaking in terms of mere humans. Humans, who at the time, are delighted to shoulder the load and help. Who at the time, maybe needed a lift themselves, and as it is known, that when you're in need yourself, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to serve others. Maybe it made them feel better to utter their offer for help, not having thought it through fully. Not realizing that the help in question would actually be called upon. I can't be certain, I am unable to judge nor examine the hearts of others. But there are of course a few scriptures that are coming to mind as I'm ticking away at my keyboard.
"Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give." Proverbs 25:14 ESV
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13
"or if anyone thoughtlessly takes an oath to do anything, whether good or evil (in any matter one might carelessly swear about) even though they are unaware of it, but then they learn of it and realize their guilt—" Leviticus 5:4
Colossians 3:13 covers my part in making good with the broken promises and all the false niceties. "If any of you has grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." — Yes, I must. I cannot let the shortcomings and failures of others hinder my walk in life or with the Lord. I found scripture regarding making promises rashly to the Lord but I didn't feel that it applied here. Promises made before the Lord but possibly not directly to Him, as I stated before, I cannot judge man nor his or her heart.
What has all of this taught me? Honestly... Trust is earned and developed by showing up when you say you will. Don't make promises you can't keep. Even though these realizations hurt at the time they are in fact realized, I still must be committed to searching out the good in others and believing in the good within them. I must forgive, just as the Lord has forgiven me. And lastly, I'm under to obligation to trust these people. I can pray. I can wish them the best. I will certainly forgive. But I haven't found a place yet where Jesus said that we have to continually put ourselves up to be hurt over and over again. Eventually it becomes abuse, especially if it's blatant.
These experiences have taught me not to make rash promises because I've been the recipient of them. These experiences have taught me not to say- I'll be there, when It's still unlikely that I wouldn't be able to make it. This road I've been walking along has taught me how to say no. It isn't easy saying no but if I can't live up to what I said yes to, what does that say of my trustworthyness and integrity? What does that say about the church as a people? What does that say about Jesus? I don't want others to look at me as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and see someone who doesn't keep their promises. Thus assuming that Jesus won't be there either- which is false! Jesus never ever leaves your side. I do not for a moment want to misrepresent Him. That would cause me a great deal of anguish in my heart that can be completely avoided- by not pretending to be someone I'm not or— not over committing myself. Simply saying no isn't unkind, it's sometimes what we have to do because we can't commit to yes.
Forgive those who hurt you. You can't stay angry or bitter. It doesn't hurt them, it hurts you. And when it comes to needing help, don't return to the ones who have fallen desperately short of their initial yes, ask God to guide you to some real help. Also, give grace to those who fell short. They are only human after all. God gives us more than enough grace everyday because we fall desperately short of His glory. Forgiveness and grace friends... two of the hardest things to dole out to others but we must live in a place of constant grace giving and issuing forgiveness. After all, our Father in heaven has forgiven us far more than we could ever comprehend.
Be blessed today friends.
Unfortunately one of the side effects was the shining of light onto the darker sides of humanity, the side with all the smoke and mirrors and falsehoods. The side that masquerades as kindness and care and an extended hand. But when you actually reach out for that hand, it isn't there and you tumble to the ground, flat on your face.
Now don't get me wrong, we have seen the kinder, more real and loving side of humanity. It has been captivating, a pure God send to us- along with the people who are on that side. Those who really have our best on their hearts and in their minds. The ones who have said, "I will be there for you," and actually showed up. They know who they are and to them we are eternally grateful.
Friends are there for each other and the real, get down and dirty ones are there no matter the hour. I used to leave the ringer on my phone on all night in case anyone needed a ride home from the pub late at night. Most of my friends knew they could call me if they needed to. I wasn't just saying it to be nice, I meant it. Life isn't always clean and pretty- you know, that kind of life we all post up all over social media. Then again, we don't want to air our dirty laundry all over the place either. All that mess is reserved for those- get your hands dirty friends.
But what about those friends that say they'll sift through the mess with you but never show up? Oh dear reader... There have been so many. I used to feel bitter about it. Because I really believed, I truly did. After all we had been through, I wanted to believe that there was still a bright side to humanity and that it was larger than the dark side. From my view— it remains smaller. Now if I were to include God in this estimation, well, that would greatly change that ratio. But I am speaking in terms of mere humans. Humans, who at the time, are delighted to shoulder the load and help. Who at the time, maybe needed a lift themselves, and as it is known, that when you're in need yourself, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to serve others. Maybe it made them feel better to utter their offer for help, not having thought it through fully. Not realizing that the help in question would actually be called upon. I can't be certain, I am unable to judge nor examine the hearts of others. But there are of course a few scriptures that are coming to mind as I'm ticking away at my keyboard.
"Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give." Proverbs 25:14 ESV
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13
"or if anyone thoughtlessly takes an oath to do anything, whether good or evil (in any matter one might carelessly swear about) even though they are unaware of it, but then they learn of it and realize their guilt—" Leviticus 5:4
Colossians 3:13 covers my part in making good with the broken promises and all the false niceties. "If any of you has grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." — Yes, I must. I cannot let the shortcomings and failures of others hinder my walk in life or with the Lord. I found scripture regarding making promises rashly to the Lord but I didn't feel that it applied here. Promises made before the Lord but possibly not directly to Him, as I stated before, I cannot judge man nor his or her heart.
What has all of this taught me? Honestly... Trust is earned and developed by showing up when you say you will. Don't make promises you can't keep. Even though these realizations hurt at the time they are in fact realized, I still must be committed to searching out the good in others and believing in the good within them. I must forgive, just as the Lord has forgiven me. And lastly, I'm under to obligation to trust these people. I can pray. I can wish them the best. I will certainly forgive. But I haven't found a place yet where Jesus said that we have to continually put ourselves up to be hurt over and over again. Eventually it becomes abuse, especially if it's blatant.
These experiences have taught me not to make rash promises because I've been the recipient of them. These experiences have taught me not to say- I'll be there, when It's still unlikely that I wouldn't be able to make it. This road I've been walking along has taught me how to say no. It isn't easy saying no but if I can't live up to what I said yes to, what does that say of my trustworthyness and integrity? What does that say about the church as a people? What does that say about Jesus? I don't want others to look at me as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and see someone who doesn't keep their promises. Thus assuming that Jesus won't be there either- which is false! Jesus never ever leaves your side. I do not for a moment want to misrepresent Him. That would cause me a great deal of anguish in my heart that can be completely avoided- by not pretending to be someone I'm not or— not over committing myself. Simply saying no isn't unkind, it's sometimes what we have to do because we can't commit to yes.
Forgive those who hurt you. You can't stay angry or bitter. It doesn't hurt them, it hurts you. And when it comes to needing help, don't return to the ones who have fallen desperately short of their initial yes, ask God to guide you to some real help. Also, give grace to those who fell short. They are only human after all. God gives us more than enough grace everyday because we fall desperately short of His glory. Forgiveness and grace friends... two of the hardest things to dole out to others but we must live in a place of constant grace giving and issuing forgiveness. After all, our Father in heaven has forgiven us far more than we could ever comprehend.
Be blessed today friends.
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Now is not the time
Now is not the time to take steps away from God. Now is not the time to discredit God. It never has been the time to walk away, it has never been the time to try and prove Him wrong. Unfortunately, a lot of humans to walk away and try to prove Him wrong. Sadly, one day they discover it's too late, when it is too late. But if you're reading this, it isn't too late.
God had a glorious plan for mankind, for us to be reconciled back to Himself by our own choosing.
I traveled along a path for the majority of my life doing what I wanted, when I wanted. Though I had most everything I wanted, I still wasn't happy. It wasn't until I realized that it was God who was missing from my life that I knew that's what the longing was all while. I spent money trying to fill the hole, I spent time out with people who likely weren't there for the betterment of my life, that still didn't fill the hole. The person I was when I was alone, was who I really was at that time. Who was I? Was I happy? Was I filled with joy? Was I content? Lost; no, no and no. Those are my answers.
I got to the point of "what is the point!?" before I realized what I needed. God was wooing me through my miserable circumstances and He used the most unlikely of people- at times. Oh boy, God's patience with me in the beginning... It was sweet and nurturing. It was inspiring and caused my heart to warm towards Him. I began to see God for who He was, rather than the twisted ideology behind Him. His nature was laid out in His word and in His actions in my life.
God's word is absolute truth. Science is theory. Do you have any idea how many scientific theories have been debunked and rendered obsolete? Me either... I couldn't find an exact number. Although there was one website that sited 104 obsolete theories with subcategories below each. So that may total several thousand, maybe more. What about the big bang theory? A theory, nothing more. The world was once believed to be flat. It was once believed that we couldn't travel to the moon. It was also once believed that we were residing in the only solar system in outer space.
It was once socially acceptable to smoke in hospitals and on airplanes. Sugar replacements were once touted as being better, now we're coming to find that they cause cancer and a whole list of other problems. Plastic was designed as a convenient product, now it's showing up in the belly's of marine animals and beaching them, eventually killing them.
It seems that whatever is created with profit in mind rather that God eventually comes tumbling down. If these things become elevated above the mind of God, they will eventually fail. We can't continue to assert ourselves above God and expect to succeed. It just isn't possible, eventually we will fall flat on our faces.
Do you know how many Bible's have been discredited? Zero.
There are theories against what the Bible says but if you have Jesus in your heart you already know the Bible is absolute truth. Many people ask, "Where are the evidences of the flood?" "Where is the ark?" Where is the Garden of Eden?" You know what I believe? It's all hidden from our sight. You know why? Because we are called to walk by faith not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)
So, let me ask you this, do you want to follow after a bunch of people who were once spoon fed; crapped their pants and threw temper tantrums when they were children- just like you did? Or do you want to follow hard after a mighty and all knowing God— whom created everything? A God who isn't given to mood or feelings that change in a moments notice? A God who isn't a respecter of persons? A God who deeply loves and cares for you, even as you've rejected Him? Who then, who will you follow after? Men are proven wrong and eventually die. God on the other hand will never be proven wrong and will never die. God is eternal! And you have an opportunity to spend eternity with Him.
Just trust. Trust in Him. Trust in His Son Jesus. Walk toward Him, not away. You can't go wrong trusting God, it's a decision you'll never regret.
Have a blessed week my friends, take those steps toward God.
God had a glorious plan for mankind, for us to be reconciled back to Himself by our own choosing.
I traveled along a path for the majority of my life doing what I wanted, when I wanted. Though I had most everything I wanted, I still wasn't happy. It wasn't until I realized that it was God who was missing from my life that I knew that's what the longing was all while. I spent money trying to fill the hole, I spent time out with people who likely weren't there for the betterment of my life, that still didn't fill the hole. The person I was when I was alone, was who I really was at that time. Who was I? Was I happy? Was I filled with joy? Was I content? Lost; no, no and no. Those are my answers.
I got to the point of "what is the point!?" before I realized what I needed. God was wooing me through my miserable circumstances and He used the most unlikely of people- at times. Oh boy, God's patience with me in the beginning... It was sweet and nurturing. It was inspiring and caused my heart to warm towards Him. I began to see God for who He was, rather than the twisted ideology behind Him. His nature was laid out in His word and in His actions in my life.
God's word is absolute truth. Science is theory. Do you have any idea how many scientific theories have been debunked and rendered obsolete? Me either... I couldn't find an exact number. Although there was one website that sited 104 obsolete theories with subcategories below each. So that may total several thousand, maybe more. What about the big bang theory? A theory, nothing more. The world was once believed to be flat. It was once believed that we couldn't travel to the moon. It was also once believed that we were residing in the only solar system in outer space.
It was once socially acceptable to smoke in hospitals and on airplanes. Sugar replacements were once touted as being better, now we're coming to find that they cause cancer and a whole list of other problems. Plastic was designed as a convenient product, now it's showing up in the belly's of marine animals and beaching them, eventually killing them.
It seems that whatever is created with profit in mind rather that God eventually comes tumbling down. If these things become elevated above the mind of God, they will eventually fail. We can't continue to assert ourselves above God and expect to succeed. It just isn't possible, eventually we will fall flat on our faces.
Do you know how many Bible's have been discredited? Zero.
There are theories against what the Bible says but if you have Jesus in your heart you already know the Bible is absolute truth. Many people ask, "Where are the evidences of the flood?" "Where is the ark?" Where is the Garden of Eden?" You know what I believe? It's all hidden from our sight. You know why? Because we are called to walk by faith not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7)
So, let me ask you this, do you want to follow after a bunch of people who were once spoon fed; crapped their pants and threw temper tantrums when they were children- just like you did? Or do you want to follow hard after a mighty and all knowing God— whom created everything? A God who isn't given to mood or feelings that change in a moments notice? A God who isn't a respecter of persons? A God who deeply loves and cares for you, even as you've rejected Him? Who then, who will you follow after? Men are proven wrong and eventually die. God on the other hand will never be proven wrong and will never die. God is eternal! And you have an opportunity to spend eternity with Him.
Just trust. Trust in Him. Trust in His Son Jesus. Walk toward Him, not away. You can't go wrong trusting God, it's a decision you'll never regret.
Have a blessed week my friends, take those steps toward God.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Stay at home mom
I am a stay at home Mom. I am also an author. I am also in the process of radically changing my life by living in better obedience to the person God has called me to be. It sounds complicated but it isn't, it's yielding to His will for my life- not fighting for the life I think I should be living.
Oh I still have plans and hopes and dreams, I haven't turned all that in for a life of silence and obscurity. For the past several months, since the writing of: Human, being— I've been living my life more out loud than ever. I'm not going to stop where I am either.
For those of you that follow this blog regularly know that not only am I a stay at home Mom of 3, I am also a special needs Mom. Being a special needs Mom is a tall order, to say the very least. It's a call to be dynamic; on the fly, flexible and thrifty. My husband says, "Special needs means extra pillows and blankets." Ha! It is true, Cookiepants is usually cozied in amidst a pile of pillows and blankets. So, when Cookiepants needs something it usually means- now! I have to be ready around the clock because we never know what the day will hold.
As a stay at home Mom, I am always on the clock. I don't get to punch out and leave my work at work. Work is also home or anywhere else I go. I never thought I would embrace motherhood the way I have and I certainly never thought I would embrace being a special needs Mom the way I have either. I love being a mom, even with all of it's typical challenges and even the other the top challenges. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is who has filled my heart unto over flowing for my children. I know that God has strengthened me each and every single day. I know that the days I confessed to Jesus that I just couldn't do it anymore today, He was the one who sat beside me and took over.
So many nights I've flopped into my bed with the morning light peeking through the window and the alarm was set to go off soon. So many morning fueled by caffeine and a hearty breakfast. It has been this love that my heart is filled with that has spurred me on. The kind of love that only God could fill my heart with, a love that never runs out and only grows.
I think being a stay at home mom may be one of the most under rated "jobs" there is. Sure there are days where I scarcely get housework done but I've taken a new approach there too. But just because it didn't get done doesn't mean I sat on my rump eating fine chocolates and drinking wine while the kids ran a muck. It simply means I was too busy with the kids and it wasn't necessary for me to cause myself to feel overwhelmed. Our enemy wants us to feel overwhelmed but God wants us to have peace in the midst of chaos and busyness. We don't have to get all crazy getting busy around the house. Yes, absolutely take care of your home, you are the steward of your home. But moving about at break neck speeds and completely exhausting yourself isn't the way to go about it.
Take one thing at a time and in stride with the day. If the kids are pretty chill, push to get a bit more done. If they're nuts, you may be best off waiting until nap time or bedtime. I refuse to be that flop into bed mommy at the end of a typical day and I refuse to have guilt about the things I didn't get done either. It's over, the enemy loses. There isn't anywhere in the Bible that says I need to drive myself nuts doing everything just so I can be a good Mom. Read Proverbs 31, it's a lovely depiction of a wife and mother. It's what I strive to be but not by my own doing, by allowing God's work within me to shine through brightly. Not the person I think I should be. Not the Mom I think I should be. Not the Christian I think I should be. Just simply the woman God is molding me into being. And if that woman doesn't look like the woman I thought I ought to be, all the more better because God's choice is far better than I can ever express into words.
Don't be a strung out Mom, allow and make room for the Mom God wants you to be. Allow Him to mold you. Allow Him to have His way. Listen to His promptings, listen to His gentle call. He loves you and knows you better than you know yourself. Oh He is so good, dear friends.
Much love and wishing you a blessed day!
Oh I still have plans and hopes and dreams, I haven't turned all that in for a life of silence and obscurity. For the past several months, since the writing of: Human, being— I've been living my life more out loud than ever. I'm not going to stop where I am either.
For those of you that follow this blog regularly know that not only am I a stay at home Mom of 3, I am also a special needs Mom. Being a special needs Mom is a tall order, to say the very least. It's a call to be dynamic; on the fly, flexible and thrifty. My husband says, "Special needs means extra pillows and blankets." Ha! It is true, Cookiepants is usually cozied in amidst a pile of pillows and blankets. So, when Cookiepants needs something it usually means- now! I have to be ready around the clock because we never know what the day will hold.
As a stay at home Mom, I am always on the clock. I don't get to punch out and leave my work at work. Work is also home or anywhere else I go. I never thought I would embrace motherhood the way I have and I certainly never thought I would embrace being a special needs Mom the way I have either. I love being a mom, even with all of it's typical challenges and even the other the top challenges. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is who has filled my heart unto over flowing for my children. I know that God has strengthened me each and every single day. I know that the days I confessed to Jesus that I just couldn't do it anymore today, He was the one who sat beside me and took over.
So many nights I've flopped into my bed with the morning light peeking through the window and the alarm was set to go off soon. So many morning fueled by caffeine and a hearty breakfast. It has been this love that my heart is filled with that has spurred me on. The kind of love that only God could fill my heart with, a love that never runs out and only grows.
I think being a stay at home mom may be one of the most under rated "jobs" there is. Sure there are days where I scarcely get housework done but I've taken a new approach there too. But just because it didn't get done doesn't mean I sat on my rump eating fine chocolates and drinking wine while the kids ran a muck. It simply means I was too busy with the kids and it wasn't necessary for me to cause myself to feel overwhelmed. Our enemy wants us to feel overwhelmed but God wants us to have peace in the midst of chaos and busyness. We don't have to get all crazy getting busy around the house. Yes, absolutely take care of your home, you are the steward of your home. But moving about at break neck speeds and completely exhausting yourself isn't the way to go about it.
Take one thing at a time and in stride with the day. If the kids are pretty chill, push to get a bit more done. If they're nuts, you may be best off waiting until nap time or bedtime. I refuse to be that flop into bed mommy at the end of a typical day and I refuse to have guilt about the things I didn't get done either. It's over, the enemy loses. There isn't anywhere in the Bible that says I need to drive myself nuts doing everything just so I can be a good Mom. Read Proverbs 31, it's a lovely depiction of a wife and mother. It's what I strive to be but not by my own doing, by allowing God's work within me to shine through brightly. Not the person I think I should be. Not the Mom I think I should be. Not the Christian I think I should be. Just simply the woman God is molding me into being. And if that woman doesn't look like the woman I thought I ought to be, all the more better because God's choice is far better than I can ever express into words.
Don't be a strung out Mom, allow and make room for the Mom God wants you to be. Allow Him to mold you. Allow Him to have His way. Listen to His promptings, listen to His gentle call. He loves you and knows you better than you know yourself. Oh He is so good, dear friends.
Much love and wishing you a blessed day!
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Trust
It's been a long week and it's only Wednesday... This happens often. It's been a whirlwind few months, this happens often too.
Our trust isn't in ourselves alone because it's fallible. Our strength isn't in ourselves alone because our strength runs out. We don't rely on our own wit or wisdom because we can't see what will happen even 5 minutes from now. I do know Who has an endless supply of strength; wisdom and who is faithful. God!
God brings us through with each step, His Son never leaves our side. He is the steady hand on my shoulder as I work quickly to bring a fever down. He is the quiet voice amidst the crying, He is the calm in the middle of the storm. He is, I am.
We've seen Him present in everything over the course of the last several months. From the femur fracture with Cookiepants, to the surgery and it's timing and now this monster cold that has over taken her. We trust in His loving care to cause her to thirst again. We trust in the fellow believers praying on her behalf, that those prayers are affecting her recovery in a positive way. We trust in His leading, knowing what to do with her and when.
To the world and the worldly mind it sounds like utter madness but it makes perfect sense to us. There is this path we have been traveling along for a few years now that has brought us to this point. To a point of utter reliance and being present. We are here, being who God created us to be, doing or not doing the things He has ordained or asked us to refrain from. That is all. Worry doesn't cloud our thinking nearly as much as it used to. Worry doesn't add to a circumstance, it only takes away your presence of mind. Trying to do everything and all at once- no longer necessary. It never was necessary, we just hadn't understood that yet.
Though our problems aren't solved and our circumstances haven't changed much- though they've improved slowly, I still have peace today. We don't know what the day will hold, as it is unpredictable every day. There is no general thrumb to pick up on and ride the wave through the day. Floating through the day would take away from the intricate details, the little ones that are the reminders that God is still here and His hands are all over everything. I want to see that, I don't want to bury myself in mock busyness just to take my attention away from my current reality. I don't want to displace the pain because I know it would inevitably revisit me and show up somewhere else. Pain has a way of doing that. So don't avoid it, stare it in the face. Be bold. Be brave because God is right there with you.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do no be afraid." John 14:27
This is why I trust Him, if He said it, it will be so. Or the peace that surpasses all understanding. He said it, it will be so. I know that I can trust Jesus, trusting Him doesn't make things easier but I know His promises are true. Much of the things that happen, I don't understand but He does. And I trust Him.
We're still here being who God created us to be, exactly where we are supposed to be. Brighter things are on the horizon, we know this but for now, we trust in His timing and trust His direction.
We used to live within the most common option, which was to trust in ourselves for everything. It didn't work out well and we were exhausted. Trusting in God has alleviated much of the stress and mental and emotional exhaustion. This is where I would rather be, this is where I would rather live my life- over here with God.
With trust, comes peace. Reach out to the only one that knows, He will never leave you nor forsake you.
For more insight on this subject matter pick up a copy of: Human, being. Now available online.
www.lulu.com/spotlight/sarastjohn
sarastjohn.wixsite.com/author
God bless.
Our trust isn't in ourselves alone because it's fallible. Our strength isn't in ourselves alone because our strength runs out. We don't rely on our own wit or wisdom because we can't see what will happen even 5 minutes from now. I do know Who has an endless supply of strength; wisdom and who is faithful. God!
God brings us through with each step, His Son never leaves our side. He is the steady hand on my shoulder as I work quickly to bring a fever down. He is the quiet voice amidst the crying, He is the calm in the middle of the storm. He is, I am.
We've seen Him present in everything over the course of the last several months. From the femur fracture with Cookiepants, to the surgery and it's timing and now this monster cold that has over taken her. We trust in His loving care to cause her to thirst again. We trust in the fellow believers praying on her behalf, that those prayers are affecting her recovery in a positive way. We trust in His leading, knowing what to do with her and when.
To the world and the worldly mind it sounds like utter madness but it makes perfect sense to us. There is this path we have been traveling along for a few years now that has brought us to this point. To a point of utter reliance and being present. We are here, being who God created us to be, doing or not doing the things He has ordained or asked us to refrain from. That is all. Worry doesn't cloud our thinking nearly as much as it used to. Worry doesn't add to a circumstance, it only takes away your presence of mind. Trying to do everything and all at once- no longer necessary. It never was necessary, we just hadn't understood that yet.
Though our problems aren't solved and our circumstances haven't changed much- though they've improved slowly, I still have peace today. We don't know what the day will hold, as it is unpredictable every day. There is no general thrumb to pick up on and ride the wave through the day. Floating through the day would take away from the intricate details, the little ones that are the reminders that God is still here and His hands are all over everything. I want to see that, I don't want to bury myself in mock busyness just to take my attention away from my current reality. I don't want to displace the pain because I know it would inevitably revisit me and show up somewhere else. Pain has a way of doing that. So don't avoid it, stare it in the face. Be bold. Be brave because God is right there with you.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do no be afraid." John 14:27
This is why I trust Him, if He said it, it will be so. Or the peace that surpasses all understanding. He said it, it will be so. I know that I can trust Jesus, trusting Him doesn't make things easier but I know His promises are true. Much of the things that happen, I don't understand but He does. And I trust Him.
We're still here being who God created us to be, exactly where we are supposed to be. Brighter things are on the horizon, we know this but for now, we trust in His timing and trust His direction.
We used to live within the most common option, which was to trust in ourselves for everything. It didn't work out well and we were exhausted. Trusting in God has alleviated much of the stress and mental and emotional exhaustion. This is where I would rather be, this is where I would rather live my life- over here with God.
With trust, comes peace. Reach out to the only one that knows, He will never leave you nor forsake you.
For more insight on this subject matter pick up a copy of: Human, being. Now available online.
www.lulu.com/spotlight/sarastjohn
sarastjohn.wixsite.com/author
God bless.
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