Fear

      God seems to have made a habit of repeating Himself on one specific point, fear. It is said, "Do not fear," is repeated in the Bible 365 times. I Googled it, Google confirms that sentiment. There was something that God knew about fear that we don't. It's disabling. It's spirit crushing. It's ungodly. God didn't make light when He commanded us not to fear.

    "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed; for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

    God will not leave us nor forsake us in the day to day nor when we are in the midst of trials. There are times when we don't "feel" Him there. Just because you can't feel Him near, doesn't mean He isn't. It is a promise that He will never leave us. Feeling are temporary, they come and go like the wind but God is eternal. He is the same yesterday, today and forever(Hebrews 13:8).

     Fear can be debilitating and crippling. Fear can keep us locked up in our homes, fulfilling the same tasks and never experiencing anything new. Fear can keep us from living out loud and living life to the full— which is one of the things that Jesus came here to do, give us life to the full (John 10:10) Jesus didn't come here to condone our many excuses why we can't get out there and live the life He paid a mighty price for. We will one day give an account for how we spent our time here on earth and sadly, no excuse will stand.

    How do you know you're living in fear? The sneaky thing about fear is that it disguises itself as rationalization. It makes sense to you why you won't do the thing that was proposed to do but honestly, it's heavy laden with fear. It's merely an excuse.

    Here's a few examples of fear. Fear said, don't get out and socialize, no one will be able to relate to you or your life anymore— since having a special needs child. Following the birth of Cookiepants, I had a serious case of "social anxiety disorder." It was awful. I had anxiety attacks just going to the grocery store. I needed so badly to get out of the house and get a break from what was going on at home. But there was another side of me that was petrified. Scared that others would want to talk to me and what would I say? I had nothing to talk about that wasn't something related to the new life that was dropped on my lap. I didn't want others to see the exhaustion that had taken up a permanent residence on my face. I didn't want to have to explain or share. I just wanted to stay in my home where life was about as unpredictable as life gets but at least it was strangely becoming more familiar.

    Fear said: Give Cookiepants up for adoption following her birth. But love said; just love her. Adoption was never a consideration of mine but it was suggested to us as an option. I'm grateful every single day that we chose to just love her instead.

   Fear says: Don't bother looking for a new home, just stay where it's familiar. This was something my husband and I had talked about. Our family expanded by +2, so we needed a new home desperately. So we searched not in a wildly committed sort of way but looked around. We found a beautiful home and applied to get it, then left it in the hands of our loving Father. Well, Daddy wanted a bigger brighter home for us too because we packed our things and moved away from everything that was fondly familiar.

   Fear says; Get an abortion if you get pregnant before you get genetics testing done. Well, I did get pregnant before I had genetics testing done. And had I followed through with (the enemy's) fears "suggestion," I would not have the final jewel in my crown, my dear son.

    Can you imagine? What would my life look like now had I allowed fear to drive my decisions? I would be less two children, living in the same place, doing the same things and wondering why my life feels so empty. My life would be empty of all the things that give it flavor. There is no forward movement in fear. Fear keeps your feet planted right where they are as if you have roots. We can go ahead and pat ourselves on the back, commending ourselves for all the things we do that we think are sufficient but it's not enough. Yeah but I do this, this and this... Yes but what about the things of life that you let pass you by?

    What are we letting pass us by? The things of God. The things that make God smile. The risks we are willing to take for another human being. The time that we spend with others, rather than spending them alone in our own little selfish prison. God commanded us not to fear, God doesn't fear and we have the spirit of God living within us! How much more empowered can you get? Yes, the spirit of the living God resides within you if you have a relationship with His son Jesus Christ.

   "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma." Ephesians 5:1-2

   "The spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'" Romans 8:15

     So you see, this fear that you have is nothing more than a tactic of the enemy and once recognized and it is already diminished. Get out there and live! Get out there and share the love of God with others. We don't get another shot at this thing called life. Its so sad when life is wasted. Don't grieve over that fact for too long, allow that to in part be your fuel to make the change not to live in fear anymore. What do you have to lose? You dignity? Your reputation? Your life savings? What, what is it? Do any of these things matter if it isn't pleasing to God? Heck no! Count it all loss unless it's been done for the Father. Nothing else is worth anything. Do everything as unto the Father.

    But what am I supposed to do, you ask? A good place to start is picking something that is good-willed and good-natured that maybe scares the crud out of you. First, affirm that you will do this thing, whatever it is as an act of obedience to the Father and that you relinquish the spirit of fear in Jesus mighty name. Be dead set on it. Do not back down and do not lose heart. God is with you.

    Maybe it's volunteering at church to greet people. Maybe it's getting back to going to church because the last church you went to put you off or upset you somehow. Try again, right? Maybe it's visiting a relative out of state that you haven't seen in ages. Whatever it is, do it with love and as an act of obedience toward God. You must first commit to doing something different, something that challenges you and maybe even scares you a bit. It's alright to do something, with hands shaking, heart pounding and knees shuddering. You still did it, you over came your fear! There are plenty of opportunities out there to drive out fear. God is constantly tossing us opportunities. Until we are even willing to get beyond our fear, we are playing catch with God in a baseball field while wearing a blindfold. Until we're willing to take the blindfold off and say yes to Him rather than fear, we'll miss the opportunities.

   Oh friends... I can't even put into words right now how good God is and how very much He loves us in this very moment. There is nothing that can separate you from His love and there is nothing you can do that will make Him love you any less. He doesn't condemn, He corrects, there is a big different between those two words. God lovingly guides and corrects us, whereas the enemy will condemn and make us feel bad. Oh if only we would just believe that He is always with us, the freedom that lies just on the other side of that door is boundless. God's mind thinks and imagines in a much greater an expansive way than our mind can. He has the entire universe within His capable hands, every resource is within His grasp, to be used for His creativity. Just trust and believe Him, you will not be disappointed. God is indeed good, all the time.

    Be blessed and bless others today dear friends, God never leaves our side. We are enabled to get out and love others the way He loves us.
   

Time is the most costly of all

     Giving birth to Cookiepants gave birth to a lot of hidden truth in life that I never saw before. It has been an eye opening experience in many ways. I use her birth as a mile marker because so many things changed shortly there after. It was as though we were set aside into a different category of human being. We had distinctly been set apart, there was no mistaking it.

    Unfortunately one of the side effects was the shining of light onto the darker sides of humanity, the side with all the smoke and mirrors and falsehoods. The side that masquerades as kindness and care and an extended hand. But when you actually reach out for that hand, it isn't there and you tumble to the ground, flat on your face.

    Now don't get me wrong, we have seen the kinder, more real and loving side of humanity. It has been captivating, a pure God send to us- along with the people who are on that side. Those who really have our best on their hearts and in their minds. The ones who have said, "I will be there for you," and actually showed up. They know who they are and to them we are eternally grateful.

    Friends are there for each other and the real, get down and dirty ones are there no matter the hour. I used to leave the ringer on my phone on all night in case anyone needed a ride home from the pub late at night. Most of my friends knew they could call me if they needed to. I wasn't just saying it to be nice, I meant it. Life isn't always clean and pretty- you know, that kind of life we all post up all over social media. Then again, we don't want to air our dirty laundry all over the place either. All that mess is reserved for those- get your hands dirty friends.

    But what about those friends that say they'll sift through the mess with you but never show up? Oh dear reader... There have been so many. I used to feel bitter about it. Because I really believed, I truly did. After all we had been through, I wanted to believe that there was still a bright side to humanity and that it was larger than the dark side. From my view— it remains smaller. Now if I were to include God in this estimation, well, that would greatly change that ratio. But I am speaking in terms of mere humans. Humans, who at the time, are delighted to shoulder the load and help. Who at the time, maybe needed a lift themselves, and as it is known, that when you're in need yourself, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to serve others. Maybe it made them feel better to utter their offer for help, not having thought it through fully. Not realizing that the help in question would actually be called upon. I can't be certain, I am unable to judge nor examine the hearts of others. But there are of course a few scriptures that are coming to mind as I'm ticking away at my keyboard.

    "Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give." Proverbs 25:14 ESV

     "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2

     "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

    "or if anyone thoughtlessly takes an oath to do anything, whether good or evil (in any matter one might carelessly swear about) even though they are unaware of it, but then they learn of it and realize their guilt—" Leviticus 5:4

  Colossians 3:13 covers my part in making good with the broken promises and all the false niceties. "If any of you has grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." — Yes, I must. I cannot let the shortcomings and failures of others hinder my walk in life or with the Lord. I found scripture regarding making promises rashly to the Lord but I didn't feel that it applied here. Promises made before the Lord but possibly not directly to Him, as I stated before, I cannot judge man nor his or her heart.

    What has all of this taught me? Honestly... Trust is earned and developed by showing up when you say you will. Don't make promises you can't keep. Even though these realizations hurt at the time they are in fact realized, I still must be committed to searching out the good in others and believing in the good within them. I must forgive, just as the Lord has forgiven me. And lastly, I'm under to obligation to trust these people. I can pray. I can wish them the best. I will certainly forgive. But I haven't found a place yet where Jesus said that we have to continually put ourselves up to be hurt over and over again. Eventually it becomes abuse, especially if it's blatant.

     These experiences have taught me not to make rash promises because I've been the recipient of them. These experiences have taught me not to say- I'll be there, when It's still unlikely that I wouldn't be able to make it. This road I've been walking along has taught me how to say no. It isn't easy saying no but if I can't live up to what I said yes to, what does that say of my trustworthyness and integrity? What does that say about the church as a people? What does that say about Jesus? I don't want others to look at me as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and see someone who doesn't keep their promises. Thus assuming that Jesus won't be there either- which is false! Jesus never ever leaves your side. I do not for a moment want to misrepresent Him. That would cause me a great deal of anguish in my heart that can be completely avoided- by not pretending to be someone I'm not or— not over committing myself. Simply saying no isn't unkind, it's sometimes what we have to do because we can't commit to yes.

    Forgive those who hurt you. You can't stay angry or bitter. It doesn't hurt them, it hurts you. And when it comes to needing help, don't return to the ones who have fallen desperately short of their initial yes, ask God to guide you to some real help. Also, give grace to those who fell short. They are only human after all. God gives us more than enough grace everyday because we fall desperately short of His glory. Forgiveness and grace friends... two of the hardest things to dole out to others but we must live in a place of constant grace giving and issuing forgiveness. After all, our Father in heaven has forgiven us far more than we could ever comprehend.

    Be blessed today friends.