We don't often have "easy" days. You know, the days where you wake up feeling refreshed; eat a great breakfast and break into the day slowly. The day continues on with few bends and certainly no fractures. It's quiet and peaceful, the day tarries on just as planned. And you snuggle into bed peacefully at the end of the day.
Every night I have a prayer that has been etched into my heart— Wake me if they need me. This morning I awoke to Cookiepants gagging. She's had a rough couple of days, which is a great understatement. Two nights ago, she entering into the worst gagging/choking jag I'd ever seen. She wasn't choking on anything other than what was likely reflux. This has been going on since birth. We've been witness and active participants to this for over 3 years. In truth, we've never gotten used to it, not in full.
If ever there were a time I wished I could impress my will upon a situation, it would be now. This child has seen every specialist under the sun. She's even had a surgery that was supposed to resolve 80% of the issues surrounding her reflux. We are 4 months beyond from the surgery and some of the issues have gone away but some of the most life threatening ones are still lurking. This child has been prayed over and for by the hundreds. I believe that simple fact is one of the prevailing reasons she's still here with us today.
What is my will for Cookiepants?
My will is that she would be maximized to the greatest degree with which she can go. My prayer for her is being whole and living a life of fullness. My prayer is that life wouldn't be so bloody painful and such a great struggle for her. That all her tears would be replaced with laughter. Her fear would be replaced with certainty. That she would be able to do and accomplish the same things that we do with ease. I can't possibly explain the ache in my heart for her. I can't paint a picture, exactly of what I see.
I have however accepted where we are, I just can't allow the hope of something vastly different die. What do I know?
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14
"And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus." Ephesians 2:6
"People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.' And he took the child in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them," Mark 10:13-16
Cookiepants was knit together by my heavenly Father in my womb. She was wonderfully made. She is seated in the heavenly realms with Christ Jesus- she is already made perfect there! She is dearly loved and blessed by Jesus. Jesus loved children more than we could ever fathom, more than we as imperfect parents, love our children.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
God has a plan for Cookiepants' life! She has a grand purpose here. She is here to take hold of hope and a future. We do not know what those plans are. We just know that we are an integral part of her purpose, she was gifted to us by our heavenly Father. It has been made clear to us that He saw something in us and wanted to bring something to life in us- in order that we would carry out His plan. Amidst the trials, I feel honored. At the end of the day, I can say that I am grateful. We are in a position of utter reliance upon Him because without it, we would fail miserably.
We are exhausted but He will restore us. Our hearts our broken but He mends them. We don't always have the answers but He knows. He is the answer. I will not give up hope because we have Him. I will not give up because He is my strength. I don't feel alone, though much of the time we are, He is here with us.
The days are long and bleed one day right into the next, day or night is of no consequence to me. The things that used to entertain me no longer interest me, Jesus has become the answer to every question and the whisper in every lull. I thank you Lord for your presence. I thank you for who you are. I thank you that you're holding onto me, as I'm holding onto Cookiepants. I thank you that you're my strength and my fresh air. I thank you that you are limitless when it feels like the walls are pressing in. Lord you are all. You are holy and good, no matter what— you are never swayed.
God has a plan for us all, though at time, we don't understand it. And it seems, the moment we think we do understand, the landscape changes. If there is anything I've learned, don't set up camp anywhere unless God has instructed you to. Don't get too comfortable, you're going to be moving on. Earth isn't our final destination, we're merely passing through. Everything is tentative and impermanent here. Be ready. Be prepared to move, to shift yet again into the person who He is molding you to be.
"Be on the alert. Stand firm in the faith. Be men of courage. Be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13
"Watch out! Don't let your hearts be dulled by carousing and drunkenness, and by the worries of this life. Don't let that day catch you unaware. like a trap. For that day will come upon everyone living on earth. Keep alert at all times. And pray that you might be strong enough to escape these coming horrors and stand before the Son of Man." Luke 21:34-36
Not only in our circumstance but in any and all, we must be alert and on the ready to flow into the next position we are called to. I never imagined being where I am today, with the set of circumstances I behold but I am here; I am ready, I am willing. THIS is my life. Not tomorrow or next week. It is right NOW. It may not be what I envisioned but it is the path the loving heavenly Father has me walking along. And I will praise Him in these trials. I will praise Him on the days we have victory. I will praise Him when my heart aches and I will praise Him when my heart is brimming with love and adoration. I must not stop. I must not quit. I must not be deterred. I must not be hindered. I will continue to fix my eyes on the Lord because— He is all. He is the great I am. He knows it all and sees it all and there is something great within my spirit that says to me- "I'm following that Man, He knows what He's doing!" Because the truth is folks, not a one of us knows what we're doing unless God has gifted us with the ability to do any one thing or another. All praise and glory to the Father for that too! Oh He is so good, isn't He?
Be blessed today friends, be a blessing to others.
"Today is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
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