Transparency

    There is this lovely gift that you can bestow upon cherished persons around you, transparency. The true, to the core real you. Unhindered; un-polished, uninhibited, the real deal. Whether we realize it or not, we all need these kinds of relationships where we can just relax and be ourselves. We don't have to change our approach, the way we speak or guard the way we act.

    Are these relationships difficult to cultivate? I would say they are. Just think about it, how many people are you able to completely be yourself around? Are there certain aspects of your character that you hide from people? Do you speak in a certain way with others? It's odd how our demeanor changes around certain people... Are we trying to impress them? Are we hiding?

    I know from personal experience I hide information about myself from certain persons because I know all they'll do with it is dissect it and judge and magnify any fault they can find. There are plenty of people out there like that. So, I can understand that. It seems we're better off disassociating ourselves with persons like that. Bad company corrupts good character.

    But how many people do we just keep it real around? And what is it that makes those people who are in your in crowd, in? Is there a such this as being a good friend anymore? It seems that with the age of technology, there is a death within friendships. The death of connectivity and being real. We can all sit behind a computer and be whoever we want to be with only virtual backlash. But are we really who we say we are when the rubber hit the pavement?

   When tragedy strikes there is always an out pouring of condolences toward the persons affected but how many are willing to get their hands dirty?

    Are we as a people willing to lay our judgments and pretenses aside and allow others to be genuine around us? Or are we going to keep them on high alert but watching them speculatively from beneath our brow? Humans were meant to live from a place of community and one-ness. We were meant to help each other out, not only humans but other beings too.

   We as a people should be concerned with cultivating genuine relationships and friendships, not just who is beneficial to us at certain times. -Who can get us what we need, when we think we need it. There have to be people in our lives who we can be completely transparent around, the ones who will love us through the tears and the pain. The ones who will rejoice when we rejoice, because our victory is like a victory for them. Our spouse should be that person and if they're not, work on that. Our best friend should be that person, work on that. If you're feeling that these leading people in your life are no longer the people you can be transparent around, sit down and have a very casual conversation with them. Don't accuse, just share...

    More over, the number one person we should be transparent with is God. He already knows anyhow, so you might as well do your best to put it into words. And when you have no words, mumbling and tears will suffice because the Holy Spirit can interpret for you. God loves us more than we could ever imagine, no matter how far fallen we think we are, there is always a way back and that way is Jesus. I know this is fact because I've seen the proof in my own life. If there is ever a relationship aside from our human, day in and day out relationships to nurture, it's our relationship with God. God has seen and created the beginning and He can also see the end. God is the One we can always, no matter how ugly, keep it real with.

    But I do know, we were meant to have deep and meaningful relationships with others while were here on this planet too. Otherwise, we wouldn't have a longing for it. That is a longing only our Creator could place within us.

   So, if you need to make a change in this area of your life, your relationships are lacking that certain genuine-ness, YOU be the change. Give it a go. Listen to the people in your life and don't listen just long enough to assemble your own reply. Listen just to hear them. Reach out to others, they may be in need of a friend and you have no idea what kind of place they're in. Stop judging! Please, just stop. Don't think you're better than someone because you don't do the "bad" thing they do, guess what, that bad thing they do, is just different from the bad things you do. In other words, don't judge someone because they sin differently than you do. And don't for a minute think that you are without sin, if you do you're only fooling yourself. We can all hop down off our high horses and love others freely and genuinely.
    "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." 1 John 1:8 
 
     We must be the change that we wish to see in the world around us, it has to be within us before it is manifested elsewhere. If we're not willing to love others with abandon, when we are capable, why would it be so for us? Who are we that we should be pampered and groveled after?

   "Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3

    "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is a sin for them." James 4:17

    Those are the last bits I will leave you with... Gosh, I love the Word of God, it speaks so true and blunt and to the point! You can't find wisdom like this anywhere else!

   Be the change friends, bless someone today merely by just being love to them. If Christ is your savior, I know you've got it in you.
      Be blessed.

Time is the most costly of all

     Giving birth to Cookiepants gave birth to a lot of hidden truth in life that I never saw before. It has been an eye opening experience in many ways. I use her birth as a mile marker because so many things changed shortly there after. It was as though we were set aside into a different category of human being. We had distinctly been set apart, there was no mistaking it.

    Unfortunately one of the side effects was the shining of light onto the darker sides of humanity, the side with all the smoke and mirrors and falsehoods. The side that masquerades as kindness and care and an extended hand. But when you actually reach out for that hand, it isn't there and you tumble to the ground, flat on your face.

    Now don't get me wrong, we have seen the kinder, more real and loving side of humanity. It has been captivating, a pure God send to us- along with the people who are on that side. Those who really have our best on their hearts and in their minds. The ones who have said, "I will be there for you," and actually showed up. They know who they are and to them we are eternally grateful.

    Friends are there for each other and the real, get down and dirty ones are there no matter the hour. I used to leave the ringer on my phone on all night in case anyone needed a ride home from the pub late at night. Most of my friends knew they could call me if they needed to. I wasn't just saying it to be nice, I meant it. Life isn't always clean and pretty- you know, that kind of life we all post up all over social media. Then again, we don't want to air our dirty laundry all over the place either. All that mess is reserved for those- get your hands dirty friends.

    But what about those friends that say they'll sift through the mess with you but never show up? Oh dear reader... There have been so many. I used to feel bitter about it. Because I really believed, I truly did. After all we had been through, I wanted to believe that there was still a bright side to humanity and that it was larger than the dark side. From my view— it remains smaller. Now if I were to include God in this estimation, well, that would greatly change that ratio. But I am speaking in terms of mere humans. Humans, who at the time, are delighted to shoulder the load and help. Who at the time, maybe needed a lift themselves, and as it is known, that when you're in need yourself, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to serve others. Maybe it made them feel better to utter their offer for help, not having thought it through fully. Not realizing that the help in question would actually be called upon. I can't be certain, I am unable to judge nor examine the hearts of others. But there are of course a few scriptures that are coming to mind as I'm ticking away at my keyboard.

    "Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give." Proverbs 25:14 ESV

     "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2

     "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13

    "or if anyone thoughtlessly takes an oath to do anything, whether good or evil (in any matter one might carelessly swear about) even though they are unaware of it, but then they learn of it and realize their guilt—" Leviticus 5:4

  Colossians 3:13 covers my part in making good with the broken promises and all the false niceties. "If any of you has grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." — Yes, I must. I cannot let the shortcomings and failures of others hinder my walk in life or with the Lord. I found scripture regarding making promises rashly to the Lord but I didn't feel that it applied here. Promises made before the Lord but possibly not directly to Him, as I stated before, I cannot judge man nor his or her heart.

    What has all of this taught me? Honestly... Trust is earned and developed by showing up when you say you will. Don't make promises you can't keep. Even though these realizations hurt at the time they are in fact realized, I still must be committed to searching out the good in others and believing in the good within them. I must forgive, just as the Lord has forgiven me. And lastly, I'm under to obligation to trust these people. I can pray. I can wish them the best. I will certainly forgive. But I haven't found a place yet where Jesus said that we have to continually put ourselves up to be hurt over and over again. Eventually it becomes abuse, especially if it's blatant.

     These experiences have taught me not to make rash promises because I've been the recipient of them. These experiences have taught me not to say- I'll be there, when It's still unlikely that I wouldn't be able to make it. This road I've been walking along has taught me how to say no. It isn't easy saying no but if I can't live up to what I said yes to, what does that say of my trustworthyness and integrity? What does that say about the church as a people? What does that say about Jesus? I don't want others to look at me as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and see someone who doesn't keep their promises. Thus assuming that Jesus won't be there either- which is false! Jesus never ever leaves your side. I do not for a moment want to misrepresent Him. That would cause me a great deal of anguish in my heart that can be completely avoided- by not pretending to be someone I'm not or— not over committing myself. Simply saying no isn't unkind, it's sometimes what we have to do because we can't commit to yes.

    Forgive those who hurt you. You can't stay angry or bitter. It doesn't hurt them, it hurts you. And when it comes to needing help, don't return to the ones who have fallen desperately short of their initial yes, ask God to guide you to some real help. Also, give grace to those who fell short. They are only human after all. God gives us more than enough grace everyday because we fall desperately short of His glory. Forgiveness and grace friends... two of the hardest things to dole out to others but we must live in a place of constant grace giving and issuing forgiveness. After all, our Father in heaven has forgiven us far more than we could ever comprehend.

    Be blessed today friends.