When winter ends...

    Today is March 13th, 2017. We just turned our clocks forward early Sunday morning and spring is next week. I remember when I was a kid, as soon as the calendar turned to March I would dig out all of my summer clothes. I would put them on believing that if I embraced the spring and summer season, that the weather outside would follow— immediately. Boy was I ever wrong.

     Here I am just a wee bit older, filled with the same empty feeling in my spirit and itching with a similar temptation for an all out protest of winter. What is it about this season of the year that causes such a vast emptiness within me? Is it the cold? The gray overtones and brown undertones outside? The fact that life has appeared to come to a halt yet everything is still in motion? I think it's a combination of all these things. Not to mention the body aches and pains I experience just from the cold.

    When the world looks alive with green and animals scurrying about I can't help but look forward to getting out of bed and embracing the day. It's exciting! Even if I have nothing planned for the day. There is something invigorating about spring and summer, a coming alive of everything! The trees begin budding; the flowers begin the bloom, the birds are singing, there are sweet smells in the air. Spring and summer are all together lovely.

    But what about a different winter in life? The kind that is no respecter of seasons? The winter that is heavy laden with struggles and strife? We've all had them. Our lives getting hit with one snow storm after another until we're nearly buried. There is only one man who can dig us out, Jesus! We've had our share of winter storms, they arrived no matter what season it was outside. Although, they were more tolerable when the weather was warm...

   For me, winter is a winter season all in it's own. I struggle with it deeply. I know that I need Jesus everyday to push me through and give me enough strength to get through the day. Waking up with a headache everyday isn't fun, nor are the golf ball sized knots in my shoulders and neck. All due to the cold weather. After a while it becomes difficult to shine when the weather isn't shining but I still do. I know Jesus is the one that enables me to. If I gave into my flesh everyday would be filled with a dissertation about how miserable winter is and how much I hate it. And I would be the most rotten person to be around. I don't want to be that person, even though somewhere within me I feel that way.

    So, I guess I'm writing this blog to share that even though I am not where I want to be right now, I know there is hope. And I'm not just talking about the mark of spring on the calendar next week. I'm talking about a hope that one day God will open the door for a move to a more appropriate climate for myself and my family.

   I remember the first time I went to the ocean when I was 3, I fell in love with it. The sand between my toes; the smell, the sound of the waves, the utter freedom and wonder. It's still a very clear memory for me. Every time I return I'm reunited with something that has otherwise lain sleeping. There has been nothing else that has compared to it, I am in awe of God's wonders when I stand before His majestic ocean.

    A couple years ago our family took a trip to Myrtle beach, South Carolina. Unbeknownst to me my husband made arrangements for our hotel room. I had no idea what lay behind that hotel room door and as soon as it swung open I was taken aback by the view... My husband bought me the ocean! And of course I cried, I was swept up with emotion by his thoughtfulness and love for me. That was a moment I will never forget. It's a time I dote upon on the cold and wintry days.

    Though half of my life has been spent with a season I have a deep disdain for, I still have hope. I have hope that one day we will live near the ocean. One day the sun will be out everyday. I know that we will not be free from life's troubles but weather of preference certainly does go a long way in my book.

    Here's to an early spring filled with beautiful flowers, bright sun and the joys of life in spite of our circumstances.

   Sending much love from a snowy Wisconsin!

My love affair

     When what I had wasn't enough, I reached outside of my limitations. When what I had didn't satisfy me, I chased after what did.

     Chips. Yes, that's right, chips. I've had a love affair with junk food since before I was a teenager. Oh man, I've loved chips for a long time!

    I went vegan almost a year ago now, it was a lifestyle change that I needed for me, for the environment— everything. I don't regret my decision, not even a little bit. It hasn't been a difficult move for me, just keeping the variety is a bit difficult sometimes. Especially during the winter (which is way too long) I'm more of a salad kind of gal and during the winter it doesn't always satisfy. I love my comfort food, like really love it. Before I went vegan nothing satisfied me more than twice baked potato soup with extra bacon. Oh my gosh!

    So, potatoes. They are (in my opinion) a food group all their own. You can do almost anything with them. But for me, on the fly or a quick snack, I loved a handful of potato chips. Or even these other chips I had found - that were vegan but I couldn't stop eating them! But after my stomach feeling like it was on fire every night and gaining a few water weight pounds, I knew it was time to give them up. Ugh, the sodium content... That's what was killing me. I guess I really have to watch that. It lit me up at night, no matter how much water I drank it didn't take away the burn. And it had tremendously slowed down my digestion. So it was time to go.

    This hasn't been easy... I pack chips in my husbands work lunch everyday. There is a small basket on top of the fridge containing all the chips too. I see them all the time. But you know what, this is how I gave up soda too. I had a 12 pack of throwback Pepsi in my house when I gave it up, it was torn open with a few soda's missing. Every time I walked past it, it called to me... Haha. I kept saying no.

    I guess my point in all of this, is that we all struggle with something. And when it's time to give something up, it will just happen. Not by beating ourselves up. Not my shaming or guilting. It will just naturally happen. I know there are other people out there struggling with something greater than a chip addiction. Don't shame them. Don't judge them. Support them. Encourage them.

    I've been there. I used to drink. I wasn't an out of control alcoholic but a textbook alcoholic is defined as someone who has a habit in relation to alcohol. Whether it's the time of day they have it or that they have even one drink a day. It's still considered a habit. Especially if a day isn't missed. That was me. I began reasoning, I'll just drink every other week. And I did. I did just fine with that. But I looked forward to it. Or I'd have a few too many on that week- because I was making up for lost time. I've been freed from alcohol for almost 6 years this coming June. I haven't had a drop and I don't miss it one single bit! It didn't add anything to my life. Just like chips haven't either.

    I know this is kind of a goofy post but I felt like I had to share this one because it's real, it's real to me. This post is very much keeping in step with the publication of: Human, being. In the way that it was a hang up of mine, even though seemingly trivial. But it was a hang up for me.

     In my spirit for going on a year or so now, a prompting to take a proverbial roto-rooter to my life. I've been doing it little by little and un-strategically. I've been handling the things that are brought to my attention by way of the Holy Spirit. One by one these things, whether little or big are left at the wayside. Not by my doing but through a strength only God can give. There are other things, smaller and bigger things but I am confident when their number is called, they will fall to the side as well. My God is bigger than anything I can manage to have a fond attachment to. That, it something I can count on.

    I hope this encourages someone, whether food is an addiction for you or if it's something else. If you have any questions about veganism, just ask. I'm always happy to talk about it. I don't however respond to criticism and ridicule. I choose not to give my time or energy over to those such things.

    Have a blessed day my friends!