Changes

          It's been a very long time since I've written on here. As always much has changed. It amazes me sometimes how quickly life can change. It's hard not to be stubborn and not take change well- and roll with the punches as they say. Especially when the changes are unwarranted. I know I used to struggle really hard with that out of control feeling, the one that you get when things don't work out the way you had hoped they would. But that's just part of life, isn't it?
          There have been so many times in my life when things didn't work out the way I had hoped or pictured in my mind. For a long time I thought that if I didn't set myself up and hope for something then when the thing didn't happen I wouldn't be disappointed. Sounds safe, right? Nope, not a chance. I think in many ways I felt even worse. I had nothing to reach for or hope for or go after. I know it's miserably disappointing when something doesn't work out but how else would I have learned? Some of my biggest blunders, God has woven into my greatest blessings.
        Why do you absolutely loathe when our plans don't work out according to what we had in mind? We seem to have a nature within us that wants to control everything and have everything our way. A nature that is contrary to God's will for our life and all out contrary to God. We don't know and can't possibly understand the plans that He has for our lives.  But He does. He knows exactly what He's doing. That's what can make it so terrifying. His plans most likely coincide with our plans, leaving us traveling down a path we never would have chosen for our selves.
          A prime example for us right now is, we had hoped to move out of Wisconsin one day. One day we might but right now, it has occurred to us that we're meant to be here. As painful as it is, when winter comes. As depressing as it is, when it's so cold we have to let our car warm up for at least 20 minutes before we can drive it, we're still here. Oh, I drag my feet and am filled with those ugly anxious feelings when I know the seasons have changed, officially into winter. Most of the winter I feel like a caged rat. My whole body aches, I get chronic headaches, the sun doesn't shine for days. In the morning, my car used to sound like a jack hammer. Winter in Wisconsin is painful, ask anyone who lives here. I yearn deeply for palm tree's and sandy beaches. I long to wear summery dresses and shorts all year long. I want to see the beautiful sun each day. While I can't be sure, exactly why we're still here but I have a few clues. I know that all I really need to know is that God has me exactly where He wants me and where He needs me. If it were Gods will for us to be anywhere else it would just be so.
           Sometimes that is a really tough pill to swallow but I tend to think that if I were able to do whatever I wanted or live outside of what God allows in my life- I would never grow as a person and eventually I wouldn't be happy either. I remember doing things the hard way, the way I wanted, I wasn't happy. At the end of the day, I still wasn't happy. Now, I can at least rest knowing that I have a heavenly Father who loves and cares for me and has a plan for my life. I don't even have plans for my life right now... I know that nothing will succeed in my life without His divine hand in it. Even in the darkest of times in my life, He was there. I know His intentions are good, I know He won't harm me. It says so in Jeremiah 29:11.
         I'd like to keep my first entry in a long time a bit light hearted. I pray someone reads this and is reminded that God has a plan for our lives. We don't know what it is but that we have to trust that whatever it is, it will be for our good and for His glory. While we may not understand it at the time and we may never understand this side of heaven. One day I pray this life; the joy and the pain will all make sense.